Gay/Lesbian Presence in Kent and western Sussex Counties (Dover: real estate, 2014)

[doctorjef]

I just thought I'd throw this out to the denizens of this forum to see what peoples' observations are. My spouse and I live in northern New Castle County, where the gay and lesbian communities are present, well integrated socially but quite "out", and generally comfortable in this part of the State.

Now obviously in addition to northern New Castle County, Rehoboth on the eastern side of Sussex has a well-established gay community. Milton also seems to have become a town that particularly attracts some gay and lesbian Delawareans to settle there.

I know a number of gay State employees who work in Dover but don't live there. In one case, a couple I know live in Middletown because one works for the State in Dover while the other works in Newark, so it's an obvious compromise. Apart from Milton, I don't personally know any gay or lesbian folks who live in inland Sussex or in Kent County. Well, that's not quite right -- I once met a single guy who worked in Rehoboth and lived out on a place in the country in Sussex west of Rt 1.

But what about the gay and lesbian presence in places like Dover, Milford, Laurel, Seaford, etc.? Are there gay and lesbian couples in such places living a socially out life, well integrated into community institutions such as local churches? Are some such places likely to be relatively gay-friendly (Dover, Milford?) and other communities relatively difficult (far southwest Sussex and towns in western Kent?).

Just curious what observations and experiences may be amongst people living in Lower Delaware related to this.

[rdlr]

Definitely, same sex marriages are on the rise throughout the State of Delaware, all counties.
Same-sex marriages on the rise in Delaware

[doctorjef]

There was an article in the News Journal recently in which it was noted that the department in Sussex Co. that handles marriage licenses and ceremonies would be within budget for the first time in decades, due to the enhanced revenue from same sex marriages. However, it also noted that Sussex Co. - Rehoboth, really - is a marriage destination for many out of staters, so those aren't all Delaware residents getting hitched there. What seems most noteworthy is the low number of licenses issues in Kent Co. relative to New Castle and Sussex (of course, that would also have to be looked at in terms of the overall population of each county, and obviously New Castle has roughly 2/3 of DE's population within its borders -- that also means that Sussex has done disproportionately well with the same sex marriage biz).

What I'd be really interested to hear is someone popping up and saying, "Oh yes, here in Milford we have two lesbian couples in our church; one of them run a properous farm supply" or the like.

[DelawareLiz]

It's well-known that the beach area is home to many gay and lesbian couples--Rehoboth and Lewes more so than Bethany/OV and Fenwick, but I can think of a few lesbian couples living within a mile radius of my house and the man who lived next door to us (since moved away) was gay. They feel comfortable being "out" around here...which they should be.

I can recall when I taught in western Sussex that there were a few lesbian teachers within the district and they did not hide this fact. They were accepted by both hetero men and women and didn't seem to have any problems integrating into their communities (although I'm not sure if/where they attended church). There are gay men in western Sussex too, but the one I know (my husband's cousin) felt intimated at times living there and moved to Rehoboth where he is much happier. I believe there are many more lesbians than gay men in western Sussex, however.

[ictulips]

It is quite likely that some of the out of staters marrying in Sussex Co. actually own real estate in Rehoboth but are resident in another state. I am familiar with one couple who did just that. My partner and I spend our weekends outside Lewes west of Rt 1 with the intention of becoming full-timers as soon as possible. Employment being our last hurdle. Acceptance has never been an issue. In our development we are aware of one lesbian couple. They own a local business in Rehoboth. All of our other neighbors are heterosexual couples. All of our neighbors have been welcoming and very friendly.

[DelawareLiz]

I must also add that my husband has a lesbian cousin who lives in Seaford and she loves it there. She has no desire to move. Her father (my husband's uncle) is a well-known small business owner in the area, and he welcomes her and her partner openly into his home now. Sadly, it wasn't always that way but thankfully he had a change of heart. She also associates with other lesbian couples in the Seaford/Laurel area.

