Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was born here in Ft.worth and even though we moved when I was 2 because I was a military brat I spent my teens here I lived here from age 13 - 21 and and came back at the age of 29 after my divorce. what I found was dating here had changed dramatically in the years I was gone.
For the average guy there is not much to choose from. Most of the women I would want to date are either already married or in longterm relationships. Most of what I see out there that are single are:
A. single mothers
b. very over weight.
C. materialistic
D. Just wanting to date and not looking for anything serious.
I know this trend is growing throughout the rest of the country but it seems to a lesser degree than here.
Hell in cities like LA and NYC I saw women who would be a 9 or 10 anywhere else with guys who would be a 6 on a good day(Too bad I could not afford to live there), or guys who worked low paying jobs and I saw this in waay larger numbers in those 2 cities than here.
Same with Miami, Seattle, and Portland just to a slightly lesser degree in seeing average guys attracting women.
But here unless you have a nice car, nice house, extremely good looking have a college education etc etc... you have A and B above to choose from.
Hell there are even other cities in Texas where I would be viewed as a catch I only know this because that's where the majority of my emails on dating cites comes from, little pothole sized hick towns hours from any real city. towns I have never heard of and have to look up on google maps.
Yes I don't have much in the way of wealth but...... I have no children at home(grown), I work out everyday, own my own home and most important I am faithful, You would think there would more to choose from in such a large city.
Has Ft.worth been bad for your dating lives in regards to getting past just dating?
You are a nice looking guy, and what you tell of yourself indicates you would be a nice guy. So, chin up.
You know, the reason it seems like there aren't any good women out there is because you haven't found the right one yet. It's like the way all the buses seem to be going the other way - but that's because as soon as a bus comes that's going the right way, you hop on it.
Your story sounds just like mine, back when. It was much the same 30 years ago. But, the right one came along, eventually, and we've been married for over 25 years now.
I was born here in Ft.worth and even though we moved when I was 2 because I was a military brat I spent my teens here I lived here from age 13 - 21 and and came back at the age of 29 after my divorce. what I found was dating here had changed dramatically in the years I was gone.
For the average guy there is not much to choose from. Most of the women I would want to date are either already married or in longterm relationships. Most of what I see out there that are single are:
A. single mothers
b. very over weight.
C. materialistic
D. Just wanting to date and not looking for anything serious.
I know this trend is growing throughout the rest of the country but it seems to a lesser degree than here.
Hell in cities like LA and NYC I saw women who would be a 9 or 10 anywhere else with guys who would be a 6 on a good day(Too bad I could not afford to live there), or guys who worked low paying jobs and I saw this in waay larger numbers in those 2 cities than here.
Same with Miami, Seattle, and Portland just to a slightly lesser degree in seeing average guys attracting women.
But here unless you have a nice car, nice house, extremely good looking have a college education etc etc... you have A and B above to choose from.
Hell there are even other cities in Texas where I would be viewed as a catch I only know this because that's where the majority of my emails on dating cites comes from, little pothole sized hick towns hours from any real city. towns I have never heard of and have to look up on google maps.
Yes I don't have much in the way of wealth but...... I have no children at home(grown), I work out everyday, own my own home and most important I am faithful, You would think there would more to choose from in such a large city.
Has Ft.worth been bad for your dating lives in regards to getting past just dating?
I wouldn't call it a "dating wasteland" man
But yes..I agree to some extent... DFW is a GREAT, GREAT area if you are married and raising a family
Or if you are into golddiggers who want to get married(materialistic as you mentioned)
The best places for your age demographic(I would say i'm the same age range too) in Texas are Houston and Austin... No question
I am not responding to the OP per se as much as I am responding to his general perceptions/observations.
Re single mothers: Where do men think single mothers come from? They come from young women who, married or not, had a sexual relationship with a man and either through the non-practise of birth control or through an accident or through an ill planned pregnancy, i.e. not financially, emotionally, physically ready to raise children, became pregnant. Now, for whatever reason, they are on their own with one or more children and are likely struggling financially, emotionally, and spiritually. They do not bear 100% of the responsibility, though, the fathers are just as responsible as are the mothers. The only "innocents" involved in this scenario are the children.
