Taking care of my sick mom...want a vacation (Dallas: rent, insurance) - Texas (TX) - City-Data Forum

tiff940 · 06-04-2009, 08:12 PM

Hi All,

I live in Frisco and Im taking care of my mom who has muscular dystrophy. She lives with me. Due to her illness she needs help with meals, bathroom, bathing, ect. However, I really really want a vacation and want to take advantage of my summer break(I am a teacher). I want to go home (my orignal home is New York) because I've been homesick. I dont know many people in Dallas and I dont know where I could get someone to come take care of my mom whiile Im gone. I've called around to agencies and they all want between $200 and $250 a day which I can not afford. That would mean 5 days vacation would equal $1000 just for her care (remember teachers salary). I wanted to know if anyone out there has any suggestions for me. I know lots of people are taking care of their parents out there and maybe I could get some feedback from others.

Thank you

rohanbasrur · 06-05-2009, 07:08 AM

Tiff940,

I empathize with your situation - unfortunately I don't have a direct solution.

Try posting your request on CraigsList and other websites as well and see if you can get somebody reliable with reference who can help out for lower fees. Try contacting distant relatives (an aunt perhaps) but you might have already discounted that option. God bless, hope things work out for you & that you have a great vacation.

R

SouthernBelleInUtah · 06-05-2009, 09:11 AM

Is your mom on medicaid or medicare? She should be since she is disabled. They have a respite service that covers the cost of putting her in a home so you can rest (or go to NY). Call your insurance and ask. Good luck!

seattlerain1 · 06-05-2009, 10:23 AM

You definitely deserve a vacation. Being a teacher is an extremely hard job and then you are kind enough to care for your mom on top of that. Is there a local chapter of the MD Association to contact and ask if they can help you find an affordable respite care worker? I hope that it all works out for you--its important to take good of yourself and you deserve a relaxing vacation.

momof2dfw · 06-05-2009, 04:18 PM

Also call the county office for the elderly. They have people that depending on their needs come in and take care of those that need it. My grandparents had it for awhile and they do their grocery shopping for them as well. Your mom should qualify for this care year round even though she lives with you.

What about taking mom back home with you for a visit as well. Then the other relatives could also help out in her care. OR, have one of them come down here and help her out while you take a break. If you have any siblings I'd try and see if this would work.

GayleTX · 06-05-2009, 04:36 PM

I retired early from education to care for my mother in my home for 8 years....she died a few months ago. I found the safest and least expensive way to leave her was to have her stay in respite care at a nursing home....much less expensive (by about half!) than an at-home sitters and they have the proper personnel and equipment for suitable care. As for sitters......well, they sit and that's all. It also eliminated the concern about strangers staying my house or worry about what if they don't show up.

Lakewooder · 06-05-2009, 05:15 PM

There was a good story in the Dallas Morning News a few months ago about a lady who does this -- I cannot for the life of me think of any way to search for it right now - it was on the cover of a section.

ChristieP · 06-06-2009, 04:34 AM

I work in the nursing & rehab industry, and I was also going to suggest respite care at a local nursing home. We do it at my facility all the time. They are usually 3-5 day stays while the caregiver goes on vacation.

Canine*Castle · 06-06-2009, 06:27 AM

I know this is going to sound really strange, but I'll say it anyway.

Years ago after my mom had a heart attack, we didn't want to leave her alone, but we wanted to get away and play. It had been several months since the attack, but still. Anyway, my sister, brother-in-law, one nephew, my son, and I took a trip to Red River, NM. I don't remember the details, but somehow we had mom set up to stay in our rural hospital for several days not as a patient per se, but in a room so she'd be near people in case anything happened.

To this day, I feel so bad that I was so selfish to leave her because I wanted to get away. Of course, she never said a word, but I wonder what she thought. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have gone. Actually, I didn't have that great of a time because I wondered about her every minute. Oh well, it's too late now. I did it and I must live with my selfishness.

I'm not implying you are selfish, but I was and I am shamed.

aeternus · 06-06-2009, 08:18 AM

I have a great idea. There are people looking for a roommate on Craiglist and several of them are looking for a reduced rent and they ask if they can have it reduced to what they can afford by offering to help around the home. You can just have them to stay with your mother and care for her without having any rent paid. It would be great that they can watch over your mom and you can stay in contact with them while you are on vacation to check on your mom. They might need few hours for their personal work if they have one and you and them might need to make some arrangements to have your mom looked out for and care of or maybe you can offer them pay to just look after your mother if they are actually working so they can just stay with your mother. Maybe for cheap plus the room you are giving out to them. Maybe if you are just looking to have someone to care for your mother for 5 days and they are actually needing a place to stay temporarily or semi permanantly then you can have them to just live with your mother and you for free rent, I guess until they might find better living, maybe you can pay them a little just to be there while you are not there then you could go out of town to New York. Then you can stay free to go to your home town and you would have someone to care for your mother on the days you are not there to care for her also. Its a pretty good idea. Hey I have a link to a person on craiglist that I think fits perfect for your description. Just email me and I will send it to you. I don't want to be disrespectful of her advertisment. My email address is aeternus@mail.com . Just send me a email.