How different sound Russian and Ukrainian languages for people who don't know either of them?

[erasure]

Originally Posted by erasure

It's horrible to say that to me both of those languages sound like hickish version of Russian. Russian is far more refined and defined than those two.( sorry emoticons don't work on forum today for some reason) Something close to what older, less educated Russian folk would speak in villages. I like very much this Ukrainian singer whose song I've posted yesterday in Music section. I understand the lyrics more or less, but I still had to look them up in details. Found the exact translation from Ukranian to Russian and caught myself trying to *fix* the poetry, automatically, that it would sound good in proper Russian
Океан Ельзи - Стріляй (official video) - YouTube It's like ok, you are a Ukrainian, obviously, but your depression is still essentially Russian. Nothing new or different here, so you might as well sing in Russian.That kind of thing. At the same time I like the sound of conversational Ukrainian; it's just I can't take those languages seriously when it's coming to something more academic. It's almost like I want to say "Now we are getting serious here, can you start speaking normal Russian please?" Sad, I know.

OK, since I definitely like the song, ( as many Russians appreciate it I've noticed,)
I had to come up with a Russian version, and since we have Ukrainian posters here handy, I want to hear, is it close enough to Ukrainian version ( don't forget that it shouldn't be *the same, word in word* translation, since I obviously want to keep the rhyme.)
I don't care much about this video ( have no clue who made it and matched it with this song - I see some English names? ) I mean the video itself is OK, professionally made and all, I just don't find it particularly fitting with the spirit of this song, that's all.

So here it goes, the Russian version;

Слова, слова -
Они- вуаль
Там где хрупка диагональ
Звенит хрусталь

А ночь летит
Куда-то вдаль
Не оставляя шансов нам
На боль, печаль.

Стреляй; скажи чего боишься ты?
Последний шаг, он будет в срок.
Давай, всё будет так как хочешь ты,
Я заплатил за свой урок
Прощай мой ангелок,
Давай, спускай курок.

Слова,слова-
Венец вины
Что ж затаились в головах
На миг они?

И вот - дуэль,
И вот - финал
Где возвышался колизей
Гремит металл

Стреляй; скажи чего боишься ты?
Последний шаг, он будет в срок.
Давай, всё будет так как хочешь ты,
Я заплатил за свой урок
Прощай мой ангелок,
Пора, спускай курок.

( So give me your opinions pls.)

Now I suppose I have to come up with English version that all this stuff wouldn't look odd here.

God knows, I've tried to translate as close as I could, even though I don't quite understand couple of words in Ukrainian version myself)))

****

SHOOT

The words, the words -
They are but a thin veil;
The crystal chimes
And the last line is about to be broken...

The night is flying into the darkness
And carries us away,
Not leaving us a chance
To ponder and to feel the pain - alas.
So go ahead and shoot,
Why are you so afraid to take the last step?
Let everything be the way you want it.
I've paid a price for my lesson;
Farewell my little angel
Go ahead, just pull the trigger.

The words, the words
They are but a halo of the guilt
So why do they still lie in wait in our heads,
Even if for a brief moment?

Here comes the duel,
Here comes the grand finale,
The clang of metal in the near-by Coliseum.

So go ahead and shoot,
Why are you so afraid to take the last step?
Let everything be the way you want it.
I've paid a price for my lesson;
Farewell my little angel
Go ahead, just pull the trigger.

****