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Just because it's "common" doesn't mean it's right. I can understand him being apprehensive about you leaving and even a little hurt, but the way he's treating you is unacceptable and is emotional abuse. Try to find the strength to keep working toward those goals, it's your life, and there is nothing for you in your small hometown. Also it'd be nice if someone would remind your stepdad that things today aren't the way they were when he was coming of age. That's all mute. What you need to address is this toxic behavior and get out ASAP.
Thank you for the kind words! I agree, it's not fair to be treated this way for going off to school. I'm trying my best to stay on top of my grades and focus on my school work and to finish my college apps without telling him. I'm planning everything all out and by this summer I'm definitely going to move out. I just got to find another way to keep myself more preoccupied before I leave.
I think you NEED to go away to school. Some of your step-dad's opinions are very small and narrow-minded. Do not ask him for anything, and do not be disrespectful or try to argue with him when he rans, but do what you can to get out of that world and expand your horizons. Perhaps he is concerned about the cost of your college, but if you can do it without asking him for any money, that would be by far the best thing to do.
There is no changing someone else, just changing yourself.
My kids had merit scholarships (graduated in 2006 and 2009), and I was specifically told I did NOT have to fill out the FAFSA/CSS Profile forms.
It probably depends on the school. My specific issue happened in 1993, so it is not something new. I do know there are schools who will do athletic scholarships without a FAFSA, but there are other schools who will cancel an athletic scholarship without a FAFSA. I could see the Profile schools being more lenient on this, but state schools will almost certainly require a FAFSA for any and all scholarships (and the OP is looking at state schools).
Going away to college is a great experience. I encouraged all my children to go away, although at the time, they accused me of wanting to get rid of them. I think living away from home is a fantastic growing experience which will prepare you for your life after school. It teaches responsibility for budgeting, meals, laundry, transportation, etc.
Interestingly you live in a rural area. We moved to a semi rural area when we retired and I am amazed how many young people do not leave the area, let alone get higher education. The same families have lived here for years, never experiencing life outside the area, never traveling and seeing the world.
I hope you stick to your decision and go away to college. It will be a wonderful growing experience and more importantly get you away from someone who will make your life miserable.
From what I have read your stepfather is not very worldly and could possible feel threatened that you want to get an education and break away, rather than live at home, work in a menial job and contribute to his household.
AFA the north east and east coast there are many excellent schools here. You're going to school, so the weather isn't even a factor. For someone like your stepfather to make a statement like that is ridiculous. He is saying anything to dissuade you from leaving. Don't listen to him and do whatever you can to get out.
Maybe he comes off as mad when really he is a bit jealous of you having opportunities he didn't have.
Why couldn't you finish up your undergrad degree where you are and look into graduate programs other places? That really makes much more sense than transferring half way through the program you are in.
Going away to college is a great experience. I encouraged all my children to go away, although at the time, they accused me of wanting to get rid of them. I think living away from home is a fantastic growing experience which will prepare you for your life after school. It teaches responsibility for budgeting, meals, laundry, transportation, etc.
Interestingly you live in a rural area. We moved to a semi rural area when we retired and I am amazed how many young people do not leave the area, let alone get higher education. The same families have lived here for years, never experiencing life outside the area, never traveling and seeing the world.
I hope you stick to your decision and go away to college. It will be a wonderful growing experience and more importantly get you away from someone who will make your life miserable.
From what I have read your stepfather is not very worldly and could possible feel threatened that you want to get an education and break away, rather than live at home, work in a menial job and contribute to his household.
AFA the north east and east coast there are many excellent schools here. You're going to school, so the weather isn't even a factor. For someone like your stepfather to make a statement like that is ridiculous. He is saying anything to dissuade you from leaving. Don't listen to him and do whatever you can to get out.
Thanks you, and I absolutely agree! I'm doing my best to stay on track and making all the right preparations to leave. I can't stand the hostile situation I'm in now.
You'd be amazed how many of my former high school class that didn't bother to go to college. About 1/4 did go off for school, while the other 3/4 stayed behind in the town we grew up at, most of them still live at home with their parents and work min. wage jobs. I was talking to a friend I knew since I was very little, and I asked her if she wanted to see the world outside of this little town, like going away for school, or just moving in general and she looked at me with a baffled expression and said she couldn't imagine. She seemed content with living in her families trailer than to go to college and do something more.
