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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
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Okay here it is as simple as I can put it.
Last year I moved out to the Ft. Knox, KY area from Alexandria, VA with my mother. I was willing to take any avenue out of Alexandria I could get and this was the best train out of there. Here are some things that have happened since then; I had a very tough time finding full-time employment but after 8 months I managed to find a decent job, I also had a very tough time making any friends but recently have found some cool people I can talk to here, my father passed away a couple of months ago which hit me hard but thanks to support here and afar I've been able to manage. So I've not had an easy time here but things are starting to pull themselves together.
Now here is the problem. My mother has some sinus issues that are complicated by the high allergy rate of the Ohio Valley area. So basically, she ain't got a choice but to move out of here. I get that. She wants me to move back because she wants me to work for the federal government and thinks I'll never have to worry about finding work again. Okay here is my objection. I don't want to work for the federal government. Plus with DC's high COL I don't have a chance of living on my own comfortably for at least 5 or 6 years. Also, I HATED living in Alexandria. With all that happened over the last year I don't want to deal with another long-distance move.
My plan is to move closer to my job in Louisville. With my budgeting, I think I'll be able to afford a small apt close to my job if I live really tight. Then, the plan is to finish out my Management degree and look for other employment within or outside my company in Dec-Feb. She is concerned about me being in the private sector.
My bottom line is I am sick of living with my mom and if I don't break away now I'll never do it. I don't see a better city to start out on my own than Louisville with its low COL. I've told my mom I'm NOT going back to Alexandria and going to keep telling her that everytime she asks. I am going to be catching for this until she moves, but my mind is made up, I just need some motivation to stick to my plan and to counter her arguments.
Anyone else left the nest when your family was trying to keep you in it?
Besides - what does your mom have against the private sector? If you have a job you like and can financially hold your own, do it. It's your life, no sense in living her version of it...
Start your move to that small apartment now. Start looking for a place, check out neighborhoods, figure out your budget. If you're serious, and if your Mom can see that you're making real progress and will have a place to live once she's gone, then she may start to believe that you know what you're doing and will be fine.
It sounds like you know what the best choice is for you, you're just worried about upsetting your mom. It sounds like you're a grown adult...time to tell her, "I have to do what is best for myself and my future." She will probably be hurt at first, but hopefully if she sees you making progress, she will come to accept it.
well even working for the govt you dont have much job security these days...NOONE is safe no matter what sector your working in, so her logic is a little flawed.
sounds like you know what YOU need..so go for it...
im in a similar situation, i rent form my parents right now and its time for me to move on, but mum doesnt want me to leave so is trying to find every excuse in the book to keep me here.
you need to do whats right for you...as i told my mum, cant live with mommy and daddy my entire life, i need to grow up and be a big girl and live MY dreams now.
This is not about finances, or allergies, or any such thing, when you get to the bottom of it. This is about a controlling mother who is stuck in a time warp where she is calling the shots about her children and she is unwilling to give up that role. To the OP: Your desire for an independent existence is healthy and you should not back down. It is time to cut the umbilical cord to mother, whether she approves or not. Stick to your guns so that you can have the satisfaction of an autonomous life. Do not fall for the guilt thing about making your mother happy. As adults, we are responsible for our own happiness.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Thanks for all the support. I know what I need to do. Love my mom but it's time for me to grow up whether she thinks it is or not. I'll catch h(;/ for awhile but its time.
She will get over it and she will be proud of you that you did it too.
It will take time but she will come around.
Best of luck.
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for this until she moves, but my mind is made up, I just need some motivation to stick to my plan and to counter her arguments. 
What is this all about, down deep?
