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Now? Every day is Class Picture Day. Every phone is a camera. Every picture, or video, ends up on the Internet. Everyone, from your eighth-grade classmates to the wife of the guy you worked with 10 years ago, can see. And for every news story about Spanx giving up its grip (only to be replaced by slightly more forgiving yoga pants), or every real-size heroine like Mindy Kaling on the cover of InStyle or Rebel Wilson topping the box-office charts, it seems that here in the real world, the beauty culture has only gotten more demanding.
....
It’s sexist, and depressing, and expensive, costly in terms of both money and time. There have been entire afternoons that I could have spent with my daughters where I’ve been in the salon instead, getting my gray covered up and my calluses scrubbed, because I was going on TV, or because I was going on book tour, or because it was Tuesday. Some of it is just liking to look good. Some of it is knowing what could happen online to me, or any woman, who doesn’t.
I read an interview with Tina Fey a while back where she said something similar: when she was a kid, if a woman wasn't sexy she just focused on her family and her job and her hobbies and wore a one-piece to the beach, no big deal. Now women are expected to be hot, all the time and women are even more pressured to diet and sculpt and tan and whatever, because look at Jennifer Lopez! And Jennifer Aniston! They're in their 40s!.
I read an interview with Tina Fey a while back where she said something similar: when she was a kid, if a woman wasn't sexy she just focused on her family and her job and her hobbies and wore a one-piece to the beach, no big deal. Now women are expected to be hot, all the time and women are even more pressured to diet and sculpt and tan and whatever, because look at Jennifer Lopez! And Jennifer Aniston! They're in their 40s!.
It's a choice, really. I do hate the necessity of pedicures and manicures and hairstyling just to look "professional," but I made a conscious choice to look unacceptable so that I could pursue other interests. My clothes are not great and my hair is gray, my nails are a disaster, you don't want to see my toes, but I'm learning to live with it so that I can enjoy the other parts of my life. Fortunately, I spend a lot of that salon time exercising, and I sort of think being in great shape makes up for some of the other appearance faults. I hope.
I've read some of her books and I understand where she's coming from, but she is also choosing to give in to the pressure. Now I understand NYC is a whole other ballgame than here in the midwest, but there is no reason to go through so much primping just to look the same as everyone else. I remember when the only time you saw women with false eyelashes and so much makeup on tv is if they were professional dancers putting on a show. Now everyone is wearing false eyelashes and as much makeup as theater actors wear - it's gross and it looks completely unnatural. Go back and watch some tv shows and movies from the 1970s and 1980s and you'll be shocked at the difference.
Going out sans makeup is a choice. Forgoing manicures and pedicures is a choice. Wearing your hair in its natural, air-dried state with no product or styling tools is a choice. Opting out of cosmetic surgery and invasive procedures is a choice.
If you start eschewing other people's opinions of what is acceptable in your appearance and embracing what YOU think is acceptable, whatever that may be, you'll be a lot happier.
It's a choice, really. I do hate the necessity of pedicures and manicures and hairstyling just to look "professional," but I made a conscious choice to look unacceptable so that I could pursue other interests. My clothes are not great and my hair is gray, my nails are a disaster, you don't want to see my toes, but I'm learning to live with it so that I can enjoy the other parts of my life. Fortunately, I spend a lot of that salon time exercising, and I sort of think being in great shape makes up for some of the other appearance faults. I hope.
Here's the thing. Your exercising? It's maintenance. The other stuff is maintenance, too. And the one thing I know from doing janitorial, it's much easier to maintain something in a particular condition rather than waiting till it's a mess and start over. I never go anywhere and get a pedicure. Or manicure.
When I shower, I close the drain, so the tub fills with water. That soaks my feet as I shower, and then I pumice. I pumice every shower, so I don't have to soak forever and rub and scrub forever. After my shower, I use body lotion, and I cream my feet with a foot cream (Love Curel Foot Therapy) I file my toenails weekly, paint my nails and file my two calluses twice a month.
In the same shower -- I clean under nails with a nail brush, and gently push back my cuticles. I use a good hand lotion (my new favorite Eucerin Intensive repair) a few times a day, and at bedtime, I spend a couple of minutes rubbing Barrielle nail cream into my nails. Really helps my nails -- which aren't worth painting. I trim and file once a week.
My hair -- every 3 months I get a good haircut. I found someone who gets that I am not high maintenance. She told me the best thing for my hair color and my personality was highlighting with a cap. I do that about every six months -- blends in the gray, lightens my hair, and gives my hair some texture, so I can be product free for a while. It's faster for me to dry my hair with a hair dryer.
It actually took me longer to write this out than it does to DO this stuff. -- except for the hair. That takes some time, but still not as much as going to the hairdresser and doing it there.
Last edited by Tallysmom; 06-02-2015 at 11:59 AM..
I've read some of her books and I understand where she's coming from, but she is also choosing to give in to the pressure. .
This. Those pressures have always been around. Most people grow out of that, though. It used to be something that affected teens and their budding sense of self, more than adults. I don't know why an adult would feel that they have to be camera-ready all the time. That sounds like a recipe for a mental-health breakdown, lol! When I read the article in the NYT, I was questioning what profession she was in, that she felt like that. Who would be photographing her with their cell phones? Who would care, or even notice her? Seems odd. Most people aren't that self-conscious. Maybe she has a streak of narcissism?
Or maybe she exaggerated the extent of the "pressure" for the sake of a catchy article. Publishing deadlines/weekly column requirements cause writers to publish "filler", sometimes.
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This. Those pressures have always been around. Most people grow out of that, though. It used to be something that affected teens and their budding sense of self, more than adults. I don't know why an adult would feel that they have to be camera-ready all the time. That sounds like a recipe for a mental-health breakdown, lol! When I read the article in the NYT, I was questioning what profession she was in, that she felt like that. Who would be photographing her with their cell phones? Who would care, or even notice her? Seems odd. Most people aren't that self-conscious. Maybe she has a streak of narcissism?
She is a best-selling writer, so it does happen. Part of her argument is that we all have cameras with us all the time, so even civilians might get their pictures taken at brunch with friends or at happy hour or even at Target, and then these get put on Facebook and Instagram and whatever, and people do judge. It's good to say "don't care about what people think of you" but we all care about it a little (or most of us do) in a way that's not necessarily neurotic.
I once saw a show about attraction that talked about how before mass media all people had to judge from was the people in their daily lives. You'll see a picture of the "most beautiful woman in town" from 1895 and she's nothing to write home about by today's standards, which are judged by every actress and model and athlete in the world. Good on the people who don't ever feel like they don't measure up, but it happens.
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