Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
What 14 and 15-year-olds even want sexy underwear and clothing? Most girls at that age are perfectly happy enjoying being kids, not aspiring to become the next Kardashian or a stripper.
You're not around too many young teenagers are you? 14/15 is high school, by that time they are not wanting to be thought of as kids anymore.
I think you guys are in the dark about what stage kids are at once they hit high school. Seriously, no "sexy" undergarments until at least 18? This isn't the 1800's. I'm a guy, but at 12-13 (even younger actually but 12-13 for sure) we were all hooking up or at least wanted to, wanted to impress/attract members of the opposite sex, etc.
If all you guys want is sex then by all means go get with those that'll dish it out.
But my daughter was not going to walk around dressed like a skank and thus getting labeled as "one of those". She wound up with some decent nice guys that treated her right because she had some self-respect.
I think you guys are in the dark about what stage kids are at once they hit high school. Seriously, no "sexy" undergarments until at least 18? This isn't the 1800's. I'm a guy, but at 12-13 (even younger actually but 12-13 for sure) we were all hooking up or at least wanted to, wanted to impress/attract members of the opposite sex, etc. It was on by that point.
You being oppressive parents isn't going to change that, it's just going to make your kid resent you. And they will get the sexy stuff anyway, so your not even preventing anything. Plus, they are more likely to respond by going to those extreme's as soon as they can, just because you made a big deal about the smallest stuff and so severely limited them. Classic example is the kid whose parents were severely anti-gun, oppressively so, and surprise surprise, the kid joins the army and is super into guns.
I don't think forbidding my daughter from dressing "sexy" at the age of 13 is being an oppressive parent. Its not like I keep my daughter locked in the house all day not being able to do anything. Nor do I make decisions about everything she wears. I allow her freedom to express her own personal style, but as her mother I'm not about to let her run around wearing something a 20-something would wear. I think that's the problem with some parents...too busy trying to be a cool friend instead of providing the discipline and guidance kids need to become responsible adults. Then those same parents wonder how they got to be grandparents in their late 30's.
I was just about to go find that story to post it here. Just because a young girl is wearing something "sexy" doesn't mean she is asking for it, or is part of the problem. The victim of such a horrible crime should never be blamed, and it should never be said that its because of what they were wearing. Most times the victims aren't even wearing anything "sexy" they are just wearing normal clothes.
As far as letting teenagers wear "sexy" things? Its all about being age appropriate. Would I buy a 15 year old a black lacy teddy? God no, that is wildly inappropriate. But a thong from VS Pink line with rainbows and puppy dogs on them? I don't really have a problem with that. Although I would probably encourage her to get some normal underwear too, but I wouldn't care if it also came from the Pink line. Its not like the "junior" underwear they sell at Target is that much different.
And they're definitely a lot more comfortable to wear then the 6 pack of fruit of a loom.
I would much rather my daughter wear a thong at 13 then wear leggings with a shirt that doesn't even cover up their butt. Now that is a trend that I find disturbing. Young teens should not be wearing tight clothing that lets strangers know the exact shape of their butts.
the whole premise of when it is or isn't okay to wear seems silly to me. do you think that not allowing a girl to wear a thong is going to prevent her from having sex? isn't that the whole goal here?
take my entire opinion with a grain of salt, as i don't have a daughter.
What 14 and 15-year-olds even want sexy underwear and clothing? Most girls at that age are perfectly happy enjoying being kids, not aspiring to become the next Kardashian or a stripper.
Probably 75%. In fact it would be more rare to find a teen at that age not concerned with "being attractive."
The discussion about why they want to wear a thong is way more important than actually getting one.
Also, there has been a huge cultural shift in the past 10ish years on thongs. Sure when I was a teen, thongs were considered stripper-wear. And my mom still thinks they are. But in recent years they have become a practical (yet rarely comfortable) underwear choice.
I wouldn't be surprised if many younger mothers didn't have a strong opinion on thongs. Particularly the microfiber/everyday type, they have been desexualized since the "Thong Song" came out.
Sexy is defined by how you have been socialized. For every person who thinks thongs are sext, there is someone else who has pencil skirts on the list. Anything can be sexy.
What is worrisome is when young women sexualize themselves. Particularly when they are connecting it to things like popularity, romantic attention and social acceptance. It is normal and healthy to be curious (and explore) your "sexuality" at that age, but it should happen in an age appropriate way.
Kids start worrying about their appearance in middle school, or even earlier, but we don't want them to derive their self-esteem from their perceived sex appeal and attractiveness. And get themselves into situations they aren't ready for.
