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Secretly I'm attracted to 'Frugal' women. It is one of my biggest turn-ons, to find a smart money-minded female who knows the value of a dollar, who likes to use coupons, buys clothes only when they are on sale, only likes to eat out when there's a coupon or a special going on, and only vacations when there's a deal out there.
Of course I would never reveal this to anyone I'm dating otherwise I would be kicked to the curb but I do so want to find a frugal partner!
How important is the frugal trait in a relationship for you?
Secretly I'm attracted to 'Frugal' women. It is one of my biggest turn-ons, to find a smart money-minded female who knows the value of a dollar, who likes to use coupons, buys clothes only when they are on sale, only likes to eat out when there's a coupon or a special going on, and only vacations when there's a deal out there.
Of course I would never reveal this to anyone I'm dating otherwise I would be kicked to the curb but I do so want to find a frugal partner!
How important is the frugal trait in a relationship for you?
It's very important. A poster in another thread recently said something like "It only takes one person to make both of you broke" and that is the truth. Since money is the #1 thing couples fight about, your relationship will go a lot better if you both have a similar approach.
It is very important. My first marriage was to someone who had no concept of frugality. I thought I could "teach" him. Ha. Nope. He was just raised so differently, it was impossible to undo his thinking about money. His idea of being frugal was taking food along in the car for a road trip en route to a vacation destination. Sure, that is helpful, but the idea of skipping the vacation entirely because it wasn't in the budget was something he couldn't swallow. There was just a disconnect between his idea of "normal" and my idea of "normal", because of our family backgrounds (his, upper middle class, mine, blue collar/working class).. for him it was normal and mandatory to take a yearly vacation, and I spent so many hours trying to get him to understand that often the store brand was just as good as the name brand, to no avail.
He insisted on keeping financial habits from the way he'd grown up, but our income didn't support that lifestyle. It was a constant source of stress and conflict (among other issues, of course).
I am married now to someone who grew up "dirt poor" and that brings a different set of issues but my spouse understands that some of that childhood baggage is financially harmful and we work TOGETHER to make money decisions.
It is very important. My first marriage was to someone who had no concept of frugality. I thought I could "teach" him. Ha. Nope. He was just raised so differently, it was impossible to undo his thinking about money. His idea of being frugal was taking food along in the car for a road trip en route to a vacation destination. Sure, that is helpful, but the idea of skipping the vacation entirely because it wasn't in the budget was something he couldn't swallow. There was just a disconnect between his idea of "normal" and my idea of "normal", because of our family backgrounds (his, upper middle class, mine, blue collar/working class).. for him it was normal and mandatory to take a yearly vacation, and I spent so many hours trying to get him to understand that often the store brand was just as good as the name brand, to no avail.
He insisted on keeping financial habits from the way he'd grown up, but our income didn't support that lifestyle. It was a constant source of stress and conflict (among other issues, of course).
I am married now to someone who grew up "dirt poor" and that brings a different set of issues but my spouse understands that some of that childhood baggage is financially harmful and we work TOGETHER to make money decisions.
I had a somewhat similar experience in my first serious relationship. I'm gay so we weren't married. Except I was the one from the middle/upper middle class family and he was the one from the poor family. He was accustomed to living hand to mouth and spent everything he had (and then some). I came from the family where we saved for the vacation, paid cash for modest new cars (and drove them until they weren't worth fixing), paid the house off early, etc. He would say stuff like "but we have a check coming in from X in the near future so we can spend this money now". That would drive me crazy. Either that money was already spent by the time we got it (at best) or the check would come late (or not at all) and we'd be further in the hole.
I also thought I could teach my bf...Never happened. 20+ years later, he's in his early 60s now living like a college student on very little money and in poor health. It's very frustrating for me to witness, but he just wouldn't change his approach to money (as well as a lot of other self defeating behaviors/thinking). It's sort of like watching someone who is an alcoholic or drug addict. There's really nothing you can do for them if they don't want to change.
I had a somewhat similar experience in my first serious relationship. I'm gay so we weren't married. Except I was the one from the middle/upper middle class family and he was the one from the poor family. He was accustomed to living hand to mouth and spent everything he had (and then some). I came from the family where we saved for the vacation, paid cash for modest new cars (and drove them until they weren't worth fixing), paid the house off early, etc. He would say stuff like "but we have a check coming in from X in the near future so we can spend this money now". That would drive me crazy. Either that money was already spent by the time we got it (at best) or the check would come late (or not at all) and we'd be further in the hole.
I also thought I could teach my bf...Never happened. 20+ years later, he's in his early 60s now living like a college student on very little money and in poor health. It's very frustrating for me to witness, but he just wouldn't change his approach to money (as well as a lot of other self defeating behaviors/thinking). It's sort of like watching someone who is an alcoholic or drug addict. There's really nothing you can do for them if they don't want to change.
How funny you gave those examples, because in my marriage now (I am married now to a woman), it's more like the stuff you mentioned. She never had a "pot to pee in" (as my Grandma would say) growing up so when we have money she just wants to go wild. I understand the temptation but she has learned how to find a balance between a small "treat" and blowing every extra penny. It was much worse when we first got together (a decade ago). I could see where she picked up the behaviors though; her mother lived paycheck to paycheck but she didn't need to.. she just spent every single penny, figuring she'd get a check next week anyway, and when she lost her long term job unexpectedly she had NO savings and couldn't pay her rent. When my wife was a kid though, her mother didn't work at all and they never had anything aside from what they got in food stamps.
Some people are willing to change, I guess, and some aren't. I am not some sort of saint with money but I see myself as somewhere in the middle, with regard to attitude, between my 1st spouse and my 2nd.
My ex husband is now in his early 50s and living off of his parents. He doesn't live with them, because that would be "embarrassing" for them, but he lives in an apartment that they pay for and he has still never had to really cut back or adapt to a different lifestyle. Every family handles money differently, but in his family, any problems are "handled" by throwing money at the issue which explains why they 'handle' his issues this way I guess.
its not necessarily important as long as i get to control the money and we set limits.
One person controlling all the money also has its negatives. It can create resentment. Plus, if the one handling money dies or there's a divorce the other one is left clueless. Far from ideal, IMO.
Somewhat. I would like the person to be frugal but perhaps not as frugal as I am or more frugal than I am. There are days when I'm wondering if I'm just too cheap or coming off as too cheap. I don't want us to be a miserly couple who never have time or money we're willing to spend for any fun because we're so busy hauling shower water (navy or peace corp bucket bath only!) from the tub to water our garden where we toil 4 hours a day for all our food. Sensible with money but not too much. I rather be the overly cheap one.
My SO might spend vastly more than me on clothing but doesn't mind living in a modest house and driving old but functional cars.. then again, my extra spending on food pretty much equals her excess spending on clothing so we're pretty much in the same league frugally. As long as they're ok with the overall lifestyle your frugal spending brings, it should be ok.
Pretty important. I have always worked in professions that tend to be lower paying (human services/eduation/social work-type fields), so I've always had to be conscious of how to stretch a dollar so it goes the furthest. Somebody who has made a habit of living similarly simply has more in common with me, values-wise, than somebody who hasn't had this as a part of their life.
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