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Location: New Albany, Indiana (Greater Louisville)
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I've uncovered a couple family secrets, such as my great grandfather fathering another child that was born about the same time as my grandfather. I've learned to not share my discovery with older family members who might feel deeply ashamed. My oldest aunt on dad's side was stunned that I knew that my great grandfather abandoned his family, married another woman, and moved to California. When my aunt was growing up such information could be hidden, it's too much for the older folks to realize that nothing is hidden in the internet age.
I've uncovered a couple family secrets, such as my great grandfather fathering another child that was born about the same time as my grandfather. I've learned to not share my discovery with older family members who might feel deeply ashamed. My oldest aunt on dad's side was stunned that I knew that my great grandfather abandoned his family, married another woman, and moved to California. When my aunt was growing up such information could be hidden, it's too much for the older folks to realize that nothing is hidden in the internet age.
People did used to hide things that now seem ridiculous to hide. Even 40 years or so ago, we heard my mother's cousin's husband died of a sudden heart attack in his 30s. My mom's cousin was 28, and they had an infant. Well, found out a couple of years ago that he hung himself. For some reason, that was kept secret for many years.
But in other situations, like my great-grandmother's two illegitimate children by her employer, it was known even though that happened in the 1880s. It may be just that I didn't come from fancy schmancy people who had to uphold the family name. My ancestors were maids and tradesmen and farmers. You'd never know it by the looks of my house and garden, though, lol.
One of the motivations for starting genealogical research were the words, "Never ask Grampa about England."
Well, of course I finally found out why. Then the question was whether or not to tell my 90 year old uncle, his son. I asked my cousin if she thought her dad could take it. She said, yes, he could handle it.
So I went to see him and told him the sad and scandalous news. He did take it well as he was a philosophical sort of person. But he still defended the man who was his grandfather--and so do I. The man suffered great shame for bankruptcy, but back in those days, it was shameful, unlike today. It's best to ask first but I think you should always record the information anyway whether you actually tell any living soul or not.
Last edited by in_newengland; 07-10-2016 at 11:22 AM..
Family situations were much easier to "hide" years ago. My great-grandmother had seven children and we always thought she became widowed after my grandmother (youngest child) was born in the 1890s, as that is what was recorded on the following census records.
Turned out she left her abusive husband and relocated with all her children. I found out her husband was alive for decades later and lived out his days in another state with his sister's family. Two cousins corresponded so she knew he was alive, but I suppose she considered him "dead" to herself.
Leaving a husband was probably considered shameful back then as abuse was not discussed, but we see her as a heroine now with the gumption to protect herself and her children when there were few resources to help. Most of her children worked in the mills and stuck together in the same area. Kind of a sad story and my grandmother seldom spoke it, but remaining in a harmful situation would have been worse.
I agree, and I do not hide information about diseases in my family tree on Ancestry. In fact, they're kind of fascinating. I don't see how the information can be embarrassing to anyone.
On my great-great-grandmother's side of the family I have found a large number of relatives who have died from leukemia. One of my great-uncles even died from leukemia, too. Leukemia is not supposed to be hereditary, but the number of leukemia cases in that family is bizarre and unusually high.
Last year a distant cousin contacted me through Ancestry, asking if I found any examples of Lou Gehrig's Disease in my tree. (No.) On her branch of the family, she's found a high number of relatives who died from Lou Gehrig's, even though it's not supposed to be hereditary either.
Interesting. Could these also be cases where they all encountered the same environmental hazards? It may just be that they all have the same genetically similar immune systems that are more susceptible to certain chemicals in their environment and/or their occupation.
Interesting. Could these also be cases where they all encountered the same environmental hazards? It may just be that they all have the same genetically similar immune systems that are more susceptible to certain chemicals in their environment and/or their occupation.
"Most cases of leukemia are not believed to be hereditary, but certain genetic mutations and conditions can be passed along to offspring that increase the chances of developing leukemia. A condition known as Li-Fraumeni syndrome is characterized by an inherited mutation in a tumor suppressor gene known as TP53, and individuals with this condition have an increased risk of leukemia and other cancers. Other hereditary conditions that can increase the risk of developing leukemia include Down syndrome, neurofibromatosis type 1, ataxia telangiectasia, and Noonan syndrome.