I don't agree with sexy underwear. Not only because I don't think a child needs anything "sexy," but also because that's usually more expensive than good ol' Hanes, and I don't want to spend a ton of money on my kid's undies. I do, however, see why some parents will take their daughters to VS or other lingerie specific stores to buy bras. It's not about buying a push-up or something sexy, but rather about making sure the fit is correct and it's the right type of bra. A lot of people are seriously uneducated about how bras should fit (the band isn't flush with the skin or is way too tight, the cup isn't big enough for full coverage, or the shape of the cup isn't right for the shape of the breast). I'd rather have my daughter in a correct fitting bra than one that doesn't give her the right support or is uncomfortable. So far, I've been able to find her good bras at Target, but you never know, as she grows, that could change.
Oh, I can also see why some parents would buy their daughter a thong, depending on the reason. For instance, when I was a girl who rode in horse shows, I'd go commando - it was what the other girls did as well, because in riding breeches, the underwear would bunch or show big lines underneath. If my daughter were into riding, I'd rather she wear a thong under her breeches than nothing at all.
I think the part about parents buying their children sexy underwear, just for the sake of having sexy underwear, is part of parents treating their children more like mini adults or friends, rather than their children.
1) if you're daughter is already 17 and hasn't bought a pair of 'sexy' anything yet behind your back, I would be shocked.
2) the kind of underwear your daughter prefers to wear isn't going to make her become sexually active. If your daughter has internet access, she can find porn. If she is around other human beings, she can choose to become sexually active. We live in a sexualized society- just look at ANYTHING in the media. So unless she stays at home every single day with no internet or tv, she is going to be exposed to sex and sexuality. The underwear she chooses to wear is probably the least of your problems.
The sad fact is that clothing choice will not protect your daughter from sexual assault. There are endless testimonies and stories online by women and girls who have been assaulted in their PJs, in jeans and a t-shirt, in their house clothes, in their work clothes. Clothing won't keep the "bad boys" away. But telling her that it will sends a very dangerous message.
If your daughter is assaulted and you've told her that x, y, and z could lead to that assault, she is going to blame herself. But she didn't make someone else rape her. That simply isn't possible. You can't 'want' to be raped because rape is unwanted by definition. So can it be her fault if someone else decides its okay to violate her body, REGARDLESS of the clothing she wears, the way she carries herself, or the situation she is in?
The girls who get caught in victim-blaming suffer deeply. They hurt themselves, the suffer from untreated PTSD because they feel they deserve it, they even commit suicide. Maybe you think I'm blowing this out of proportion but when every 2 minutes a american is assaulted, it's extremely important that these survivors are told that its NOT their fault. Because the consequences of not doing so are devastating.
A few things:
1. If a 17yo buys a pair of cute undies that could be construed as sexy on her own dime, I see no issue with that, she's practically an adult. If my 13yo bought the same underwear, I may or may not think it too mature... depends on the underwear. If it was a thong? Absolutely not. She's 13.
2. Underwear isn't really a problem. The problem is the idea that parents should encourage young girls to buy "sexy" clothing to begin with. Why not cute clothing that makes them feel nice and isn't incredibly tight, revealing, etc? I mean, that might well be "sexy" to some young guys, but oh well. At least my kid's breasts aren't hanging out in full view and she's not baring her behind to the world by accident because she's wearing a thong to school.
3. Who would tell a girl that if she dresses a certain way it will ELIMINATE the chance that she'll be a victim of assault? That's pure idiocy!
4. I disagree that telling my daughter that x, y, and z could lead to an assault. It's the truth. Those things COULD lead to an assault by some guy who would misinterpret their meaning. Doesn't make it her fault if she (once she's 18 or older) chooses to wear x, y, or z, but hell... I knew when I was 21 and going to college bars that I was more likely to get male attention wearing short skirts and push-up bras than if I went in there in baggy jeans and a t-shirt. DUH.
5. Here's your bottom line. You teach your daughter to be mindful of the messages she may inadvertently be sending. You let her know what other things she can do to prevent such things (like not getting smashed in a frat house and being there alone with a bunch of men and/or not going out without wearing underwear and getting drunk in a bar and going home with some guy she never met)... you let her know there's safety in numbers and that she needs good girlfriends to stick with her when she's out and about and that she can always call you, even if she was drinking underage and you won't punish her and you'll come get her right away...
You do this, and your daughter will be fine. Might she still be assaulted? Yes. Any woman might be. But, at least she'll be making wise choices to help decrease the chances that this will happen to her.
The feminist notion of being able to wander the streets half naked on a Saturday night and not get molested is a bit ridiculous. I won't leave my car unlocked on a street on Saturday night. Why would I want my body to be any less protected?
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
Last edited by RedZin; 04-23-2014 at 02:48 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