*Sorry-typo in previous post. Intimated should be intimidated.

[Pine to Vine]

While I don’t think there are any downstate communities outside of Rehoboth I would classify as “gay-friendly" nor do I think any of them would be hostile to out LGBT people. The reason I say this is that I have some limited experience with Seaford in 2014, which is typical of the small towns downstate. My partner (soon to be husband) and I visit my parents who live there regularly. As their son, we are of course welcomed into heir home and treated as family. But we find we are equally at ease with their friends from their conservative church.

Is Seaford going to have a pride parade or offer domestic partner benefits for LGBT city employees any time soon? Of course not. Neither will 95% of similar small towns across the state and the country. But also like most small towns today, LGBT folks will likely find it increasingly easier to live open lives with fear and fewer tongues wagging. My parents rather non-chalantly mentioned a number of lesbian couples that live in town. It will only become easier for more folks to do so over time as this becomes more common. The fact that southern Delaware does not sit on a remote island, but is connected to the wider world through media, further exposes folks to the fact that LGBT people, like every one else, live rather normal lives.

Finally, here’s a bit a trivia that may or may not offer some illumination on this topic: In 2006, the Westboro Baptist Church (the “God Hates ****” group), came to Seaford to protest the funeral of one of the men from there who was killed in Iraq. For those who don't know, this “church” protests the funerals of slain soldiers across the US with hateful signs and chanting. They do this because they feel God is punishing the US for tolerating homosexuality by killing our soldiers. Anyway, over 1000 Sussex County folks showed up in counter-protest and ran the Westboro folks out of town (Five Arrested During Confrontation with Kansas Church Group - WBOC-TV 16, Delmarvas News Leader, FOX 21 -). My father attended and told me in a call afterwards that he had no idea how much some people hate gay people. I’m sure he was not the only one who had his eyes opened that day, and hopefully their hearts and minds expanded a bit as well.

[longnecker]

Originally Posted by jm02

Finally, here’s a bit a trivia that may or may not offer some illumination on this topic: In 2006, the Westboro Baptist Church (the “God Hates Fags” group), came to Seaford to protest the funeral of one of the men from there who was killed in Iraq. For those who don't know, this “church” protests the funerals of slain soldiers across the US with hateful signs and chanting. They do this because they feel God is punishing the US for tolerating homosexuality by killing our soldiers. Anyway, over 1000 Sussex County folks showed up in counter-protest and ran the Westboro folks out of town (Five Arrested During Confrontation with Kansas Church Group - WBOC-TV 16, Delmarvas News Leader, FOX 21 -). My father attended and told me in a call afterwards that he had no idea how much some people hate gay people. I’m sure he was not the only one who had his eyes opened that day, and hopefully their hearts and minds expanded a bit as well.

Knowing a little bit about Sussex Countians I would say those people showed up to honor a fallen hero and support his family.

[Pine to Vine]

Originally Posted by longnecker

Knowing a little bit about Sussex Countians I would say those people showed up to honor a fallen hero and support his family.

You're right. I attended school with the solider's parents. They are good people. The point I make is that in showing up to offer their support, many of these people, such as my father, also saw in a vivid manner just how much hate a fringe segment of society holds for LGBT people. This moved him a bit in his awareness of the culture in which LGBT people live, and caused him to examine his own beliefs even more deeply. I am sure he is not the only one who came away with some changed impressions.

[svitale03]

With regards to....

Originally Posted by jm02

Is Seaford going to ... offer domestic partner benefits for LGBT city employees any time soon?

Maybe not domestic partner benefits, but if a couple get married, towns in Delaware must offer the same benefits to all married couples.

Excerpted from a pamphlet titled "Delaware Marriage Law, Frequently Asked Questions" put out by Lambda Legal and Equality Delaware:

"State and local government employers must provide same-sex spouses the same health insurance and pension benefits accorded to different-sex spouses."