Did we make a mistake? (Denver, Ken Caryl: transplants, to rent, condo)

[newtostate]

Hello,

We moved here this past June due to my husband's relo. CO is a gorgeous state and we were super-excited to move from the east coast to such a scenic area. W/o much looking we purchased a house in Conifer on top of a mountain w/ a tremendous view, lots of wildlife, ultra-bright stars, etc. But, I'm afraid the kids (ages 10 & 8) and I are not adjusting well to our new surroundings. What we hadn't anticipated (and should have) was the long driving time for everything - sports, playdates, 50 min school bus ride to name a few - along w/ the lack of social neighbors w/ young kids. Perhaps if we hadn't moved from a completely different scene w/ best friends living on the same street and plenty of interactions, this would not be such a shock to the system and feeling of isolation. My question is - should we uproot our kids AGAIN and move down the hill to a neighborhood like Ken Caryl or HR? I've considered Evergreen but I'd hate to experience the same feelings that I have here and it's pretty pricey. I long for the days of kids playing in the (safe) street and chatting w/ moms. Did we make a geographical mistake or is this just homesickness??

Thanks for any thoughts from fellow transplants, child psychologists or anyone willing to listen!

[2bindenver]

Enroll your kids in after school activities. Hockey, Swimming...ask the moms at school what their kids do after school.

[the3Ds]

Originally Posted by newtostate

Hello,

We moved here this past June due to my husband's relo. CO is a gorgeous state and we were super-excited to move from the east coast to such a scenic area. W/o much looking we purchased a house in Conifer on top of a mountain w/ a tremendous view, lots of wildlife, ultra-bright stars, etc. But, I'm afraid the kids (ages 10 & 8) and I are not adjusting well to our new surroundings. What we hadn't anticipated (and should have) was the long driving time for everything - sports, playdates, 50 min school bus ride to name a few - along w/ the lack of social neighbors w/ young kids. Perhaps if we hadn't moved from a completely different scene w/ best friends living on the same street and plenty of interactions, this would not be such a shock to the system and feeling of isolation. My question is - should we uproot our kids AGAIN and move down the hill to a neighborhood like Ken Caryl or HR? I've considered Evergreen but I'd hate to experience the same feelings that I have here and it's pretty pricey. I long for the days of kids playing in the (safe) street and chatting w/ moms. Did we make a geographical mistake or is this just homesickness??

Thanks for any thoughts from fellow transplants, child psychologists or anyone willing to listen!

Yikes...50 minutes is a pretty long commute to get to school and civilization. You're probably just homesick...give it a little bit of time. We moved here 2 years ago from Florida and didn't know a soul. I found a great meetup.com group in my area and met a lot of nice moms. Now that my oldest is in elementary school, I am very involved with the school and PTO and have found really nice people who are in my immediate area to go do things with. But, honestly, it's taken me nearly 2 years to find people I can actually envision becoming good friends with and not just merely waving or saying a quick "hello" to. We have a pretty friendly neighborhood and I've met a lot of nice people here but just hadn't found that true connection yet. What I've come to realize is that I have true friends and hang out friends. The people I've met since moving here qualify as hang out friends and that's okay too.

Spend some time on some websites like meetup.com and Denver Moms Like Me (you'll have to Google it as I'm not sure of the exact website address). You will probably find people in your area who are looking to meet others. Colorado is full of transplants and lots of people are out there trying to find friends.

And remember...when you take your kids to school or to activities, smile and say something first. There are so many people who get on this website and declare Coloradans "snobby" or "standoffish" yet make no attempt to start up a conversation. Westerners (as I consider Coloradans to be) are friendly but they're not going to deliver a "welcome to the neighborhood cake" so striking up a conversation MAY fall to you. I'm pretty shy in social situations but have found that if I can just make eye contact, smile and say something first, nearly everyone will take a moment to chat. Finally...2 other "tricks": Don't hang out in your backyard...go in your front yard and let your kids play...take a walk and say hello to your neighbors. And 2nd...when picking up your kids at school, get out of your car and wait in an area where you see other parents waiting. I see so many people sitting in their cars, letting them idle while talking on their cell phones. Who are you going to meet that way? It's almost like dating...you've got to put yourself out there.

