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I retired 2 years ago; I have a 20 month old grandson who I've been babysitting 1-2 days per week - both his parents work. His other grandmother is having some health problems so I and my husband have recently been babysitting every morning then taking him to the other grandparents in the afternoon. Tonight my DIL informed me that we'd have to take the baby all day Wednesday. This is just becoming too much for me and my husband. We adore our grandson, but did not retire to become babysitters. We are quite busy. My stepson and DIL are the "give them an inch and they'll take a mile types." Additionally I have an elderly mother who I see at least one day a week - she doesn't drive so I take her on errands, shopping, etc. and spend time with her Fridays. One other day a week I make a short visit taking her food, newspapers, etc. I'm exhausted! I can't stand all this activity every single day. I feel like I have no down time to relax. This situation could become better or worse depending on what happens with the other grandmother's health - she is having surgery soon. Any suggestions?
Ok, I'm going to come off as harsh but......
Nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them.
If you can't watch the child more than you already are then you have to tell them. They might not realize how much you have on your plate.
Tell them what you've told us. Maybe take them a list of people you could recommend to babysit for them.
I just hate to see people taken for granted.
How much is too much babysitting? You get to decide that - you're the one doing the work.
You and your husband need to set some boundaries very quickly.
I would quite clearly state that I am willing to babysit on this day or these days only. Example: We'd love to babysit for [name] on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8 a.m. until 5 p.m. On Fridays and Wednesdays we're not available because we're taking care of Grandma and running errands for her. On Mondays we will be doing such and such and of course, we need the weekends to do our shopping, housework, etc., and get a little rest. We're not as young as we once were and cannot watch [name] any more than this. . .
They may not be happy initially, but if you stick to your guns your life will be a lot easier in the years to come. I have seen this scenario too many times before and now is the time to make the rules. Afterall you are doing them a favor so you have every right to babysit when you want to. You deserve to enjoy your retirement and I'm sure being a full time babysitter is not the retirement you envisioned. If they really don't like it they can always pay for daycare like all of the rest of us.
Whatever you do don't give in to these people. As you said, if you give an inch they'll have you babysitting all of the time.
P.S. If you can't bring yourself to have this discussion with them and set the boundaries, start scheduling outings, meetings, doctor appointments, take care of grandma days, luncheons, trips, etc. for the days you don't want to babysit. Write everything on a calendar you post, in a viewable place, and then when they ask about babysitting walk over to the calendar and say you're so sorry, but you can't babysit that day because you're doing [whatever]. If you do this religiously for a month they will get the hint. My friend had to do this with her kids and it worked like a charm. Best wishes!
I retired 2 years ago; I have a 20 month old grandson who I've been babysitting 1-2 days per week - both his parents work. His other grandmother is having some health problems so I and my husband have recently been babysitting every morning then taking him to the other grandparents in the afternoon. Tonight my DIL informed me that we'd have to take the baby all day Wednesday. This is just becoming too much for me and my husband. We adore our grandson, but did not retire to become babysitters. We are quite busy. My stepson and DIL are the "give them an inch and they'll take a mile types." Additionally I have an elderly mother who I see at least one day a week - she doesn't drive so I take her on errands, shopping, etc. and spend time with her Fridays. One other day a week I make a short visit taking her food, newspapers, etc. I'm exhausted! I can't stand all this activity every single day. I feel like I have no down time to relax. This situation could become better or worse depending on what happens with the other grandmother's health - she is having surgery soon. Any suggestions?
Honesty;
As difficult as this may seem; you may consider, just letting them know that it is too much for you, physically, and that your immune system needs all the stamina for your aging Mother?
When you are dealing with the" take a mile after given a inch" people, you can't beat around the bush;
Let them know before you get lured in deeper and wind up with the baby full time; or most of the time;
You have to care of yourself also. and if you're feeling run down already, it's not your thing on a regular basis;
Children can be very exhausting and time consuming, no matter how well your intentions may be.
Hope things work out soon
God bless
You and your husband need to set some boundaries very quickly.
I would quite clearly state that I am willing to babysit on this day or these days only. Example: We'd love to babysit for [name] on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8 a.m. until 5 p.m. On Fridays and Wednesdays we're not available because we're taking care of Grandma and running errands for her. On Mondays we will be doing such and such and of course, we need the weekends to do our shopping, housework, etc., and get a little rest. We're not as young as we once were and cannot watch [name] any more than this. . .
They may not be happy initially, but if you stick to your guns your life will be a lot easier in the years to come. I have seen this scenario too many times before and now is the time to make the rules. Afterall you are doing them a favor so you have every right to babysit when you want to. You deserve to enjoy your retirement and I'm sure being a full time babysitter is not the retirement you envisioned. If they really don't like it they can always pay for daycare like all of the rest of us.
Quote:
Whatever you do don't give in to these people. As you said, if you give an inch they'll have you babysitting all of the time.
P.S. If you can't bring yourself to have this discussion with them and set the boundaries, start scheduling outings, meetings, doctor appointments, take care of grandma days, luncheons, trips, etc. for the days you don't want to babysit. Write everything on a calendar you post, in a viewable place, and then when they ask about babysitting walk over to the calendar and say you're so sorry, but you can't babysit that day because you're doing [whatever]. If you do this religiously for a month they will get the hint. My friend had to do this with her kids and it worked like a charm. Best wishes!
