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Though I may come across as feminine on this issue, I am a "he" (and a very manly one at that- well, at least in my imagination ). That aside, it is not a question of the children turning down the invitations, but a question of the parents finding time to take them.
Yes, I think I know the answer. In earlier days, stay at home mothers had a more extensive list of personal friends, many of whom were also parents. Today, many parents work, and a higher proportion are single parents. Our "lone guests" experiences have been as follows:
- Two families whom I dont think had made close connections with other parents. In one case, the single father worked alot and did not have alot of personal contact with other parents. I am unsure about the situation of the other family, but she was a single mother on a limited income. Both relied on generic invitations to the entire class.
- A well connected church family ( I dont know why no one else came, I think each parent assumed the "others" were going)
I dont think this is a factor. The birthday budget for our children is $15.00, maybe $20.00. Our children have been to both wealthy parties, and far more modest party. The average gift at the wealthy ones was about $20.00. The more modest ones ranged from $5.00 to $20.00.
I still don't understand what the obstacles are. Presumably, parties can be scheduled for weekends. How would that interfere with work schedules? Maybe one or two parents work on weekends, but not parents for an entire class or half the class or a group of 10 or 15, even. Sorry, I'm not getting it. How hard can it be to drop a kid off at a party while you grocery shop on the weekend, and run errands?
Yes, I assumed you were the mom, because I guess I thought it would be the mom who'd be most concerned with this. Good for you for being an involved dad!
It was a nice gesture.
I never did the "invite the whole class" thing myself, my kids had whoever what their closest friends at the time and went out to eat or stayed in to play games and order pizza. Sometimes they weren't close to anyone in particular so it was just family. I have an aversion to entertaining so it worked out well .
Not that this is a reason to make fun of a kid or not go to his party, because it's NOT, but this boy's name is Toxey. TOXEY. I can only imagine the type of parents he could have... Perhaps other parents have an issue with his, for some reason. Perhaps Toxey is a big bully or an unsocial kid who has no friends. I just wish we had some idea WHY no one came. With the stories of this happening to special ed kids, at least their disability is a reason (a poor one and not one that is good or right but we can say, oh, well the kid probably doesn't have many friends because other kids can be cruel) but in this situation no disability is mentioned. I'm curious why no one showed.
Is it an issue with RSVPing, so on the other parents? Is it an issue with Toxey himself? Curious now.
The mom sent out 21 invites; 5 accepted, one mom called to say her child would not be there because he was sick. The other 4 were no shows - which is absolutely inexcusable. Three boys had told Toxey they were coming. The boy has gone to the same school for three years and plays basketball. There is absolutely no reason to assume this child is a bully.
Here are photos taken at his home with the troopers:
The child's name is Toxey Ahrabli. Should he be named Aiden instead - the most popular boy's name ten years ago? Does having an unusual name automatically mean you must be a bully?
It was a nice gesture.
I never did the "invite the whole class" thing myself, my kids had whoever what their closest friends at the time and went out to eat or stayed in to play games and order pizza. Sometimes they weren't close to anyone in particular so it was just family. I have an aversion to entertaining so it worked out well .
The "invite the whole class" applies if the invitations are handed out at school. It's poor etiquette to bring invitations to school if everyone will not be invited.
The mom sent out 21 invites; 5 accepted, one mom called to say her child would not be there because he was sick. The other 4 were no shows - which is absolutely inexcusable. Three boys had told Toxey they were coming. The boy has gone to the same school for three years and plays basketball. There is absolutely no reason to assume this child is a bully.
Here are photos taken at his home with the troopers:
The child's name is Toxey Ahrabli. Should he be named Aiden instead - the most popular boy's name ten years ago? Does having an unusual name automatically mean you must be a bully?
I am not assuming Toxey is a bully. I said "perhaps" he is a bully - speculation, acknowledging a possibility. I also speculated other possibilities, as well. I was only suggesting potential reasons why no one came to his party, as there was little to no explanation in the story. There must be a reason not even ONE kid showed - whether it's something Toxey did, or his parents, or the other kids' parents or the other kids. I am also not linking his name to being a bully.
I don't care how many people are named Toxey - it is an unusual, I would even dare to say weird and totally ridiculous, name. I don't think some people actually think before they name their kids... A full grown man named Toxey. Someone trying to get a job some day named Toxey. I just can't take it seriously. I'm probably not the only one. I'm not sorry for it. It's a strange name. It would not surprise me if I heard he is teased for his name, that's what I was getting at. Again - it would not be right to be mean to him because of his name, but a kid named Toxey IMHO already has the odds stacked against him going into school.
Four no shows is definitely inexcusable. That's on the parents, no doubt. Rude, selfish people trapped in their own worlds and self-importance. But only three kids telling him yes (and only 5 in total saying they would come) is a little strange. I wonder if he doesn't have many friends. Going to the school for 3 years and playing basketball doesn't instantly mean he has a lot of friends and is well-liked. Three yes responses to Toxey himself (5 total) out of 21 is not a lot - especially considering 0 showed in the end. Something else must be going on here... it just doesn't make sense.