Good luck....I think you'll really enjoy Denver and from what it sounds like, you've picked a very pretty area. Everything takes time.

[livecontent]

Yes you made a big mistake. Forget all that nonsense of mountain scenery, clean air, quiet isolation, wildlife; the real wildlife you better concern yourself is your children. I hear this all the time about families with children who become bored and it is not easy for other activities when living in these remote mountain locations.

I have relatives who have a teenage boy and he hated their idyllic mountain home. They are forced to rent a condo in town, so he can be close to his friends and after school activities.

Be prepared, it is going to get much worse as your children age in early teens. That is the age when they will want to hang around with their friends--not their parents or their siblings. They will want to start that training with early "mating rituals". They want to walk to the corner store and the girls will stand in groups and giggle and look at the boys. The boys want to be with their group as they google the girls, and engage in the boy traditions that instinctively are necessary to become men.

You are going to "drive" herself crazy as you "drive" them here and there. Latter as the kids get to latter teens and want to "drive", you are again be "driven" into worried insanity as you think about them "driving" on the mountain roads.

I would move to a more adaptable place for your children. It will make your children happier and you will be able to have a more peaceful life.

Livecontent

[CAVA1990]

Originally Posted by livecontent

They want to walk to the corner store and the girls will stand in groups and giggle and look at the boys. The boys want to be with their group as they google the girls, and engage in the boy traditions that instinctively are necessary to become men.

Sounds as if you haven't been around kids in a long, long time. The world's changed Pops.

[livecontent]

Originally Posted by CAVA1990

Sounds as if you haven't been around kids in a long, long time. The world's changed Pops.

The main idea is that kids want to be around other kids. They do not want to be isolated in a mountain home with their parents and their siblings--it does not matter if it has the greatest scenery. Kids, teenagers, young adults want to socialize and that remains the same--it does not matter what you call it or where it happens. Perhaps you are too wet behind the ears to understand human behavior; and are not old enough to see that for all that changes, much remains the same.

Ahem, cough, cough arghmmmm...owh...why do I have to explain this simple idea to a brash "know it all" youngin....

Livecontent

[formercalifornian]

Originally Posted by CAVA1990

Sounds as if you haven't been around kids in a long, long time. The world's changed Pops.

The methods may have changed, but everything else stayed the same.

[mczabe]

Originally Posted by formercalifornian

The methods may have changed, but everything else stayed the same.

Agreed - I actually thought LC gave a pretty good summary of how kids behave, be it the corner store, the movie theatre, or the rec center.

To the OP - Sending you a cyber-hug! I don't know if you've made a mistake or not. I do know that having many kids in close proximity, a school down the street, and lots of other moms nearby has been a lifesaver to me personally - having moved across country from all family and friends. I can't imagine trying to put down roots in a new community when I had to drive 40-50 minutes each way to get to it.

[Gottasay]

No way would I allow my kids to ride on a school bus for 50 minutes. I'd rather homeschool them. Have you looked into homeschooling? I know its real strong in Colorado. Your kids would meet a lot of kids that way (through co-ops). Are there sports, outdoor or musical activities that you would love to develop in your child? This would be a great opportunity to do so b/c you would have plenty of time on your hands. Heck, you could turn them into great astromists given that view you have! I'd take advantage of the surroundings you find yourself in -- what a great way to grow up!

[denverian]

I think what you've described is exactly why I wouldn't live in the mountains! I'm a social person who wants everything I need within 10 minutes of my front door, and I have that living in Stapleton. The views up there are amazing, but it's a tradeoff. We lived in Orange County, CA for years and looked at places up into the hills that had great views, and were probably ok for the social aspects as the neighborhoods were somewhat dense, but still couldn't imagine having to drive 20 min. down winding roads to get one thing from the grocery store when needed. Having great views usually means isolation to some extent.