Need advice before filing for Divorce (wife, marriage, women, love)

[gjmendez1116]

All


Good Afternoon, I'm in a situation. Here's the truth, since I have nothing to gain I would like your honest opinion from the outside looking in.


I've been married for 18mths and brought my Wife with her 2 sons into my house now 17 and 24. The teenage has been a rollercoaster but has been coming around and doing GREAT. Expected out of a teenage and I understand. The 24yo on the other had is lazy, calls in sick to work on regular basis, does nothing around the house, unless asked and does it with attitude. I've also caught him with smoke pip that smelled like weed. I've been identifying issue for over a year now and nothing has changed, so now they are under microscope and I see a lot more and let their mom know so she can let them know, but its like it goes in one ear and out the other. Both rooms are a disaster, they don't do dished and leave food where they ear. They leave empty milk cartons in the fridge, when trash can is literally 1 step away and empty boxes in the pantry. Without to anyone that we are low or out of food. All they do is watch cartoons and play video games. I can understand the 17yo but not the 24yo. Their mom allows the 17yo to bring a 16yo to his room and lay in their bed with lights off (16yo). That not acceptable to me. I'm sure her parents would not agree. My wife let them do as they want because she doesn't want them to feel bad, but I'm in the wrong when I say something. the 24yo will literally starve if his mom doesn't make him something to eat, furthermore, when she makes dinner for all, he will come home not want what she makes and make something else for him. They leave lights on when not in use for hours, waste electricity all day when no one is home.


I do expect quiet time starting at 10pm, Sunday-Thursday because I get up at 545am. Friday and Saturday, they can have at it.


Its gotten to the point that when I complain about problems in my house it starts a big argument and it was so bad the last time I left because I didn't want to fight around the boys and afraid it was going to be worse.


So anyhow I told her that the 24yo, I've had enough! That he would have to go, she stated that I see all the bad they do and she couldn't handle it anymore. As of Friday 1 Feb 2019 we are now separated and she left and move back with her mom.


Her cousin contact me and told her this separation is not fair to our marriage because my wife and I have no issue between each other, it's the problem of the old Step Son in our house and that he would need to move out.


FYI: I am strict, I'm retired Military with a GREAT Paying job, I pay for everything and have also help the 24yo in getting a car because the dad is piece of crap.


So any feedback would be greatly appreciated.


TY, GM

[TexasRedneck]

Do you want to have him still in your house at 30? Because that's where it will go if things don't change. Under NO circumstances would I allow her back with the 24 year-old in tow - and if the 17 year old came back, there WOULD be rules. These boys are pros at manipulating their mom - it's sad, because they're ruining her life and she's too blind to see it. Unless she'd agree to changes, I'd be proceeding with the divorce.

And, yes - I'm a fellow hard-nosed type when it comes to expecting adult behavior from adult children.

[lonestar2007]

I'd say SHE is the one ruining their lives. Letting your children, whom you are providing for, do as they please with no regard to others so they will not feel bad about themselves cannot even remotely be called parenting. She is the real problem here. It's unbelievable how much harm is done to children in the name of love and the insecurity of grown, supposedly mature people unable to cope with temporary lash backs of doing their job and disciplining their children. You are doing them the biggest favor of their lives with this teaching moment for all of them and someone should point it out to them that they would be well advised to take advantage of it.

I agree with TexasRedneck, she would definitely have to agree to changes or else I'd be getting on with my life. Just my opinion based on what you have said here.

[gjmendez1116]

Originally Posted by TexasRedneck

Do you want to have him still in your house at 30? Because that's where it will go if things don't change. Under NO circumstances would I allow her back with the 24 year-old in tow - and if the 17 year old came back, there WOULD be rules. These boys are pros at manipulating their mom - it's sad, because they're ruining her life and she's too blind to see it. Unless she'd agree to changes, I'd be proceeding with the divorce.

