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...to favor their grandchildren, over their own kids? My maternal grandparents (father's parents passed away before I was born) have always loved the grandkids, yet have always been equally loving to their own daughters. Just a odd situation for me as my boyfriend's mom always nags him about the way he raises the kids, and is quite unkind in her general conversation to him. This is so unknown to me, how often does this happen? Is it because her son is an adult, and the kids are all minors? Am I just naive, haha?
Every grandparent I know has much more fun with their grandkids, as the pressure to raise little ones is off.
Every grandparent I know loves their grandkids as much as they love their kids.
My mother was verbally and physically abusive, emotionally distant and generally rotten to me my entire life. She was a wonderful grandmother. Go figure.
She just seems to have a disregarding attitude towards her own son, constantly berating him for not raising the kids they way she believes they should be raised. The tension escalated so much that they no longer speak. Also, my boyfriend is not some deadbeat, abusive, alcoholic. He is very much involved with his children, and is around them most of the time. I guess I am just not used to someone treating their son in such a way-everyone in my family is nice to each other.
Grandma had her shot at raising kids when she raised your boyfriend. It's time for her to step back and let her son raise his in his own way. Criticism and disapproval are tough to deal with...just be supportive of your bf and be thankful your family isn't like that.
I've heard this before. It's like the grandparents realize they weren't such good parents but it's not too late to be good grandparents. Also being a kind generous grandparent is a lot easier than being a kind generous parent 24/7 so grandkids don't see the real personalities.
I've heard this before. It's like the grandparents realize they weren't such good parents but it's not too late to be good grandparents. Also being a kind generous grandparent is a lot easier than being a kind generous parent 24/7 so grandkids don't see the real personalities.
I'd say yep to all the above.
1) People mellow with age.
2) It's a lot easier to be nice in 3 hour stints where all you have to do is play, than to be a 24/7 source of support and guidance.
You know what they say - "Grandparents and grandkids get along so well because they have a common enemy."
That's a bit over the top, but it has an element of truth! Grandparent/grandchild relationships are usually less pressurized than parent/child relationships. Just a lot more relaxed overall.
She just seems to have a disregarding attitude towards her own son, constantly berating him for not raising the kids they way she believes they should be raised. The tension escalated so much that they no longer speak. Also, my boyfriend is not some deadbeat, abusive, alcoholic. He is very much involved with his children, and is around them most of the time. I guess I am just not used to someone treating their son in such a way-everyone in my family is nice to each other.
I think your boyfriend needs to remind his mom just who it was raised him...when she berates him, he needs to say..."OK mom, but I learned it from you"....It's not common..at all..I would never DARE criticize the way my children raise my grandchildren...mostly because I want them to feel proud, and happy when I'm around.
Your BF and his mom have probably been in a toxic relationship for years. You will not be able to change it. If he wants to have a better relationship with his mom, he will have to initiate it. Maybe he goes to counseling to find out ways to deal with his mom. Maybe they both go to counseling. He can cut off all ties, and that is a punishment for both of them.
It is not unusual for adult children to not get along with their parents. This probably reflects years of difficulties between parents and offspring.
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