As part of the larger society, I do not like this situation any more than anyone else likes it. Now, however, the single mother is deemed undesirable as a potential partner in large part because she has children from a previous relationship(s). I agree, if I were a single man with no children, I would not be eager to become involved with a woman who has children and baggage from one or more previous relationships, but each woman (and man) has to be evaluated on her/his own strengths and weaknesses. A single mother can still make a good partner for the right man, but men have to be willing to take the time to get to know these women just as they would do single women who have no children. As a member of the larger society, I am grieved to know that so many single mothers, whether they had their children out of wedlock or not, are now deemed somehow worthless by single men as potential partners, and a large part of the responsibility for the children now rests on the single mother's family (if she has any) and the larger society, i.e. the cost to feed, clothe, and educate the children. Ideally, the men and women who have thought out and planned for a family and the long term commitment to raise their offspring are the ones who should have offspring in the first place, but the reality is that this is too often not the reality, especially for individuals from poor backgrounds.
Re severely overweight women (or men). I agree that a severely overweight woman (or man) would not likely attract my attention if I were young and single. The point here is that obesity is not only a health issue, it is an attractiveness issue as well. If you are severely overweight, be you either a woman or a man, you really need to work on losing weight and becoming more fit if you want to attract a partner either for a serious, long-term relationship such as marriage or just for a more casual, dating relationship with a sexual dimension. No offence intended to anyone who is overweight. I am just saying that a severely obese woman or man is not considered sexually attractive by most men or women. That is just the fact of the matter, and I cannot fault anyone for failing to be attracted to a severely overweight woman or man. Sorry.
Re materialistic mentality. Unfortunately, our society promotes this attitude with gusto, and there is little any of us can do about it. As a person ages, hopefully s/he will realise that possessions do not bring happiness, and everything one owns can be lost in an instant due to illness, divorce, and any other number of factors. Sadly, some people will never reach this conclusion, so for those people who value more than mere possessions, the only thing that can be done is to "move on" until you find someone who thinks as you do.
Re the preference for casual dating only. There is nothing wrong with this preference in my opinion. In fact, I applaud those individuals who are not interested in committing to a marriage or other long term serious relationship (often and especially involving children) if they are not emotionally, physically, and financially ready for it. If you are ready for it, then you have to keep looking for someone like yourself who is ready for it, too. I am MUCH more bothered by people (younger and older) who "commit" to relationships without knowing themselves and without knowing whether or not they are really ready for a serious commitment---for the sake of definition here, a serious commitment is longer than six months or even three years, and it includes the acceptance of life's tragedies (such as illness, job loss, etc.) as well as its triumphs. What happens to those people who are not ready but who "commit" nonetheless? They too often become young single mothers/fathers, financially overstrained, emotionally and physically frustrated, and socially alienated from their single counterparts, i.e. people like the OP.
Conclusion...let the observations and the desires of the OP educate us all about the realities of "love," "relationships," and "commitment."
I am not responding to the OP per se as much as I am responding to his general perceptions/observations.
Re single mothers: Where do men think single mothers come from? They come from young women who, married or not, had a sexual relationship with a man and either through the non-practise of birth control or through an accident or through an ill planned pregnancy, i.e. not financially, emotionally, physically ready to raise children, became pregnant. Now, for whatever reason, they are on their own with one or more children and are likely struggling financially, emotionally, and spiritually. They do not bear 100% of the responsibility, though, the fathers are just as responsible as are the mothers. The only "innocents" involved in this scenario are the children.
As part of the larger society, I do not like this situation any more than anyone else likes it. Now, however, the single mother is deemed undesirable as a potential partner in large part because she has children from a previous relationship(s). I agree, if I were a single man with no children, I would not be eager to become involved with a woman who has children and baggage from one or more previous relationships, but each woman (and man) has to be evaluated on her/his own strengths and weaknesses. A single mother can still make a good partner for the right man, but men have to be willing to take the time to get to know these women just as they would do single women who have no children. As a member of the larger society, I am grieved to know that so many single mothers, whether they had their children out of wedlock or not, are now deemed somehow worthless by single men as potential partners, and a large part of the responsibility for the children now rests on the single mother's family (if she has any) and the larger society, i.e. the cost to feed, clothe, and educate the children. Ideally, the men and women who have thought out and planned for a family and the long term commitment to raise their offspring are the ones who should have offspring in the first place, but the reality is that this is too often not the reality, especially for individuals from poor backgrounds.
