How do I deal with eating dinner alone every night in college? (skills, schools)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am a freshman at a small college about an hour from my house (private, liberal arts, 1,500 students). I thought I would love a small school, and it's been everything I hoped for academically with great classes and great professors, but socially, it's awful right now. It's actually soul-crushing. I don't hang out with anybody outside of class right now. I do have some friends, but the group is extremely spread out and they are never around or up to doing anything or eating with me. Whenever I go up to their floors, their doors are always closed. Whenever I'm not doing homework, I'm usually just sitting in my room or in the lounge with the friends I have, but they are always just sitting there and talking about things I can't relate to. Every night, I go to the dining hall by myself and hope to run into someone. I either eat alone or sit with any acquaintances I happen to bump into, and they almost seem annoyed when I approach them and ask if I can sit. They let me sit, but we barely talk. I'm not friends with those people, I just eat with them because they're familiar. I had a couple of solid friends in my first semester who I ate every meal with and hung out in their rooms, and I was never lonely, but I've lost touch with them and they've made no effort to try and rekindle the friendship. And I do not feel comfortable approaching one of the few other people eating solo. My parents and I have decided that if this situation does not get better, I am going to transfer next year. I've joined a couple of organizations but haven't heard from any of them yet about any events. I had a friend last semester also, but she commutes now from far away and is only there 2 days a week. I'm not the stand up type to ask people from my classes mid year to hang out with me, and I am in a volunteer organization, but have only acquaintances from there. I don't know any of them well enough to ask them to hang out or eat with me without it being weird. Anyways, I'm basically just looking for advice on how to get through the rest of the year eating alone every night and having absolutely no solid friends, only acquaintances who I barely know. I will be transferring next year if this keeps up, and I have a great group of friends at home who I am in a group text with and hang out with once in a while since we are all close by, but here my social life is brutal. And I generally prefer not to ask upperclassmen to hang out whom I don't know and already have their friends. It's the perils of going to a really tiny college. Thank God my friends colleges are very close by so I can visit them. I always eat lunch alone too, but I don't mind that because I know people have different schedules during the day.
I am a freshman at a small college about an hour from my house (private, liberal arts, 1,500 students). I thought I would love a small school, and it's been everything I hoped for academically with great classes and great professors, but socially, it's awful right now. It's actually soul-crushing. I don't hang out with anybody outside of class right now. I do have some friends, but the group is extremely spread out and they are never around or up to doing anything or eating with me. Whenever I go up to their floors, their doors are always closed. Whenever I'm not doing homework, I'm usually just sitting in my room or in the lounge with the friends I have, but they are always just sitting there and talking about things I can't relate to. Every night, I go to the dining hall by myself and hope to run into someone. I either eat alone or sit with any acquaintances I happen to bump into, and they almost seem annoyed when I approach them and ask if I can sit. They let me sit, but we barely talk. I'm not friends with those people, I just eat with them because they're familiar. I had a couple of solid friends in my first semester who I ate every meal with and hung out in their rooms, and I was never lonely, but I've lost touch with them and they've made no effort to try and rekindle the friendship. And I do not feel comfortable approaching one of the few other people eating solo. My parents and I have decided that if this situation does not get better, I am going to transfer next year. I've joined a couple of organizations but haven't heard from any of them yet about any events. I had a friend last semester also, but she commutes now from far away and is only there 2 days a week. I'm not the stand up type to ask people from my classes mid year to hang out with me, and I am in a volunteer organization, but have only acquaintances from there. I don't know any of them well enough to ask them to hang out or eat with me without it being weird. Anyways, I'm basically just looking for advice on how to get through the rest of the year eating alone every night and having absolutely no solid friends, only acquaintances who I barely know. I will be transferring next year if this keeps up, and I have a great group of friends at home who I am in a group text with and hang out with once in a while since we are all close by, but here my social life is brutal. And I generally prefer not to ask upperclassmen to hang out whom I don't know and already have their friends. It's the perils of going to a really tiny college. Thank God my friends colleges are very close by so I can visit them. I always eat lunch alone too, but I don't mind that because I know people have different schedules during the day.
I'm sorry you're lonely right now, but is that really reason enough to switch schools? Since you say things are going great academically, I would say to be patient and I'm sure things will improve socially.
I'm sorry you're lonely right now, but is that really reason enough to switch schools? Since you say things are going great academically, I would say to be patient and I'm sure things will improve socially.
It is for me. It would be one thing if I was commuting, but I live on campus because it's not possible to commute here every day. I see many groups of people walking to the dining hall and into town and whatnot, so things are not going to magically improve socially. There are other schools with great academics and with better social lives for sure. I do not want posters telling me to just deal with it and not transfer. If things improve socially, I'll stay here. If they don't, I'll transfer.
It is for me. It would be one thing if I was commuting, but I live on campus because it's not possible to commute here every day. I see many groups of people walking to the dining hall and into town and whatnot, so things are not going to magically improve socially. There are other schools with great academics and with better social lives for sure. I do not want posters telling me to just deal with it and not transfer. If things improve socially, I'll stay here. If they don't, I'll transfer.
Location: When you take flak it means you are on target
7,646 posts, read 9,944,809 times
Reputation: 16466
If you can transfer you may want to. I went to five colleges, only took me ten years... But golly, the parties! If I could remember them I'd tell you about them.
You are female, right? Many women have a real issue with eating alone. Assuming you are going to school because you want to work in the world out there I can give you some good advice. Get used to it! Learn to be self confident, poised, and assured. You will do this over and over in real adult life. And it's sort of like public speaking, you have to do it to get over your fear. And you just fake it till you make it. It's not a disaster, it's an opportunity. Own it.
