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I have tried everything...begging, pleading and of course, fixing nothing but healthy foods for meals together at home when I cook. My husband is very obese, his BMI is at 34.5. He really likes sodas, chips, cookies, cakes, sports drinks and sweet, sweet coffee. He eats these foods everyday at work, and he works at a hospital...you would think he knows better. I just want to help him, because the doctor is concerned about his lungs and his heart. There have been some problems noted at previous checkups. He won't exercise with me and he turns up his nose at things like...the entire vegetable food group. He is a straight up meat and potatoes kind of dude and sweets after that, then salty junk. I don't keep much of this around, but like I said, he buys and eats it at or en route to work. We have fitness equipment right here, so he has no excuse. He simply does not seem to care. He sees me on it everyday, but he won't join me. He knows what the doctors have told him, more than one has told him plainly to EXERCISE, but he uses his back as an excuse every time (the back doctor actually gave him clearance to engage in moderate activity) and this has been 3 years now past his last surgery. I'm starting to think there is nothing I can do, and maybe he doesn't want to get better. Does anyone have a motivational story or some advice? I hate to see him looking this way. I'm beginning to feel sorry for myself, too. It's contagious.
Last edited by Doomed_Shroom12; 12-10-2013 at 06:58 AM..
It's really up to him to start. The more you force it, the more he will resent you. There's no way of working around it. I definitely understand how much you want to help him.
I was lucky enough to get my boyfriend going when I led by example. I think he's lost seventy pounds so far. One thing he thanks me for is not forcing him to eat healthy and exercise. Just giving him facts and letting him know how good I felt. If I begged or pleaded, I don't think I would be at this point with him today.
It's really up to him to start. The more you force it, the more he will resent you. There's no way of working around it. I definitely understand how much you want to help him.
I was lucky enough to get my boyfriend going when I led by example. I think he's lost seventy pounds so far. One thing he thanks me for is not forcing him to eat healthy and exercise. Just giving him facts and letting him know how good I felt. If I begged or pleaded, I don't think I would be at this point with him today.
Thanks for your reply Drunkwithwords.
I'm envious of your success with your BF. I am currently trying the "male ego" route as a last ditch attempt. I'm not very good at subterfuge, however. I prefer to shoot straight and keep it simple. So, I saw him yawning and stretching this morning, and I said "Hey babe, your arms are looking more toned up. Have you been hitting the pull up bars? Lifting? It's Sexy!" I mean, he will grin and be all cute when I say things like that, but there is still the issue of him not being motivated to make a real lifestyle change with diet and exercise. Believe me, I hate certain things about this too, but it's getting easier. I was a junk food junkie for YEARS. I spent the better part of my military career addicted to all the delicious, bad for you things...and the only reason why I was spared health wise, is likely because I was running 15-20 miles every week and training hard. He always tells me, "I can't drink that crap that you make in the blender. It's gross. I'd rather die happy from the heart attack." Really? He may as well be telling me that he does not care about me or our kids, either. Caring for oneself is important and I just wish I can help him along here without being taken as a you know what.
You cannot get him to change his diet. He has to be the one to come to the realization that he needs to change. You can however tell him that you love him and you will be devastated when he dies prematurely because of his weight.
Wow, you have a problem. I can do nothing for my sister to lose the 120 lbs.
Nothing works...she does get inspired for max 2 weeks.
Omg, an idea popped into my head just now...what if you bought subliminal CDs
(prob online somewhere)?
Yes! This could work! They repeat over and over to the subconscious mind...things like:
"I only eat when I'm hungry"
"I only eat small portions"
"I only eat healthy foods, only when I'm hungry."
"Feeling slim feels better than any food tastes."
Remember, it will just sound like rock, easy listening, classical...whatever you purchase.
Wow, you have a problem. I can do nothing for my sister to lose the 120 lbs.
Nothing works...she does get inspired for max 2 weeks.
Omg, an idea popped into my head just now...what if you bought subliminal CDs
(prob online somewhere)?
Yes! This could work! They repeat over and over to the subconscious mind...things like:
"I only eat when I'm hungry"
"I only eat small portions"
"I only eat healthy foods, only when I'm hungry."
"Feeling slim feels better than any food tastes."
Remember, it will just sound like rock, easy listening, classical...whatever you purchase.
I considered this. I'm on it for sure. Hopefully, I can get something off YT that he can tune into while relaxing in the bedroom. Thanks for the suggestion.