I just want to do more with my life, get an education, see the world, and do something that I dreamed of doing. It's a shame that a lot of people out here don't seem to think about these things. I hope one day they do. Anyways, I know that leaving will be a good transition for me into being independent, and more self reliant, and the schools I'm applying to are great for my major, so I see that it's mostly positive for me to experience these things.
Maybe he comes off as mad when really he is a bit jealous of you having opportunities he didn't have.
Why couldn't you finish up your undergrad degree where you are and look into graduate programs other places? That really makes much more sense than transferring half way through the program you are in.
I live in a very small rural town. It takes to long to get anywhere. I was thinking about another school in Wa, but honestly, I want to explore and leave the state for a number of reasons. I don't want to have the "what ifs" throughout my life about this situation. I also don't want to stay where I am because I live at home with my step dad who is giving me problems. He has threatened my before, and I don't want to deal with it anymore. He has even threatened me and tried to manipulate me from going to college in Seattle (I first went to school there) claiming that it's a very dangerous city and that I would hate living there, etc.
I would rather leave and go where I always wanted to attend college at. I want indepence that I feel will be better for me in the long run. I also want a change of scenery from where I'm at and experience something different.
I hope you don't need to do this, but if your parents are not willing to provide information for the FAFSA, here are the steps that the website says you should take: Filling Out the FAFSA | Federal Student Aid
You'd only have a chance of getting unsubsidized loans though
For the past few months that Ive been looking at colleges to apply for, I have been hounded by my step dad about going (far) away for school. Hes been getting pissed at me for mentioning the schools I wanted to attend and ask me why do I want to leave. It's pretty annoying, since I live in a rural town about a half hour to a hour to get to anywhere fun. I really want to experience being on my own for the first time and want to leave my comfort zone of where I live to explore somewhere else, but my step dad keeps getting hostile about it.
He has even threatened to kick me out of the house (unfortunately, I live with him, and I don't have a job) and even called me arrogant for going off to college. When I try to defend myself, he tells me to shut up. It's getting pretty bad. I try to avoid him at all costs and stay in my room most of the day. I talked to a counselor at the college I go to and she told me this is pretty common for college students is to have family or family members treat them like this when they plan on continuing onto higher education.
She told me that some families disown their children, siblings, etc. because of their achievements and educational goals. Idk, my step dad always talks about how he "made it" without a college degree and how he graduated from HS and went off into the army and then works as a senior level Foreman was good enough for him. I tell him that while that is good he achieved that, I wanted to get a college and grad degree because the days of a HS diploma being good enough to find a decent career are over.
Has anyone been through this with family or know of these things? I find it odd because my whole life I was told to "go to school and be somebody with my life" but when I do, it's now "bad."
I think that you have a difficult situation on your hands. I really applaud your choice to go away to school. College is not a luxury today, it's a necessity. You are correct in your assessment.
How much college have you completed locally and where do you intend to transfer? Where is your mother in all of this?
I don't like the sound of what I am hearing. It sounds as though your step dad does not want you to achieve and to do better than he did. Sometimes step parents love their step kids on some level, yet compete with them on other levels. Did he raise you? Does he have his own children? How did he respond to them going to college? Do you have younger half sibs living in the house?
It's important for you to know that you are correct here. He is the one who is off base here, while you are on target. You also need to know that his controlling behavior is not normal - for a dad or for a step dad. Your desire to experience college life apart from your family is healthy and natural. Where as his desire to stand in your way, is not.
Also I need to know how old you are.
The bottom line is if you want to go away to college there is a way. Staying in the home of the man is not healthy for you. Going away to college is healthy.
How are your grades? If they are at a certain level, and you are not terribly choosy and want to gey out of this toxic situation, I'm sure that there is a way to do it. Just forget his approval. You won't get it and honestly, you don't need it.
Your stepdad might be using anger (in part at least) to cover up his concern for your safety and his fear that you may behave the way he sees some college students behaving on the news.
One thing you might consider as a compromise and, more importantly a cost savings, is to attend Junior College for a year (or even 2 years) and get some or all of the required general ed courses out of the way and then transferring to whichever 4 year univerisity or college is best for you. And be sure and check out your state's schools. Many state universities are excellent and cost much less than private colleges or out of state schools.
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