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I was never able to understand the mindset of anyone wanting to live at home after they are 18 or 19 max. Unless you are handicapped in some way. Parents should be teaching their children to "fly away" like birds. Kids shouldn't be a burden. Parents are entitled to a life without the burden of supporting another adult.
If he has no history of supporting himself, it would be tough for him to go from an area with a lower cost of living to a higher one. Hope he doesn't run out of money and return like a bad penny.
My brother lived at home until he was almost 22 but even at the young age he was sort of a failure to launch. He went to community college and got an associate's degree and then continued to work at his high school part-time job for about a year and a half until my parents gave him the ultimatium: either go get a full-time job and save up to move out soon or go to college, or we kick you out. The family made it very clear that he should move out by dropping hints. My uncle would tell stories about living his young adult life on his own and how awesome it was. The hints got more serious and direct as I moved to another city to attend college while he still lived at home, and I'm the youngest. Eventually my brother decided to get a full-time job and my parents helped him find one. They also helped him find an apartment and gave him half of their furniture, and also helped on the initial deposit since he just started working at the time. They continue to help him still financially to a small degree. I don't expect to get any help from my parents now that they have gotten annoyed with my brother in this regard.
My brother is sort of a homebody I guess. He talks about moving to Los Angeles all the time but I don't think he ever will since he doesn't give the effort needed to make a move like that. When looking for full-time work he only applied to places he knew people working at, for an example. And I don't think my brother knows anyone in Los Angeles who could help him find work. And his apartment is in the same neighborhood we spent our childhood in, but at least he's on his own.
I'm guessing your brother might be similar to mine. And it appears you have already tried your efforts to entice him to move out. The only option I can suggest is to get your step mom to give him the ultimatum. Really she is the only one that can do anything about the situation except your brother.
It sounds like maybe your brother lacks confidence? Or may be more fearful, etc. Needs assistance with big moves/decisions to feel OK about it?
My brother didn't know where he wanted to go for a long time, but once he finally decided (after 10 years), he put action in motion. He's in process of moving now - already signed a lease out west. He knew what he was doing staying home this long - just wanted to bank as much money as possible. He's acting like a jerk, but very very smart.
Last edited by Dragon_fly; 08-10-2015 at 07:17 PM..
If he has no history of supporting himself, it would be tough for him to go from an area with a lower cost of living to a higher one. Hope he doesn't run out of money and return like a bad penny.
That's a great point. He's going from low cost of living suburb to high cost of living city. (It's in the top 10 nationwide).
I live 3 hours from them, also in a top ten high cost of living city...more expensive than where he's going. I've lived here for eleven years, in a studio apartment then later a one-bedroom....and always single income. In his email to me last week, telling me off, he went on a patronizing spiel ridiculing my debt which he claimed was from Starbucks and takeout. LOL that made me laugh at least. My debt was from supporting my low-income biological mother when she was battling cancer. (And his remarks were all in response to him asking me for money to help him and her with housing costs in preparing the house for sale. Still kills me - he has $50K in bank from living there for ten years...and he asks me for money.)
So I hope he does get a huge wake-up call to living life in the real world and how expensive everything is.
Last edited by Dragon_fly; 08-10-2015 at 07:24 PM..
Location: Appalachian New York, Formerly Louisiana
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It's becoming more common that men and women can't afford to move out. I moved out at age 19 but had to live with two other friends in order to afford life in general.
Sometimes that is not an option for a person.
A lot of older people criticize "twenty somethings" today for always grouping up or living at home; well that's because we don't have any money. It's not about working either. If you are lucky enough to find a job it will often work you hard and pay lousy.
Unless some major changes happen within our society when it comes to money things will revert, in a sense, back to the way they were in the 1800's; when it was common for families to almost never separate due to money/opportunity.
He's 28, and has saved $50,000. I don't see the problem. Rents are high and decent jobs are hard to come by. There are a million reasons that would lead an American in their late 20's to live at home and loads of them do it. Life isn't television.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragon_fly
That's a great point. He's going from low cost of living suburb to high cost of living city. (It's in the top 10 nationwide).
I live 3 hours from them, also in a top ten high cost of living city...more expensive than where he's going. I've lived here for eleven years, in a studio apartment then later a one-bedroom....and always single income. In his email to me last week, telling me off, he went on a patronizing spiel ridiculing my debt which he claimed was from Starbucks and takeout. LOL that made me laugh at least. My debt was from supporting my low-income biological mother when she was battling cancer. (And his remarks were all in response to him asking me for money to help him and her with housing costs in preparing the house for sale. Still kills me - he has $50K in bank from living there for ten years...and he asks me for money.)
So I hope he does get a huge wake-up call to living life in the real world and how expensive everything is.
Honestly, it sounds like you are intensely jealous of him.
I am 27, almost 28 and am amazed at the amount of kids i went to high school with who still live at home. I am on Facebook and literally have so many people who have never moved out. Outside of medical conditions, there is no reason in the world a 27/28 year old should still be living at home. Its lazy, pathetic, and nothing but a failure to launch. Most the kids doing this are working dead end jobs, partying like its still high school, and all around have not grown up b/c they have not had to.
Sometimes folks just don't make a lot of money. I was in that position in 2013, and while I do blame myself for part of the issue, the local economy was devastated and virtually no one was going anywhere.
He's 28, and has saved $50,000. I don't see the problem. Rents are high and decent jobs are hard to come by. There are a million reasons that would lead an American in their late 20's to live at home and loads of them do it. Life isn't television.
Honestly, it sounds like you are intensely jealous of him.
You obviously haven't read my posts (and I don't blame you since they are quite wordy). ;-)
I have zero jealousy. My father paid my college tuition and I couldn't be more grateful for that and it made me work even harder.
My issue is that my brother is NOT grateful and sees no benefit to his mother allowing him to live at home for ten years, paying little costs, to help him save a large nest egg for himself. He thinks he was just "entitled" to that, and thinks it's the same cost as rent in the real world.
I would want to help out my kids in that way after they graduate - but not for ten years to someone who doesn't appreciate it.
It sounds like maybe your brother lacks confidence? Or may be more fearful, etc. Needs assistance with big moves/decisions to feel OK about it?
My brother didn't know where he wanted to go for a long time, but once he finally decided (after 10 years), he put action in motion. He's in process of moving now - already signed a lease out west. He knew what he was doing staying home this long - just wanted to bank as much money as possible. He's acting like a jerk, but very very smart.
Sounds logical. However my brother does know where he wants to go and what he wants to do. But he doesn't want to put in the effort. He has mentioned about trying to get a transfer after gaining some experience and that's understood but it's been a couple years now and I would say that he has built up enough experience to try to transfer to another company in his industry.
I am the complete opposite of my brother in this regard. I purposely looked at universities in other cities so that I had an excuse to leave and be on my own. It's one of the best things I've done so far, and I'm surprised he didn't do it sooner.
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