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My main point is that it has to be rare for a woman of her age to still be interested in fashion and cosmetics. Am i right here?
You are absolutely wrong. Why would you think she should stop caring about herself when she is still alive and physically capable of putting forth the effort to look as good as she can? At that point, what is the use of still living if you no longer care how you present yourself?
More power to your mom, I hope she is able to continue as long as she has a breath to draw. And don't worry, you don't get stuck with her credit card debt when she passes.
Last edited by dddiva; 02-22-2015 at 07:55 PM..
Reason: redundancy
That says more about you than her. I mean, a gift is supposed to be something you are happy to get, not something the giver hits the recipient over the head with in order to teach them a lesson you think they "should learn."
I agree with everyone saying "let her do what makes her happy". I'd also add to that that 81, depending on the health and vitality of the individual, is not really as "old" as it used to be. Plenty of octogenarians these days have a lot of energy, full use of their wits, and an active social life. Someday this won't be the case for her - so enjoy her in her fabulous new outfits while you can.
If she has always liked fashion and cosmetics, why would she stop liking it now? It's not like it's bungee jumping. Don't you ever see older women? They don't shuffle around in housecoats and slippers.
My 91 year old mother-in-law recently moved to a senior complex where, in the winter, they travel by tunnels inside, rather than walking outside. She told me that those tunnels were really starting to get cold. I started looking for a nice cardigan for her that would be long enough to keep her warm, and fashionable, too. She, too, has always liked nice clothes. It was one of her fears about moving, having enough room for them all!
I finally bought her a cardigan that looked nice and warm, it was long enough, had pockets, was belted, shawl collar, it was from Daisy Fuentes, from Kohl's! She loved it! Tried it on immediately and looked at it from every angle. Later, she told me that some women there admired it and asked where she got it! She didn't know, because we gave it to her for Christmas, with some Godiva chocolates.
So, you want to give her a Costco gift card to teach her a lesson, and you think it's funny? How embarrassing for her. Nice.
My mother just celebrated her 81st birthday. I just find it odd that she still enjoys buying nice clothes to wear. She only wears it a few times and never to be seen in the same outfit again. She has a huge closet of clothes from over the years and it is continuing to accumulate. I just find it odd that she is still into fashion at her age. For her birthday, i got her a gift card from Sams Club instead of Macys. I don't think she was too happy, but she didn't voice it. I told her to just worry about the more important things in this latter part of her life, but she wouldn't listen. I encouraged her to travel and enjoy life, but she prefers to go shopping and hang out with her friends playing cards. She still has a credit card debt from Macys and is only able to pay the minimum each month. I don't think there are many 81 yr old women just like her. I think most 80 yr old women have better things to do then go apparel shopping. Fashion/shopping can be an addiction i guess. Thoughts?
My mother is 91 and loves clothes. And jewelry. It has to be bright, nothing dull.
My mother in law at 84 still dresses beautifully. She has her hair dyed each month, her hair styled and nails painted bright red each week. While her hairstyle is a bit dated 1970s style, her wardrobe is to die for, especially her original Pucci 1960s evening gowns still hanging in her closet.
She looks fabulous all the time from the top of her head to the bottom of her stylish shoes!
Dressing up is a sign she's doing better than many her age. She's looking outwardly and socializing, instead of retreating into a shell.
Don't give her a gift card next time. Give her a check made out to Macy's for $250 or $500. If she's giving cash to her grandkids as presents for their birthdays, maybe you can return the favor.
I think it's nice for the OP to be concerned about his/her mother's finances, but we're missing a lot of information. Does the mother have enough money to carry her for the rest of her life and pay for funeral expenses? Is the OP subsidizing the mother's purchases? Is the mother's spending endangering the OP's expected inheritance (hint: as long as the mother is alive, it's her money, not yours)?
You could show your mother the place on the credit card statement where they disclose how long it will take to pay off the balance paying only the minimum payment. Don't be surprised, though, if your mother isn't too concerned about payments that will be coming due ten or twenty years from now: odds are she's not going to be around to pay them, so she might not care.
I don't doubt that the mother would be offended by getting a gift card for a store where the OP thinks she should shop instead of where the mother wants to shop. On the other hand, the OP could undoubtedly find concrete items to give her that would be used and useful.
Finally, while any outstanding debts would reduce the OP's potential inheritance, it's worth noting that the OP isn't liable for the mother's debts.
Frankly, I think this question would be better placed in the personal finance forum.
... I encouraged her to travel and enjoy life, but she prefers to go shopping and hang out with her friends playing cards. She still has a credit card debt from Macys and is only able to pay the minimum each month. I don't think there are many 81 yr old women just like her. I think most 80 yr old women have better things to do then go apparel shopping. Fashion/shopping can be an addiction i guess. Thoughts?
You have described my now-deceased mother at that age, and to a tee. The only thing is that my mother liked to buy costume jewelry as well. My mother was always very self-engrossed and unempathetic, and her obsession with her personal appearance was a more harmless side that personality.
Bottom line, she was a physically attractive woman and her clothing and accessories were always perfect, though they were not super expensive. This had been a life-long prime interest of hers, and she was not about to drop it in her later years. And I think it would have been like asking a leopard to give up its spots...what for?
I had long ago accepted that had I been a peer of hers, and not her child, I probably would have had nothing in common with her. Her life, and lifestyle, were her own and none of my business as she was self-sufficient.
My thoughts about the OP? Unless over-spending is a problem, just let it go. One of my mother's sisters remained simply but very smartly dressed into her late 80's. She had dressed that way as an executive secretary, and she continued with a kind of smart, businessy style for many decades after retirement. She was never into clothes shopping as a virtual hobby as my mother was.
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