Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hi, everyone. So, my family and I moved to North Carolina from NY for 2 years. It was quite a culture shock for our us as we are used to the 4 seasons, and things being close, and centrally located. We stayed in NC because I had landed a federal job, and we liked our neighborhood. My kids on the other hand were absolutely miserable. It was so hot from May thru September, we couldn't even enjoy time outside. They were homesick , and it began to rub off on my husband, and I. Both of our families all live in New York. We decided to move back home for the sake of our children's happiness. We've been back in NY for 9 months now, and I'm beginning to grow tired of it. All the reasons we left are just like slapping me in the face. My dilemma is, because my kids (11, 8, 3) were SO unhappy with our last move, my 11 year old son is very against us moving. He says he wants to stay near family, and his friends. He even begged me to live with grandma if we decided to move. What do I do? I'm torn. Pro/con lists are useless, as they usually come out pretty even. Any advice is appreciated!
If you're going to move, for whatever reason, you need to grow up and come to terms with it, do better research and make the best of it. The fact that you felt culture shock moving to NC from NY tells me you thought you were ready for a kind of change that you, in fact, were not ready for. I can't imagine being surprised the weather when you relocate. NC does, in fact, have 4 distinct seasons, and has areas that are no different than any suburb in the US, that aren't far from anything (we can walk to just about anything from our house, except maybe a movie theatre).
Your kids take their cues from their parents. You didn't get homesick or dislike it because of them - that's ridiculous. You were ambivalent about the move, and then the new place when you got there, and of course they saw an opening and ran with it. I'm always amazed that people don't realize that kids mirror their parents. Your kids don't want to move again because they don't trust you - you're throwing darts at a map with no real feel for what is best for you all.
Sit down, decide what you want, do some research on where you can get it, and realize no place is perfect. If you want to live in NY, you're going to have to deal with those negatives. If you want to live somewhere else, educate yourself on what the negatives of that place might be. And then decide which is the better option for your family.
By the way, the purpose of a pro/con list isn't to see which side has "more" on it. It's to look at each side and decide which has more stuff that makes a difference to you and that you can live with. if your pros for staying are close to family and your cons for staying are we can't afford it and will never retire....well, there's something there that you can work with.
It sounds to me like maybe you're just plain unhappy about something in your life, and if that's so, then moving won't solve it because where ever you go, there you are. You first need to figure out if it's yourself/your life that's the real issue, and if it is, then you need to deal with that.
If your location actually is the problem, then you need to list out what in NY makes you want to leave. Sometimes proximity to family can be a two-edged sword. Sometimes COL or life-style is an issue or long commutes. Then you need to figure out what are the benefits of staying put because sometimes you have to be realistic, too. Maybe you really, really want to live in some isolated valley in Idaho, but the chances of you and your spouse finding jobs in your fields there might be between slim and none.
Don't forget that you can always compromise. The South isn't the only place to live outside of NY, although NC has become a Mecca for many New Yorkers. New York is a large state with several large cities and several mid-sized ones that offer urban life-styles but with very different "flavors". New Jersey, southern New England, and eastern PA also offer alternatives that might fit you and your family better than NC did.
I think I was severely misunderstood here. My husband's cousin lived in NC, and when we visited it was great, which was our starting point for our move. I did NOT like the weather in NC, and neither did the kids. It's not like we shot a dart at a map, and decided to move where it landed. We visited the area, and knew people there. It wasn't for us. I'm asking for advice on how to make my child excited for a move, and not dread it. He has asthma, which limited our outside time in NC due to the thick air. I've always said we just chose the wrong area. I do not like the area we are in due to increased crime, and 6 month heavy winters. It is not a matter of "growing up," or securing a job, it is a matter of finding a place that we are all happy as a family. That being said, it is neither NY, or NC.
We just made a move from So Cal to North Idaho with a 15 year old son and a 13 year old daughter. My advice is to start talking with your kids about moving. Ask them what they would miss about living where you are now now. Ask them what would be exciting for them in a new place. We talked about the move for about 4 years because we knew it was going to happen when my husband retired. We didn't know where we were going to move we just knew we were. So it came as no surprise to our kids. You don't have that luxury but you can start preparing them now as you most likely won't move in the middle of winter. Your 11 year old is old enough to do some research of his own on what state or area might interest him. Does this mean he gets to decide, no. BUT he will have an investment in the process that can be a starting point to him enjoying it more and the expectation he will have something on the other end to look forward to. I was not above bribery either. Our son is heavily interested in computers and designs. He was promised the purchase of computer parts for his first build after the move was completed so that was something he was excited about. Our daughter was promised a trip to Canada in the Spring. Find something they will be excited about that they may not be able to do staying in NY and make it part of the sell to move.
