Memory care facilities in Delaware? Mid-range word-of-mouth recommendations? (Wilmington, Newark: motel, homes)

[Mimidae]

Has anyone priced memory care options in Delaware (particularly New Castle Co., but not ruling the others out) in recent years? I mean all prices included, not just the room rates (that is, as they say, where they get ya). I know there are websites that claim to give prices, but after touring 3 facilities we've found that those websites don't give an accurate picture. We're looking at mid-range: not too low, not too high. We were all set to move our family member into a mid-high range place this week, but they backed out at the last minute.

Price is not the only consideration, of course. It's just that a sibling came from a far distance to help move our family member in this week, and has limited time to tour new options with me. We're trying to avoid sitting through a one hour tour only to find out the place costs over $9k/month (which has happened to us - and it's listed only as in the $5500 range. Many fees). These facilities don't want to give you the full price sheet until the end of their tours.

So ... I'm down to trying for word-of-mouth. Current, new short list includes Paramount and Somerford in Newark, Harborchase and Foulk Manor (N or S) in N. Wilm. Don't recommend "The L" in westside Wilmington: they're the ones who pulled the rug out from under us 3 days before scheduled move-in day.

Thanks!

[nuts2uiam]

I am tossing this out there and have no idea if they are even in the area but it might be worth a call. THE Joan Lunden place,
A Place for Mom. They hook you up to an advisor free of charge kind of like the travel agents. Maybe they could answer so questions for you.

[Mimidae]

That's a great resource! A Place For Mom has been helping my sister for a while, and just tonight they were checking availability at places for us so we could schedule some last-minute tours (instead of the furniture moving day we had planned, alas). But they don't always have an accurate rate picture of the places they recommend, either. It's hard since some facilities have a ton of hidden fees and some don't, and you never get to see the full fees until the very end of the tour. Thank you for mentioning that, though, because it will help someone else out there someday. My sister thinks very highly of that organization.

[nuts2uiam]

I have no personal experience with them but I know from others they do a good job. Good luck.

[Seaponies]

Mimidae - It sounds like you have called several places already. I'm not sure why they won't give you a list of all the prices over the phone.



When I was researching memory care facilities for my father and father-in-law in Ohio, NYC and Maryland, I spoke to probably 30 places at least. I asked each one for a complete price list over the phone and that was how I was able to narrow down the in-person visits to just a few places. Just tell the places that to make this a more efficient process, you need to know all the details on pricing. In many cases they were able to send me a list.



As a tip, to stop them from harassing you later on with phone calls or emails, you may want to give them an alternate phone number where you can just turn off the ringer or have the number go right to voicemail, like a Google voice number, if you know what that is. i would not give them my main number. There were a few places that literally called me every day.

[Mimidae]

New development: any recommendations for places that will take someone diagnosed with a behavioral disorder (more than just dementia)? Now we're thinking less "mid-range place with an art studio and nice outdoor space" and more "who will take her."

[DelawareLiz]

My paternal grandfather had Alzheimer's and he and my grandmother stayed at Foulk Manor (believe it was south) for many years. They were very good to them and seemed to enjoy their golden years there. Visiting them was actually a pleasant experience at that facility.

[Mimidae]

Originally Posted by Seaponies

As a tip, to stop them from harassing you later on with phone calls or emails, you may want to give them an alternate phone number where you can just turn off the ringer or have the number go right to voicemail, like a Google voice number, if you know what that is. i would not give them my main number. There were a few places that literally called me every day.

I'm sorry, I've been really stressed out and my manners are out the window. Thank you for the tip about the alternate phone number. I went and bought a cheap phone with a cheap "T-F" plan (not sure if I'm allowed to post actual name of carrier), which is $18 for 3 months of limited texts, calls, and data. I've been using them for years. On the rare occasion that I run out of texts or phone minutes, I put another $5 or $10 into it. Good tip.

As to not getting info over the phone, part of the problem is that my sister is the one communicating with the potential nursing homes (I've gone on tours with her). She is the one who told me that she couldn't get any prices over the phone. It's entirely possible that she didn't realize you could push for that information. We're both very new at this.

[Mimidae]

Originally Posted by beachliz

My paternal grandfather had Alzheimer's and he and my grandmother stayed at Foulk Manor (believe it was south) for many years. They were very good to them and seemed to enjoy their golden years there. Visiting them was actually a pleasant experience at that facility.

Thank you Beachliz, Foulk Manor South is one of our top choices. I'm glad to hear this review. The assisted living part seems great. I love all of the little social areas and the paved walking paths in the fenced yard. The memory care is somewhat more plain, but that has been the case at every place we've visited.

In fact, at most places there's an even larger difference between the AL and the MC wings. There's a place in Kent County that seems eager to take her, warts and all, but their memory card ward is so plain and small and devoid of decor that it feels like a prison. We toured a ritzy place in North Wilmington with an AL wing that was like a Princess luxury cruise, whereas the MC wing was like a Motel 8. And yet memory care is always more expensive.

It's hard because our senior is really high functioning for someone with dementia, really mobile and self-sufficient. But she's a wanderer with personality issues. I know she's cognizant enough that she would have really enjoyed the relative luxury of the AL wings, and cognizant enough to really dislike the much plainer MC wings. I wish these places had transition wings for people like her. People who are "elopement risks" but who want to "converse with normal people" (that's a direct Mom quote) and participate in every activity available.

This whole thing is so hard.

[lyndyb]

Originally Posted by Mimidae

Thank you Beachliz, Foulk Manor South is one of our top choices. I'm glad to hear this review. The assisted living part seems great. I love all of the little social areas and the paved walking paths in the fenced yard. The memory care is somewhat more plain, but that has been the case at every place we've visited.

In fact, at most places there's an even larger difference between the AL and the MC wings. There's a place in Kent County that seems eager to take her, warts and all, but their memory card ward is so plain and small and devoid of decor that it feels like a prison. We toured a ritzy place in North Wilmington with an AL wing that was like a Princess luxury cruise, whereas the MC wing was like a Motel 8. And yet memory care is always more expensive.

It's hard because our senior is really high functioning for someone with dementia, really mobile and self-sufficient. But she's a wanderer with personality issues. I know she's cognizant enough that she would have really enjoyed the relative luxury of the AL wings, and cognizant enough to really dislike the much plainer MC wings. I wish these places had transition wings for people like her. People who are "elopement risks" but who want to "converse with normal people" (that's a direct Mom quote) and participate in every activity available.

This whole thing is so hard.

My heart goes out to you Mimidae - and the information you provide is very interesting and informative. We have a family member with Alzheimer's, so finding a place for her will no doubt be in our future - she's currently in MD, but DE may be considered.

Best of luck to you!