I can speak a bit about this from experience. The first examples are hard when a relationship is just starting:
1. Baggage. Not baggage from the child, baggage from the ex/father, especially if he left or was caught cheating.
2. Being compared to the ex, especially if he cheated.
3. Not being able to have a normal dating life. It's a pretty big adjustment for a single man with no kids to now have to censor his life.
4. Conversely, if she is willing to hand off her child to a family member or babysitter at the drop of a hat, that's a red flag.
5. The financial aspect. Unless you are rich, dinner goes from 2 to 2+ which can be a bit much. Women still want to be wined and dined and sometimes they don't consider the extra expense. I've rarely heard or have a woman offer to pay for her child. Even if she did, you literally cannot accept that offer and come off well.
6. Her lifestyle, living environment and when she wants you to meet her child. If she lives in a shady apartment or with roommates/parents and wants to you meet her child after the first handful of dates, you are going to wonder if she's into you or into the thought that you can help her give her child a better life.
7. Discipline. I'm not talking about spanking or anything outrageous, just when can you tell a child no? For example, your, the mother and the child are in a store. The mother says no the child can't have a toy. The kid freaks out. At what point are you allowed to say "hey, knock that off. Your mom said no so stop throwing a fit." Plus, what happens when the kid tells bio-dad and "mommy's new boyfriend is mean because he said no".
IF you get through all that and wind up living with or marrying that woman:
1. If you break up, for whatever reason, chances are very good you will never be allowed to see that child again. All the time, experiences and bonds you made are gone. Legally, you can't be forced or force your ex to allow you to continue seeing the child you helped raise.
I lived that. I dated a woman with an awesome 3 year old little girl. Fell in love with both. Within 5 years, she went from living with her parents, driving a car that barely passed inspection and receiving no child support to her getting a new car and us buying a home.
By year 7, my bond with my then 9 year old daughter was awesome. She is my Squirt and I'm her old fart-knocker.
Because of the ex's infidelity, I left. The breakup wasn't pretty and I was told numerous times I would never see my daughter again. The whole thing was very heartbreaking for me and my daughter. The ex, I'm not so sure of.
Lucky for me, pressure from her daughter and her family, about 6 months into our separation she decided I could see my daughter as long as my daughter wanted to see me.
I've been divorced since 2009 and my daughter just turned 19 last month. We talk, text and see each other all the time. It used to be weekends and summer but once she started driving 2 years ago, there is a lot of "dad, let's go have dinner tonight" or "dad, wanna hang out at the house so I can kick your butt in Wii boxing?"
I couldn't imagine my life without my daughter. Something my ex was more than willing to allow happen.
I was very lucky and I fought really hard to have that relationship and her family was super supportive of me.
I ran into my ex-sister-in-law about 3 years after I left the ex. I hadn't seen her at all during that time. I didn't know what to expect but she gave me a huge hug. Told me how much the family missed me and thanked me for stay part of my daughter's life and being a great dad.
She then told me that her and her mom would hear about my daughter asking to see me and the ex saying no. She told me that they pulled my ex aside and told her that unless there was they didn't know about me, she really needed to rethink her decision. A lot of real fathers don't want to be involved so if he's willing to be.... (my daughter's biological dad isn't a good person)
Sorry for the long post but when some men say they are leery of dating a woman with a child, it's not because of some selfish reason or because we discount women with children, it's just that we also put a lot on the line and that can go away at a drop of the hat or the whelm of a woman's decision.
While I that my step-daughter became my daughter, you will have to excuse me I never want to go through that again. I don't want to think of how my life, or my daughters, would have changed if her mom decided I would no longer be allowed to see her 9 years ago.