I am not assuming Toxey is a bully. I said "perhaps" he is a bully - speculation, acknowledging a possibility. I also speculated other possibilities, as well. I was only suggesting potential reasons why no one came to his party, as there was little to no explanation in the story. There must be a reason not even ONE kid showed - whether it's something Toxey did, or his parents, or the other kids' parents or the other kids. I am also not linking his name to being a bully.
I don't care how many people are named Toxey - it is an unusual, I would even dare to say weird and totally ridiculous, name. I don't think some people actually think before they name their kids... A full grown man named Toxey. Someone trying to get a job some day named Toxey. I just can't take it seriously. I'm probably not the only one. I'm not sorry for it. It's a strange name. It would not surprise me if I heard he is teased for his name, that's what I was getting at. Again - it would not be right to be mean to him because of his name, but a kid named Toxey IMHO already has the odds stacked against him going into school.
Four no shows is definitely inexcusable. That's on the parents, no doubt. Rude, selfish people trapped in their own worlds and self-importance. But only three kids telling him yes (and only 5 in total saying they would come) is a little strange. I wonder if he doesn't have many friends. Going to the school for 3 years and playing basketball doesn't instantly mean he has a lot of friends and is well-liked. Three yes responses to Toxey himself (5 total) out of 21 is not a lot - especially considering 0 showed in the end. Something else must be going on here... it just doesn't make sense.
Yes, it is a weird and unusual name. Perhaps it was used to honor someone in his family. The example I gave of another person with that name is a gentleman who is an entrepreneur. His name did not hold him back.
I see no reason to even speculate that the child is a bully or that his parents are morons for giving him his name. You did say, "Perhaps Toxey is a big bully or an unsocial kid ... " That is uncalled for.
No one knows why the four who accepted the invitation did not come. Maybe there was illness in their families, too. But it was absolutely wrong for those four who accepted to just not show up without calling the mom.
This was a great story and almost brought me to tears!
But the cynic in me wonders if most only showed up because she was "special needs." I know the mom in the recent story phrased it differently on social media but still, NO fellow moms or kids showed up?
Yes, it is a weird and unusual name. Perhaps it was used to honor someone in his family. The example I gave of another person with that name is a gentleman who is an entrepreneur. His name did not hold him back.
I see no reason to even speculate that the child is a bully or that his parents are morons for giving him his name. You did say, "Perhaps Toxey is a big bully or an unsocial kid ... " That is uncalled for.
No one knows why the four who accepted the invitation did not come. Maybe there was illness in their families, too. But it was absolutely wrong for those four who accepted to just not show up without calling the mom.
I'm sorry but I don't think it's uncalled for to hypothesize that it's possible no one showed up to his party because he's not a nice kid or he's an unsocial kid. Especially when I'm also suggesting that maybe no one showed up because his classmates are mean or their parents all suck. The thing is, we don't know - so I'm listing some possibilities. Nothing wrong with that.
Toxey's mother might say to the media that he has a lot of friends in school and everyone is nice to him and he's nice to everyone... but of course she would say that. We would have no way of knowing how true that all is.
I honestly just think that everyone was being rude and cruel when only a few said they would come and no one actually did. I doubt it has anything to do with Toxey himself. I was merely sharing the possibility that it COULD be since we don't know much here. I still do think it's odd though that only 5 kids said yes out of 21... but here's some more speculation that could potentially explain that - perhaps Toxey's mom sent out invitations late and people had other plans? Perhaps the party was on another classmate's birthday and they claimed a party first? Or maybe Toxey doesn't have a lot of friends in his class for whatever reason... point is, we don't know.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry
I just hope those who are convinced that every cop is a bad guy reads this story.
I'm probably one of the ones you are referring to. Let me just say, I don't think anyone reasonable is convinced that EVERY cop is a bad guy. I think a lot of reasonable people think a considerable number of cops are bad guys. The big problem is that these bad guys who are cops are seldom punished.
But anyway, a big attaboy to these state troopers for doing a solid for this kid who saw the good human side of law enforcement.
Last edited by The Dissenter; 04-13-2016 at 07:43 AM..
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). That aside, it is not a question of the children turning down the invitations, but a question of the parents finding time to take them. 
Perhaps other parents have an issue with his, for some reason. Perhaps Toxey is a big bully or an unsocial kid who has no friends. I just wish we had some idea WHY no one came. With the stories of this happening to special ed kids, at least their disability is a reason (a poor one and not one that is good or right but we can say, oh, well the kid probably doesn't have many friends because other kids can be cruel) but in this situation no disability is mentioned. I'm curious why no one showed. 
