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Seemingly at every step in life, there's always a freer spending level above. Over the years, I've noted many people that would likely have been financially stable, except they attempted to save face in higher spending groups than they really could afford, thus perpetuating a low savings rate and general lack of resources which compounds as we age on.
I thought this thread may be something on what you do for entertainment and keeping in touch with friends above your economic class, or conversely, what things are enjoyed when you are meeting with friends who may be of more modest means than yourself.
Seemingly at every step in life, there's always a freer spending level above. Over the years, I've noted many people that would likely have been financially stable, except they attempted to save face in higher spending groups than they really could afford, thus perpetuating a low savings rate and general lack of resources which compounds as we age on.
I thought this thread may be something on what you do for entertainment and keeping in touch with friends above your economic class, or conversely, what things are enjoyed when you are meeting with friends who may be of more modest means than yourself.
Having people over for a meal is always a favorite shared activity be it with friends and acquaintances who are better off than I or with those who are a little short on cash. Meeting up for a coffee and/or a pastry is fun, too, and doesn't cost too much.
Another favorite is taking advantage of all of the free or low cost events in the city and surrounding metro--especially in the summertime with outdoor concert season in full-swing. People from all walks of life attend those events and they're a lot of fun. For food, most of them allow you to bring your own food and drink, so a really nice picnic can be had on the cheap.
It's also fun to hit the local lakes for outdoor adventures keeping in mind that those in my friends group who are well-off enough to own boats aren't generally going to be joining us for those activities. Those friends will sometimes have us on their boats for fun times in which case we bring food and drinks to them so we're doing our bit as we can afford to do so.
As someone who has friends who of better means than I and those who are of lower means, I accept that there are times when I'm either going to have decline an invitation to do something with the more affluent friends (or accept that I'm not going to be invited at all) or to have to simplify things for those who I know cannot afford to do some things that I would like to do.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Being Able to Afford Your Friends
Consider this^^^^
... In jr Hi.
By the time you're driving.... It's too late.
My career was spent in the higher paid skilled trades, where many coworkers sat around and did the Jr Hi thing... "My _ _ _ is bigger and better than yours."
_ _ _. From rototillers to motorcycles, chainsaws to archery and hunting gear, every week they were several buying new and better devices, cars, trophy wives...
Got pretty old, but always somewhat hilarious.
When a group of workers got transplanted from an infamous left coast state.... The rhetoric jumped to a much higher and ridiculous level. Since our company paid them a monthly premium for their pain and suffering of moving... AND they were able to retain their 50% higher wages, and of course everything they had was always best,,, the competition escalated. At times to literal fist fights. Management had to call in industrial psychologists who attempted to bring understanding and peace. They failed miserably.
Be your own person.
Be confident and successful in your own eyes and skin.
You'll never be happy as someone else.(who you are NOT)
Even retirees can still be stuck in JrHi social circles.
BTW, the only person I recognized at my 40th HS reunion, was a very good friend who drove his same 1952 pickup to the reunion picnic. He died last yr, so I'll probably be the only one still driving my $75 HS pickup truck to our 50th.
Frugal?
My $35 car that has been getting 50 mpg on free homebrew fuel, came along 3 yrs after HS. It's almost earned it's keep, if it lasts me until my last day driving. (only 30 more yrs)
I inherited my money at 22. For I while I did my share of the old…. “Hanging with the big kids” and “living life in the fast lane”. Nope! As mentioned ^^^ it was all one-upmanship.
Who made more, who had the nicest car, more exotic vacations, zip code, etc.
And then there were the grifters and wanna be’s who tried to separate one from their money.
Your own so called friends….who tried to scam you. It was my brother ( fraternal twin) who talked me down and made me see the light. Who are you? This isn’t how you were raised!
He was disappointed and I really took that to heart because he and I were extremely close to one another and had been since we were kids.
Fast forward.. Moved to France, ( to a farm I had inherited) met a down to earth blue collar guy who didn’t care about money or “stuff”. Fast fast forward… We’ve been together for 6 years, have three kids and live wayyyyy below our means. He showed me that it wasn’t about stuff and more about living a lifestyle. Now I am lopping the heads off of chickens…ewwww! collecting their eggs, milking cows and goats, shoveling, raking, and collecting horse, cow and chicken poop and growing and preserving our food. I traded my high heels for work boots and haven’t had a pedi, manicure or had my hair done in I don’t know how long and rarely even wear make up. Just about all of our friends are blue collar types and they’re always there when you need them… no questions asked and nothing asked in return. Just friends and neighbors… helping friends and neighbors. Pretty sure I’ve found my forever home.