I have tried everything...begging, pleading and of course, fixing nothing but healthy foods for meals together at home when I cook. My husband is very obese, his BMI is at 34.5. He really likes sodas, chips, cookies, cakes, sports drinks and sweet, sweet coffee. He eats these foods everyday at work, and he works at a hospital...you would think he knows better. I just want to help him, because the doctor is concerned about his lungs and his heart. There have been some problems noted at previous checkups. He won't exercise with me and he turns up his nose at things like...the entire vegetable food group. He is a straight up meat and potatoes kind of dude and sweets after that, then salty junk. I don't keep much of this around, but like I said, he buys and eats it at or en route to work. We have fitness equipment right here, so he has no excuse. He simply does not seem to care. He sees me on it everyday, but he won't join me. He knows what the doctors have told him, more than one has told him plainly to EXERCISE, but he uses his back as an excuse every time (the back doctor actually gave him clearance to engage in moderate activity) and this has been 3 years now past his last surgery. I'm starting to think there is nothing I can do, and maybe he doesn't want to get better. Does anyone have a motivational story or some advice? I hate to see him looking this way. I'm beginning to feel sorry for myself, too. It's contagious.
This will draw vitriolic responses from the usual suspects, but to me he sounds like the perfect candidate for a low-carb diet, the most recognized form of it being Atkins. He sounds like he's hooked on sweets - this diet helps him break off of that particular addiction and he doesn't have to feel like he's starving, as he can eat until full. Getting off the refined carbs, primarly sugar, smooths out blood sugar swings, helping curb his appetite. So if followed correctly, he will ultimately eat less as his appetite diminishes.
If he follows it he will lose weight and begin to feel better and more energetic. At that point, he will likely be more interested in exercise. Indeed, he will have much more energy and will likely want to get moving more than he currently does. I would suggest trying to get him to focus on the diet now and do something simple like walking. As he feels better and loses some weight, he can always increase the physical activity.
For motivational purposes, you can google any number of blogs/success stories, but I happen to like to read the Diet Doctor blog run by a Swedish Physician. There are plenty of success stories on there, but this links to the most recent one I've seen of a women who lost 92 pounds on this type of diet:
I have tried everything...begging, pleading and of course, fixing nothing but healthy foods for meals together at home when I cook. My husband is very obese, his BMI is at 34.5. He really likes sodas, chips, cookies, cakes, sports drinks and sweet, sweet coffee. He eats these foods everyday at work, and he works at a hospital...you would think he knows better. I just want to help him, because the doctor is concerned about his lungs and his heart. There have been some problems noted at previous checkups. He won't exercise with me and he turns up his nose at things like...the entire vegetable food group. He is a straight up meat and potatoes kind of dude and sweets after that, then salty junk. I don't keep much of this around, but like I said, he buys and eats it at or en route to work. We have fitness equipment right here, so he has no excuse. He simply does not seem to care. He sees me on it everyday, but he won't join me. He knows what the doctors have told him, more than one has told him plainly to EXERCISE, but he uses his back as an excuse every time (the back doctor actually gave him clearance to engage in moderate activity) and this has been 3 years now past his last surgery. I'm starting to think there is nothing I can do, and maybe he doesn't want to get better. Does anyone have a motivational story or some advice? I hate to see him looking this way. I'm beginning to feel sorry for myself, too. It's contagious.
That's not exactly "very obese". Anyway, maybe show him the Half Ton Man, might scare him straght:
Thanks for your replies MUTGR and Lucky.
One of his buddies is doing some gimmick "health drink challenge" and I feel so disappointed that my husband thinks some magic potion is going to fix this. Especially a magic potion full of fructose and excessive vitamins. I think he calls himself following a "low carb" diet now...what that generally entails is him eating like 6 pieces of chicken and ignoring the salad and steamed broccoli and being a "good boy" for forgoing bread. He is reasonably intelligent, why can't he see eating well and being active are vital to good health? I know, I'm just venting out loud. I'm so concerned. This is really affecting our marriage because I don't recognize this man anymore. When we met, he was about 180 and built like a cornfed stallion. Man, You guys should have seen him back then...he could induce, well never mind. He was in great shape, not overly cut like some guys on here flexing, but you know, normal fit male frame like the old school fit men from western movies 'back in the day'. I have had two kids and I stay fit, even fitter now than I was in my 20's. I can't really enjoy sex with him. His weight crushes my hips. His belly gets in the way of other positions and to be honest, I don't really find him attractive anymore. I still love him, yes, but I don't think he looks good this way and it's also bad for his well being. Both factors are affecting me. I try to stay a way he would like, but I also do it for myself. One of us has to be able to chase our 8 year old around...
That's not exactly "very obese". Anyway, maybe show him the Half Ton Man, might scare him straght:
It's a lot when you are intimate. Believe me.
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