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My cousin just died, and other cousin (late cousin's brother) told me on Facebook, and asked if I would notify my sisters. I did so.
My second sister asked me -- when do you put that in the tree?
It was already there. I pulled up the program and entered the date, as I was talking to first sister. When something like this happens, talk often to turns to when, and where, and I need my program open to answer the questions so I updated it then.
Since we aren't close to that side of the family, she seemed to think that was okay.
But when asked when I put our mother's death date in the tree and given the same answer -- she thought that was a little callous. Like I didn't care.
I explained that it actually felt momentous, that I was archiving something Very Important. It was an honor that I could do for our mother.
That seemed to elevate it to ghoulish.
I told her also I do the same thing for births -- get notified, sit down and stick it in the tree. That was perfectly fine.
By the end of the conversation, I think I got convinced what I was doing was normal... for a family genealogist, at least.
So -- when does every one archive the important family dates that happen as we go through life?
I think you did fine but non genies often misunderstand.
I'm not up to date on the deaths but I see nothing wrong with recording them as soon as they happen. Probably in the old days someone wrote it in the family Bible when it happened. Thank goodness there is someone in the family to be the record keeper. The others can give us a hard time when they don't understand but in the long run they will appreciate all our hard work.
You want things to be as accurate as possible, and that means recording it as near to the event as you can. You don't wait a "decent interval" to write an obituary, make funeral arrangements, etc. This seems no different. But then, I am a genealogist, too.
I usually put it in as soon as I hear about it and it's convenient for me to do so. I think some people have this idea that doing so is some kind of emotionless response, as though one cares more about documenting the event than grieving over the loss of a loved one. Sort of how we view journalists and photojournalists who sometimes seem to only be concerned with "getting the story" rather than caring for the people in the story. Personally, I feel it's actually a part of the grieving process. When I entered my father-in-law's death date into my husband's tree, I got choked up and there something very momentous about it, I kind of had my own little private goodbye in that moment.
Yes, it's preserving memories and history for posterity. You never know who will find it one day.
As for anything "ghoulish", probably you'd find just as many complain if you *didn't* mark it quickly, as if their relative was forgotten or not important enough.
Echoes of all the other posters: Do it right away, when you have the facts fresh in your mind. Same with birth, marriage, etc. Our culture just has a bizarre (to me) and ultra-sensitive idea about death.
I faced a similar situation when a first cousin who recently died. I decided to wait 5-6 weeks. In the meantime, while showing him still living in my Ancestry tree, I fleshed out the rest of his profile, and attached photos. I also created custom events with descriptions, about his business history, his hobbies and interests and other commentary about his life/personality from his obituary.
In other words, I turned his profile into a memorial. I always try to do that if I can when I find out about a death. My take is that, to those not involved in genealogy, just listing a very recent date of death might seem rather tacky i.e. "my only reaction/feeling upon learning that this person has died is that now I can record a death date in my tree."
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