Exposure to radiation is known to increase the risk of developing AML, CML, or ALL. Increases in leukemia were observed in people surviving atomic bombs. Radiation therapy for cancer can also increase the risk of leukemia. Exposure to benzene, used commonly in the chemical industry, increases the risk of leukemia. Cigarette smoking is known to increase the risk of developing AML.
Down syndrome, Li-Fraumeni syndrome, and other medical conditions can increase the risk of developing leukemia. Blood disorders known as myelodysplastic syndromes confer an increased risk of developing AML. Human T-cell leukemia virus type 1 (HTLV-1) is a virus that causes a rare type of leukemia. Certain chemotherapy drugs for cancer can increase the risk for AML or ALL."
Again, I think it depends on how many "a few generations ago" was - a few generations from the brother-in-law could be his great-grandparents, which might not influence him, but could be upsetting to his parents or grandparents if they're still alive. We can't assume rmm is talking about people who no one living today knew personally. If so, then I would agree with you, there's no point getting bent out of shape over people you never even knew personally.
That said, in fairness, tendency to violence and mental illness can be hereditary. If anything like that popped up in my tree, and was fairly recent (within a few generations), I might be concerned about what it meant in terms of passing on the DNA of murderers. For example, alcoholism runs in my family - 3 out of 4 of my grandparents were alcoholics, and on one side, it goes back another couple generations. I've always known this though, but if I hadn't, and were only just discovering it, it might come as a shock/concern to me.
AFAIK, tendency to violence is not hereditary. At least I hope not. My father (who is still alive) is not violent, but his father killed at least one man. (My GF adamantly denied a later killing.) I have not publicly identified my grandfather as it would hurt my father. I know I can't stop others from unearthing and publishing the information but there's no reason anyone needs to know, really.
BTW, I haven't killed anyone yet, but it has crossed my mind. Does that count? LOL
AFAIK, tendency to violence is not hereditary. At least I hope not.
I can be. It's not always, but there is such thing as the warrior gene, it's a gene associated with losing your temper easily, and tendency towards violence, especially in men. Of course, not everyone who has the warrior gene is violent (I actually have it myself - I am not violent, but I can be hot-tempered), and not everyone who is violent has the warrior gene - but there IS an association between them.
And of course, there are mental illnesses that can make a person violent or dangerous, and can be hereditary.
Interesting topic to think about anyway. I have some painful info regarding my grandparents - uxoricide and suicide. I will not provide more details, as there is no point.
I won't post anything about this tragedy on my family trees at this time since there are people alive in my family who would know something about it. It's still too recent of a tragedy in my opinion. The information can be found, of course, with careful digging.
Perhaps when I'm elderly, I may share the story online in a family tree format. It's just too hurtful still to family members, even many of whom I am estranged and have no contact with. And I still get very sad about it myself as I have never seen photographs of this set of grandparents.
I have time to think about it. I think if the tragedy is more generations back, you don't mind sharing it as much. For instance if you had a g-g-grandfather who abandoned his family or had done something worse that is well documented. For something that long ago, I don't mind to share it others who may not know about it. I guess some of the shock may wear away with the passing of time. And that the family members who went through the bad experiences are no longer with us.
In essence, I think you should use good judgment on what to share and what not with more recent family histories.
I usually don't put it in, unless it's already known by most of the family. There's a lot of tragedy on my paternal grandmother's side of the family tree.
One thing I did not put in: A relative on that side of the family was accused of raping a teenage girl (when he was maybe 20 or so), several months after the supposed crime was committed. This was back in the early 1900's. He was arrested, but it never came to trial, for whatever reason. I don't see any reason to include it.
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My father (who is still alive) is not violent, but his father killed at least one man. (My GF adamantly denied a later killing.) I have not publicly identified my grandfather as it would hurt my father. I know I can't stop others from unearthing and publishing the information but there's no reason anyone needs to know, really. 