They both left behind friends and both sides of our family. Has it been entirely easy? No. But it is going better than my worst worries were.
Good luck!!
When we moved from NoNJ to NC/SC it took me 4 summers to get used to the hot summers. Now, after 10 years here, I don't even notice it much anymore. In fact, the other day I said "I didn't think this summer was that bad," to my husband, after the local weatherman spouted off the statistics of how many 90+ degree days we had this summer.
You didn't mention where in NC you settled - that can make a difference. Charlotte, Raleigh, Wilmington and Asheville (as just a few examples) are all completely different and yet in one state. When we looked in those towns, we considered everything - distance to beaches/mountains, cultural amenities, green space, cost of housing, job availability, distance from family, crime levels and quality of schools. I did a LOT of research before we even set foot in NC (I'm talking months and months - to the point where my friends in NoNJ that were also considering moves used ME as their NC knowledge resource). All four cities had their pros/cons and in the end we chose the Charlotte metro area. Using my data that I had collected, followed by visits, two of my friends chose Raleigh. Yet another chose Asheville. But it was only after looking through my exhaustive data, as well as making 2-3 visits to the areas of interest.
And I agree with the other poster about the pro/cons not being a way to have one side be overwhelmingly longer than the other, but to help you determine if one side outweighs the other in terms of IMPORTANCE and PRIORITY. Our lists (yes, we made them) were also about the same, but we determined (just an example) that schools were more important than public transportation. We valued lower property taxes over being 30 minutes away from the beach.
As for the kids - your kids shouldn't make the decision on whether or not you should move. The kids are not in charge. I grew up military and we moved every 3-4 years whether I wanted to or not - and believe me, most times I did not. But move, we did.
In my mind, two years is not enough time to be truly settled in a place. It took my husband at least 3-4 years to feel like he could stay where we moved. Now he's talking about possibly retiring here.
If you are still considering NC, but your son's allergies are an issue, consider Asheville. It's in the mountains, definitely has four seasons, is close to skiing, is very green, and while a smaller city, is very friendly and welcoming.
Hi, everyone. So, my family and I moved to North Carolina from NY for 2 years. It was quite a culture shock for our us as we are used to the 4 seasons, and things being close, and centrally located. We stayed in NC because I had landed a federal job, and we liked our neighborhood. My kids on the other hand were absolutely miserable. It was so hot from May thru September, we couldn't even enjoy time outside. They were homesick , and it began to rub off on my husband, and I. Both of our families all live in New York. We decided to move back home for the sake of our children's happiness. We've been back in NY for 9 months now, and I'm beginning to grow tired of it. All the reasons we left are just like slapping me in the face. My dilemma is, because my kids (11, 8, 3) were SO unhappy with our last move, my 11 year old son is very against us moving. He says he wants to stay near family, and his friends. He even begged me to live with grandma if we decided to move. What do I do? I'm torn. Pro/con lists are useless, as they usually come out pretty even. Any advice is appreciated!
You're letting your kids call the shots? I get taking their wants into consideration, but moving or not moving because they say so? Uh, no.
You're letting your kids call the shots? I get taking their wants into consideration, but moving or not moving because they say so? Uh, no.
Yeah this.
I grew up a Military brat, you didn't get to choose where you wanted to move, or even if you wanted to move. Whenever we moved, at first I would usually dislike it a lot, then as time went on, I always warmed up to the area. Home is where the heart is...and the family.
Kids almost never want to move or leave....they are usually afraid they won't like their school, won't find any friends, etc...but I can tell you that moving does help them to learn adaptability, and teaches them to be stronger and more social in the end. It's also an invaluable life learning experience, on many different levels.
Sometimes you need to also give the new home/place a little time...because often you will feel differently about it in two or three years down the road.
My mom was from Illinois and my dad was from Texas. They met when my dad was training in Illinois. That was back in the late 50's and they are still married.
Anyway. I remember that my moms brothers stayed in Chicago and never left. One of my uncles owns the home that my mom and uncles grew up in. (My grand parents bought it from my great grand parents).
I always thought, how boring not to move.
My parents bought their first home when I was born. They lived there for 38 years. They moved in 2003 and are in their second home.
I have never left the area I grew up in. I have been living in the same area for 50 years. I grew up 6 miles from where I live today. It is in another city, but that city is surrounded on two sides by the city I live in. (The ocean and a Navy base covers the other two sides. LOL)
Now you know how well that idea on not ever moving worked out for me. LOL
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
