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I was shot dead on Rue de l'Apocalypse in Paris on the 32nd of January last year. It was horrible. Europe is every bit as dangerous as they say. Don't ever go.
I strolled along central Helsinki, and decided to avoid all public transport hubs because migrants flooded a couple of train stations in Hungary and Germany in 2015. But boy, was I wrong. At Malminrinne 2 I was jumped by a gang of jihadists who raped and mutilated me, and I became pregnant though I'm a man, in order to breed more terrorists.
The police didn't help me at all, as the Kamppi district in Helsinki is a "no-go zone", and the police can't enter. According to Sharia law I'm the one to be blamed, and because Sweden is the "rape capital of the West" I was told to shut up and follow the example. My rectum was hurting, my dignity taken away from me, and I couldn't do anything but watch the fireworks when the suburbs are burning while waiting for my next social security check, as in socialist Europe you can get money endlessly without ever having to work.
Yeah or so I wish, because the pickpockets clear you up of any valuables you have on you, anytime anywhere. I had €50 in cash walking down the street and when I got to the store I was left with €4.70. Considering the exuberant COL in Europe, I got 10g of pasta and one quarter of a tomato with that.
I walked home (as Europeans cannot afford cars due to socialism), but was jumped by another gang of jihadists. They weren't actually after me, but wanted me to take their pictures when they detonate their explosive vests. Ok, a couple of buildings collapsed, but that's just another day at the office.
I managed to get home safely (and I'm pregnant), and boiled my pasta. I got some food in my stomach, but started to think that should I buy rice or pasta to get trough the month alive, as the government takes 99% of my income in taxes.
Suggestions?
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