My 2 best friends make more than me and there are times when I just can't afford to go to a winery or whatever and I just say, not this time. They are very understanding when I'm in a Flare ( I have an IBD) and can't go or leave the house, or I'm just plain broke. They don't care, I don't care. We all have pretty much the same lifestyle, although one is still working, doesn't need to, married, the other married and retired. Me? Single and retired.
Seemingly at every step in life, there's always a freer spending level above. Over the years, I've noted many people that would likely have been financially stable, except they attempted to save face in higher spending groups than they really could afford, thus perpetuating a low savings rate and general lack of resources which compounds as we age on.
I thought this thread may be something on what you do for entertainment and keeping in touch with friends above your economic class, or conversely, what things are enjoyed when you are meeting with friends who may be of more modest means than yourself.
We never picked friends by class, means or other related attributes.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,690 posts, read 57,994,855 times
Reputation: 46166
Regarding affordable social things to do with others...
A local organization is now doing what I always practiced and advertised.
"Fun & free for families.". Weekly activities.
As a young family we camped, homeschooled (with a group of 300.), And always lived on or had access to a farm. Always plenty to do on a farm.
As friends, we often helped each other build custom homes, barns, churches , camps... and as homeschoolers, started many businesses as families. All of that can be fun and educational for families and communities.
Volunteer service and vacations are another very inexpensive way to add social capital to your life. We just returned from 3 months in Greece as volunteers. Our only expense was transportation, but we always also cover significant materials / expenses to assure our projects are completed with out a financial burden to the organization. (Who are usually very poor at estimating labor, time, materials, and logistics to actually complete a project). Investing in others is a very cheap and rewarding way to grow (up). Our kid's were very well exposed to volunteer service worldwide, and it changed their life, especially their career ,and education goals and contributions to society.
On Sunday nights in summer, there are free concerts near me a block from the beach. The Jersey Shore Blues and Jazz Foundation concerts are supported by a lot of companies, but also donations, and they sell raffle tickets at the events, too. The bands are good, and my friend and I each usually spring for $5 each to get raffle tickets.
Then afterward we hit the marked down prepared food put out at the end of the day at our local supermarket.
Rain today, so no concert, but friend informed me she already scored 70% off eggplant rollatini and meatballs, and I have salad stuff in the fridge.
.....
......
As someone who has friends who of better means than I and those who are of lower means, I accept that there are times when I'm either going to have decline an invitation to do something with the more affluent friends (or accept that I'm not going to be invited at all) or to have to simplify things for those who I know cannot afford to do some things that I would like to do.
Exactly. It's just keeping up with the Jones, and it's not new.
Sometimes people realize they'll go broke financially if they keep trying to do things others with more money do. So, if they're mature and/or smart -- they just accept they can't spend what other people with more money spend.
Sometimes, as with one person who posted, a loved one reminds the person, "this is not who you are." But in that case the person COULD afford the spending so it wasn't about the money. It was more an attitude adjustment, and realizing all that spending isn't making them happy. It was more of a "why are you doing this" reality check.
That said the friend who has less money may not be able to do everything the more affluent friend can do, but they perhaps can do some things. Can't go on every trip, maybe just one. Can't go out to eat every time, maybe just some times. Perhaps suggest free things. NOT solely because they're relatively inexpensive or free. But because they'd be fun to do -- and just happen to be free.
If the "poor" friend (easiest way to put it, other than constantly saying "the friend with less) suggests free concerts at an outdoor park or a state/renaissance fair, and the "affluent" friend has no interest, it's just not their thing, well then those are non-starters.
Also, what percentage of things to do and places to go, do the friends have as common interests? I will say the wider the financial gap, the harder it may be to bridge.
It works both ways. It is sometimes awkward for the friend with "more" to be with the person with "less".
I am wealthier than some of my friends. I don't go on vacations with them because I don't like the way they travel and where they stay.
I don't fly economy and I stay in better hotels than they can afford. Mass market cruise lines have no appeal for me.
If I am going to a concert, I want better seats than they can afford.
So, we confine our friendship to visits and meals at each other's houses. I'll tend to serve rack of lamb while they serve hamburgers, but that's ok. I'm happy with their hamburgers and they understand why I travel with other friends.
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