And, yes - I'm a fellow hard-nosed type when it comes to expecting adult behavior from adult children.

I agree and try to see where did I go wrong, the only problem would be that I was to strict, but don't see it, perhaps to lenient? I agree with the rules, but don't want the 24yo back into my house.


Thank you for your feedback


GM

[gjmendez1116]

Originally Posted by lonestar2007

I'd say SHE is the one ruining their lives. Letting your children, whom you are providing for, do as they please with no regard to others so they will not feel bad about themselves cannot even remotely be called parenting. She is the real problem here. It's unbelievable how much harm is done to children in the name of love and the insecurity of grown, supposedly mature people unable to cope with temporary lash backs of doing their job and disciplining their children. You are doing them the biggest favor of their lives with this teaching moment for all of them and someone should point it out to them that they would be well advised to take advantage of it.

I agree with TexasRedneck, she would definitely have to agree to changes or else I'd be getting on with my life. Just my opinion based on what you have said here.

I truly appreciate your feedback and I agree. They have instilled that women in their lives need to cater to them and clean up after them. I don't! My wife don't need to clean my room, wash my dishes, clean my house or do my laundry, but we do this for each other because we love one another. It's not expected. These are my rules, respect the house, contribute and appreciate what you have.


Well just less than one hour ago, what I expected is happening. I been saying she/they will feel the pinch. Happened sooner than I expected (6th Day) but it happened. Her mom, their Grandma doesn't have regular cable and internet, I'm sure request to assist in paying the bills has arise.


I just got a text from her cousin that they have no washer and dryer, and the toilet needed fixing. My wife is have hard time with money and I should help them out. I don't feel I should have to repair someone else's household. Especially when I have a full functional house.


My wife and I are meeting Saturday morning, I keeping an open mind but I can almost see where this is going.


Thank you

[PamelaIamela]

Originally Posted by gjmendez1116

I agree and try to see where did I go wrong, the only problem would be that I was to strict, but don't see it, perhaps to lenient? I agree with the rules, but don't want the 24yo back into my house.

Thank you for your feedback

GM

How long did you 'date' before getting married?
Were both boys a surprise from Santa?..

Act in haste, repent in leisure.

[gjmendez1116]

Originally Posted by PamelaIamela

How long did you 'date' before getting married?
Were both boys a surprise from Santa?..

Act in haste, repent in leisure.

We dated for over little over 18mths before getting married. Moved in together 7mths before getting married. No surprise.

[lonestar2007]

Originally Posted by gjmendez1116

I truly appreciate your feedback and I agree. They have instilled that women in their lives need to cater to them and clean up after them. I don't! My wife don't need to clean my room, wash my dishes, clean my house or do my laundry, but we do this for each other because we love one another. It's not expected. These are my rules, respect the house, contribute and appreciate what you have.


Well just less than one hour ago, what I expected is happening. I been saying she/they will feel the pinch. Happened sooner than I expected (6th Day) but it happened. Her mom, their Grandma doesn't have regular cable and internet, I'm sure request to assist in paying the bills has arise.


I just got a text from her cousin that they have no washer and dryer, and the toilet needed fixing. My wife is have hard time with money and I should help them out. I don't feel I should have to repair someone else's household. Especially when I have a full functional house.


My wife and I are meeting Saturday morning, I keeping an open mind but I can almost see where this is going.


Thank you

Best of luck to you.

[LLCNYC]

Hmmm why is her cousin calling you for things?

Sounds like your wife maybe from another culture?

[gjmendez1116]

Originally Posted by LLCNYC

Hmmm why is her cousin calling you for things?

Sounds like your wife maybe from another culture?

Her cousin actually like me and understands my point. That we shouldn't be going through this because of her 24yo son. He was just letting me know that since they have decided to move in with her mom that they are feeling the financial pinch of going to their moms house. In which her mom is struggling herself. She doesn't have what I have at my place, it's a burden to all of them.


That's all the conversation between him and I was about.