I was born here in Ft.worth and even though we moved when I was 2 because I was a military brat I spent my teens here I lived here from age 13 - 21 and and came back at the age of 29 after my divorce. what I found was dating here had changed dramatically in the years I was gone.
For the average guy there is not much to choose from. Most of the women I would want to date are either already married or in longterm relationships. Most of what I see out there that are single are:
A. single mothers
b. very over weight.
C. materialistic
D. Just wanting to date and not looking for anything serious.
I know this trend is growing throughout the rest of the country but it seems to a lesser degree than here.
Hell in cities like LA and NYC I saw women who would be a 9 or 10 anywhere else with guys who would be a 6 on a good day(Too bad I could not afford to live there), or guys who worked low paying jobs and I saw this in waay larger numbers in those 2 cities than here.
Same with Miami, Seattle, and Portland just to a slightly lesser degree in seeing average guys attracting women.
But here unless you have a nice car, nice house, extremely good looking have a college education etc etc... you have A and B above to choose from.
Hell there are even other cities in Texas where I would be viewed as a catch I only know this because that's where the majority of my emails on dating cites comes from, little pothole sized hick towns hours from any real city. towns I have never heard of and have to look up on google maps.
Yes I don't have much in the way of wealth but...... I have no children at home(grown), I work out everyday, own my own home and most important I am faithful, You would think there would more to choose from in such a large city.
Has Ft.worth been bad for your dating lives in regards to getting past just dating?
Your going to have to sacrifice a bit. Single mothers are not a bad thing. Its going to be a lot harder if you want to exclude all women 30+ with kids. Even you have kids (that are grown).
I'd also go for the ones not looking for anything serious. Women are emotional and don't know what they want. Just don't telegraph too much interest with these types of women and dont come across too desperate.
Most importantly, get off online dating sites amd get comfortable approaching in person. It's a numbers game but also there's an art to a successful approach depending on the time/venue. That's the most important thing. No need to post your picture. It comes across as "try hard." It's almost like you thought posting a pic could lead to an encounter w a decent girl on c-d. Approach, Approach, Approach. Whether its a coffee shop, bar/club, grocery store, gym, whereever. Use an indirect opener. Ramble with good conversational threads she can use to continue the conversation. Show some indicators of interest. If she's not feeling you, cut it short and move to the next. If she's feeling you, keep talking, number close and hookup later
Wasn't "Cheaters" filmed entirely in Dallas-Fort Worth? And hasn't it been on for about 15 years? Why is that? I don't mean San Antonio is much better, just sayin'.
I agree Houston might be better. Let the hate mail begin. LOL.
RemyLeBeau, all excellent points, and I totally understand and empathise with you. I am really glad to know you were able to maintain your relationship with her.
Personally, I was married one time. I remained married for 25 years and have been alone for more than 10 years now. I cannot envision myself ever remarrying, though. It takes a lot more guts than I have to offer. I tried dating a little in 2013. The dating world has changed a lot since I was a young person. I did not hang around for very long. I felt/feel I would rather be alone than be with the wrong person.
I have one friend my age right now that is in her third marriage. She and her husband have only been married a couple of years, but she is already talking about divorce. Sometimes a relationship cannot be mended, but so often people do not even try. They want to give up at the first signs of trouble. Perhaps if we all had been forced to take courses in school on how to create and maintain a healthy marriage, divorce would be a lot less common. On the up side, I know one couple who will be married for 46 years next month, so it is possible for a marriage to last one's lifetime.
Some ides: Why not take some classes offered on weekday evenings? Subjects that interest you. That way you can deepen your feeling of being a part of the community and also possibly meet some nice people. Also, most single moms with young kids are not going to be in a class on a weekday evening. Even a country line dancing class could be interesting.
I used to belong to the Sierra Club; they have several local branches. Many singles -- even a singles club -- without kids who were more mature joined. It was a blast and most of the members were interested in fitness. Here's the club website for FTW and a couple of upcoming activities on weekends when single moms would be Christmas shopping as opposed to hiking, lol. http://www.sierraclub.org/texas/greater-fort-worth
Even try a match.com class/event. I think they have Bucket List club that has meet and greet type events.
Last edited by WorldKlas; 11-25-2016 at 12:06 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
