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Some people say college experience (i.e living on campus orlive alone close to campus) is very important and helps develop independencyalong with helps student be more successful as student and in career. Others say it really doesn’t matter, collegeis not a social experiment. It is an institutionto gain knowledge & staying home saves student from lot of debt and headache
I also know few really good (nearly straight A) high school studentwho went away to college on full scholarship only to become party animal, losescholarship & forcing parents to eventually bring them home and send themto local university
We are currently debating on the path my little brothershould take. He has full ride to 3 university, we are debating over 2: a mediocre commuter state university vs. atop end univ that’s an hour away so he will have to live in dorm. ]He is a smart student who works hard when hewants to but he is easily influenced by peers and can’t live with out them. We already caught him smoking weed with hisfriends last month and have been watching him like a hawk. WE are worried living away from home even attop school might give him too much freedom to experiment with bad stuff. At least if he is at home, we can keep an eyeon him. My siblings and I commuted to university& I feel like that worked out fine for us
Is college experience (i.e living in dorm) really that helpful? I drove to campus, I spent 12+hours/day on campus, I had job on campus + class + gym + food, I did all mystudy in library (hardly ever studied at home), I took care of my room and mylaundry..etc + baby sat my younger siblings. Only thing I felt like I missed out on were late night parties & cookingfor myself. But neither of those are important.
For undergrad, I lived on campus and wouldn't have had it any other way. It was just a different, more immersive experience. I also went to school 500 miles from home, so living at home was never part of the design. I commute as a grad student.
Sounds like your brother will be doing his experimenting no matter where he's living.
Yepper. My suggestion is to let him go to the dorm school. He needs to get away from his HS friends and make other friends. If he commutes, he might not make many new friends at the college and instead hang with guys from the neighborhood, who, if they're still in the neighborhood, are probably not going to college. If he lives in the dorm, he's going to be making friends of other college students, most of whom have some ambition to make something of themselves.
If your brother has a wayward streak that leads him into trouble, he'll follow it whether he's in the neighborhood or living an hour away.
Sounds like your brother will be doing his experimenting no matter where he's living.
It might be true but as a family it is our job to make sure he doesn't go down that route or keeps the experiment as experiment only & not make it a habit. That attitude sounds more like giving up, to me it sounds like saying "ok your 18 now, go mess up your life you are on your own now". Of course we hope for the best.
One of the reason we are considering the better school with dorm life is so he gets away from the neighborhood kids. But we don't know what type of new friends he will make in the campus. At least we know which neighborhood kids are good and which are bad now.
Does your brother get to participate in the debate about his future?
A whole hour away? Seriously? How about you send him to the better school. You sound very controlling. It is time to let him grow up, and part of growing up includes making mistakes (and learning from them).
I lived on campus my first year, but in an apartment style suite dorm. Aside from lack of a proper kitchen, it really wasn't any different than an apartment.
I really don't think it makes to much difference. I was friendly with people from the dorm, but I made my good friends through classes/activities/parties.
It might be true but as a family it is our job to make sure he doesn't go down that route or keeps the experiment as experiment only & not make it a habit. That attitude sounds more like giving up, to me it sounds like saying "ok your 18 now, go mess up your life you are on your own now". Of course we hope for the best.
One of the reason we are considering the better school with dorm life is so he gets away from the neighborhood kids. But we don't know what type of new friends he will make in the campus. At least we know which neighborhood kids are good and which are bad now.
You have no more control when he is at home. Are you planning to tie him down and force him to take drug tests? Or are you going to be sitting on the couch when he comes home, pretending like you are watching TV but trying to see how he acts when he walks in the door? I mean, are you going to ask him to walk a straight line when he comes home, ask him where he was and who he was with? What answers do you expect to get that will decide he is having issues. Then what will you do, give him a lecture?
IMO, he is better off going away due to getting new friends that are focused on college. If he stays home, he's still going to hang out with neighborhood kids.
IMO, he's better off going away to school to get away from his controlling sibling. if he stays home he's going to have a massive argument and tell you to Buzz Off. At that point he'll likely move out. But the risk here is, he might just quit school and move out to a nearby apartment just to get away from you. But if he away at college, he stays in school and gets away from you as well. Win win for him.
Independence, and the ability to make one's own mistakes and deal with them, is a wonderful thing. You can't shelter and discipline someone forever, they reach a point where they have to grow up and be accountable for their own actions. Hovering doesn't do much but arrest development.
You don't say, "Okay, he's 18," and "hope for the best," you let them move on into legal adult life with the lessons and values they have hopefully gained along the way.
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