Depending on what you do in life it's quite possible you will be on your own quite often. I was often sent out of town for weeks at a time to places where I knew no one and had never been before. You can either hide in your room or get out and do whatever there is to do. Have an adventure!
I have a story for you. A million years ago I was a sheltered young woman living in the Midwest who got a scholarship to go study overseas. It was about as foreign as you can get. No friends and very few people who spoke English. I was put in the residence hall with all the other foreign students from all over the world. It was hard but I did it. Pretty soon I had scoped out the best dining halls that were easy biking distance. I learned, went, and did everything. I saw everything I could. I was there for almost 5 years.
My nextdoor neighbor was from the US and she was the daughter of a pastor. She was more sheltered than I was and she was terrified of everything. She wouldn't do anything. For a long time I would ask if she wanted to do this or that and the answer was always no. Finally I stopped asking but I was always friendly.
One night Lou came over in tears. She needed new tires for her bike and didn't know how to get them. I explained that I usually took the train to Switzerland to get tires but they were available locally. I told her to meet me downtown and I would take her to get them. She said she couldn't do it. She had never been to town before. 4 years and she had never left campus. What a waste. I took her to town and then a lot of other places. By the time we left she was glad to have seen and done what she had but very angry with herself about her fears the first few years. I even made her order food and talk to strangers! Don't be like Lou!
Lastly, there is much to be said for going to school with people who were not your HS friends. First it gives you an opportunity to get to know new people who aren't all the same. Next, chances are you will do much better in school if you aren't out with friends all the time. And you get a great chance to grow up and learn how to handle things on your own. Without your friends and family running interference for you.
You are female, right? Many women have a real issue with eating alone. Assuming you are going to school because you want to work in the world out there I can give you some good advice. Get used to it! Learn to be self confident, poised, and assured. You will do this over and over in real adult life. And it's sort of like public speaking, you have to do it to get over your fear. And you just fake it till you make it. It's not a disaster, it's an opportunity. Own it.
Depending on what you do in life it's quite possible you will be on your own quite often. I was often sent out of town for weeks at a time to places where I knew no one and had never been before. You can either hide in your room or get out and do whatever there is to do. Have an adventure!
I have a story for you. A million years ago I was a sheltered young woman living in the Midwest who got a scholarship to go study overseas. It was about as foreign as you can get. No friends and very few people who spoke English. I was put in the residence hall with all the other foreign students from all over the world. It was hard but I did it. Pretty soon I had scoped out the best dining halls that were easy biking distance. I learned, went, and did everything. I saw everything I could. I was there for almost 5 years.
My nextdoor neighbor was from the US and she was the daughter of a pastor. She was more sheltered than I was and she was terrified of everything. She wouldn't do anything. For a long time I would ask if she wanted to do this or that and the answer was always no. Finally I stopped asking but I was always friendly.
One night Lou came over in tears. She needed new tires for her bike and didn't know how to get them. I explained that I usually took the train to Switzerland to get tires but they were available locally. I told her to meet me downtown and I would take her to get them. She said she couldn't do it. She had never been to town before. 4 years and she had never left campus. What a waste. I took her to town and then a lot of other places. By the time we left she was glad to have seen and done what she had but very angry with herself about her fears the first few years. I even made her order food and talk to strangers! Don't be like Lou!
Lastly, there is much to be said for going to school with people who were not your HS friends. First it gives you an opportunity to get to know new people who aren't all the same. Next, chances are you will do much better in school if you aren't out with friends all the time. And you get a great chance to grow up and learn how to handle things on your own. Without your friends and family running interference for you.
No, I am a guy. I can't believe that everyone is acting like I should be ok with having no solid friends in a place that I LIVE for like 29 out of 31 days in a month. The problem isn't only with meals. It's with everything socially. And it's a really small school, and extremely cliquey at that. I appreciate your thought, but I don't want to get really depressed either.
No, I am a guy. I can't believe that everyone is acting like I should be ok with having no solid friends in a place that I LIVE for like 29 out of 31 days in a month. The problem isn't only with meals. It's with everything socially. And it's a really small school, and extremely cliquey at that. I appreciate your thought, but I don't want to get really depressed either.
I thought you were a girl too. Personally, I ate dinner alone the entire time I was at college, but it sounds like you're actually trying to make an effort to socialize (I didn't), so that's why I assumed things would eventually improve for you. But yeah, if you feel like your social needs aren't being met and you're sure that another school would be better for you, do what you gotta do.
I thought you were a girl too. Personally, I ate dinner alone the entire time I was at college, but it sounds like you're actually trying to make an effort to socialize (I didn't), so that's why I assumed things would eventually improve for you. But yeah, if you feel like your social needs aren't being met and you're sure that another school would be better for you, do what you gotta do.
Yeah. Somedays when I especially don't see anyone outside of class, it gets incredibly depressing and upsetting. It makes me wish I commuted honestly and went home every night to my friends there and family. On weekends, I do make an effort to see what's going on, but since the school is so tiny and the friends I have just sit in their rooms all day, it's painful.
No, I am a guy. I can't believe that everyone is acting like I should be ok with having no solid friends in a place that I LIVE for like 29 out of 31 days in a month. The problem isn't only with meals. It's with everything socially. And it's a really small school, and extremely cliquey at that. I appreciate your thought, but I don't want to get really depressed either.
if no one likes being around you... maybe you need better social skills? what does switching schools do? you will still be lonely if you dont know how to connect with people
thinking it is everyone else that is the problem is a bit narrow minded
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But golly, the parties! If I could remember them I'd tell you about them.
