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This is only true if the child never achieves anything of value and that his confidence is fake. A child raised with the true confidence of real achievement is given a gift that will last a lifetime. It is only fake confidence that is a problem.
Agreed.
But if your confidence is coming from being the top fish in a little pond, it's a disservice, as sooner or later you're going to find out that your microcosm isn't reflective of reality.
Agreed.
But if your confidence is coming from being the top fish in a little pond, it's a disservice, as sooner or later you're going to find out that your microcosm isn't reflective of reality.
This is so true. I went to college with a guy who was a hometown hero. Top of his class, athlete, full ride to our top liberal arts college. He struggled academically through college but managed to land a decent job in NYC at the Metropolitan Museum of Art as an entry level PR associate. He lasted three months. He's been back in his hometown ever since selling insurance.
I'd personally rather my kids were never the top in their class or the biggest fish in their pond, someone else's pond is always bigger and that's a valuable lesson to learn.
Assuming the child tends to perform in the approx. 5-10 percentile of the general population on a variety of standardized tests (ability and achievement) ..which option would you support if a parent were to ask your advice?
By "big fish in an average pond" I mean a child who tends to stand out in his school as one of the best, and the school itself is good to very good, but not necessarily "the best". The alternative would be the "average fish in a top-pond" where the child would probably be pretty average in the school context, because many other children excel there, usually because they come from highly educated, professional, overachiever type families.
This is what some people call "pressure cookers" while others see them as environments where "peer pressure" would encourage a solid education.
Which scenario would you favor for your child and why ? I refer to public k-12 education.
Thank you so much.
Top percentile kids tend to do better in environments where they are with their peers. A pressure cooker is only a pressure cooker if one can't handle the pressure.
This thread reminds me of another discussion taking place in Personal Finance on "as child when did you realize you were wealthy or poor". The answers in the other thread shows, most kids who went to "better school" than their own social eco status felt poor when they were middle class if not upper middle class just because they were surrounded by richer kids. Vs. those like me who went to school that was in same social-eco status felt middle class when we were poor. As a child, when did you realize you were wealthy or poor?
In education, I will vote for being top notch in average school. Many already pointed out the benefits from easier college admission to more scholarship opportunity to better confidence. Most importantly school life & college is very small part of our total life span. The main goal is post college life and the world around. I saw plenty of friend who went to top notch high school only to be burned out in college or look for easy major & end up in not so successful career because their grads were average. I was among the top student in poor school. Yes college was shock to me but I was determine to make up for the gap/lack in education & by sophomore year it didn't matter which high school I came from. Many of my high school friends who were top students in HS felt dumb first year of college but by 2nd year we still had the drive to prove yourself because we knew we didn't get to live up to our best potential in high school. That drive lead us to aim higher in college and post college life vs. those who were already burnt out by then. For many of us, life/challenge began in college and grad school instead of grade school/HS
Adolescence is a stressful time of life due to physical and emotional developmental changes. It seems counter intuitive to put them under additional stress from excessive parental expectations or to support the idea of a need to compete with fellow students. Yes, they need to try their best in school, learn to study effectively, contribute to their community, get exercise from team sports or other activities...the latter is also a way to relieve stress and make friends. Isn't a happy, fulfilling, adequately successful life the goal? The child, as they move toward adulthood, gets to choose the definition of success. It's their life.
My advice? Don't go the "pressure cooker" route. Make sure your child is getting a solid, decent education, let him excel in his environment and he will be just fine. My fear with the pressure cooker route is that he/she could either burn out or feel that they are not good enough to compete and simply do nothing. It's not worth it. If he/she is getting a solid education AND has a happy school life too, that is a good thing. Many kids don't reflect well on their pre-secondary school years either do to academic pressures or bullying.
My sister and I went to pressure cookers and realized we could do 10 hours of work a day and be the best or minimal work and be average, so we did minimal work. We are both in professional careers now. The concern with being a big fish in an average pond is that there's no assurance that the average pond will prepare you for college. If you're going to be going to college and won't pass or excel there, it doesn't matter so much where you get in. On the other hand, getting in to a decent school, being able to finish quickly (even if it isn't your top choice) and get scholarship money- which is often likely if you go to a pressure cooker and don't focus on the same few Ivy Leagues and other top top schools- is a benefit.
It really does depend a lot on the fishes' personality. You've got to know your fish very well to judge whether they will do well in a stressful environment or feel overwhelmed.
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You've got to know your fish very well to judge whether they will do well in a stressful environment or feel overwhelmed.