Sounds like something that I might consider ;
Rep point for you
God Bless
I watch my daughter's two sweet girls two days a week. Then I'm starting every other Friday with one. I am tired all the time it seems. At almost 60 life is catching up with me. The girls are 2 1/2 and 6 months. The older one is really great and is such a joy but the baby is a lot of work and dealing with two at once has been a drain. My daughter would love me to have them every day but I told her I just can't. I probably also watch them at least one more evening a week when they want to go out somewhere. We had five kids and hardly ever had a babysitter. My parents did not help that much. I want to be a major figure in their lives so I do this out of love for them but I can't do more than I am doing right now. I have offered to help pay for the other babysitter to help them out.
I know they are only small once and I do want to build a foundation of love and security for them. I guess it also makes me realize I need to take better care of myself so that I can keep up with them!!!
I agree, set the boundaries as soon as possible. And you don't have to go into great detail about all of the other things you are doing. You shouldn't have to rationalize it-even if you wanted to sit home and watch soap operas all day, it's your choice! I am a mother of two young children, ages, 5 and 3. My mother-in-law is very sweet but I think she gets taken advantage of by her other children. It's one thing to babysit here and there for an occasional doctor appointment, a night out for mom and dad, but her other children use her for free babysitting while they work all day (with the tireless whine, "but day care is so expensive"-my answer to that is then why did you add a second story to your house and why did you add a master bedroom suite when you know you can't afford it?).....I can understand one day a week, but she babysits four days a week, 2 of the days are 12 hour days and she has two elderly parents in 2 separate nursing homes that she has to visit. She's so busy and worn out, she hardly ever sees our children. She offered to babysit so I could go back to work and I said, "no thank you" (my husband and I flex our schedules). I think she's a wonderful lady, but it's our job to raise our kids, not hers. What's even worse, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law complain about her behind her back (and sometimes to her face) if they don't like how she's caring for their kids. For example, my BIL and his wife routinely locked their 2 year old in his room at nap time-he would scream and holler and sometimes throw up but he wasn't allowed out until he took a nap. Well, my MIL didn't have the heart to do this to him-especially since he was adopted and sickly. So my BIL and SIL would complain that their son was crabby when returned from work because she didn't make him take a nap. My MIL tried to lull him to sleep but because the poor child had such negative associations with sleeping, he resisted any efforts to soothe him to sleep. That's just one example. I'm sure in other families, a grandparent can regularly babysit for their children and it's a harmonious situation but most of the time I've seen grandparents get taken advantage of and they're too afraid to speak up. Or the children are constantly complaining that the grandparent is not caring for their kids "the right way". This generation of parents are very selfish-they want to have it all-career, beautiful house, great vacations and they forget that our parents didn't have it so easy. Your children aren't the only ones who "you give an inch and they take a mile", especially if they are in their 20's-the generation Y people. I'm a gen X'er so I know we're not that much better but Y'ers are practically from a different planet!
I'm hoping I don't sound too harsh but I know you love your grandchildren very much and I truly believe grandparenting should be a purely, joyful experience-not a chore. Best of luck to you and be firm!
My daughter just had another baby and I told her I would be more than happy to keep the baby, but, she had to find a part time sitter for Wednesdays and Fridays. I refuse to give up "my" time . I love bowling and I need that day with the other girls and I love going to Adoration at church, then volunteering my time serving lunch at our parish school. She understood. I have been a SAHM for 30 years. I still have one that just got out of high school. Although he doesn't need me like he used to, I like to be here, when he is not at work. 18 yr olds still do stupid things. I do get daughters oldest son on the bus every morning and keep him after school along with another grandson. My mom died when I was 6 yrs old, I was on my own when I had the kids and would have loved for them to have a grandmother to love them so I could work. So I quit work years ago to help daughter with her son.
My advice, let your child know that you and your husband need "your" time. I am sure she will understand. My daughter did! Ma, are you sure you want to keep a baby? You will be tied to the house, not running errands , you can't come and go like you do now. With the price of daycare, I wanted to help her out. And I was happy to know she respected me enough to ask if I was sure. She sure didn't expect me to do it.
My problem is my kids have 1 grandmother that lives 200 miles away. They never knew what I had, my grandmother practically raised me after mama died. She was always there for me and my brother. I want my grandkids to know that love. But my daughter doesn't want them to know it if it causes me to lose my sanity.
My daughter just had another baby and I told her I would be more than happy to keep the baby, but, she had to find a part time sitter for Wednesdays and Fridays. I refuse to give up "my" time . I love bowling and I need that day with the other girls and I love going to Adoration at church, then volunteering my time serving lunch at our parish school. She understood. I have been a SAHM for 30 years. I still have one that just got out of high school. Although he doesn't need me like he used to, I like to be here, when he is not at work. 18 yr olds still do stupid things. I do get daughters oldest son on the bus every morning and keep him after school along with another grandson. My mom died when I was 6 yrs old, I was on my own when I had the kids and would have loved for them to have a grandmother to love them so I could work. So I quit work years ago to help daughter with her son.
My advice, let your child know that you and your husband need "your" time. I am sure she will understand. My daughter did! Ma, are you sure you want to keep a baby? You will be tied to the house, not running errands , you can't come and go like you do now. With the price of daycare, I wanted to help her out. And I was happy to know she respected me enough to ask if I was sure. She sure didn't expect me to do it.
My problem is my kids have 1 grandmother that lives 200 miles away. They never knew what I had, my grandmother practically raised me after mama died. She was always there for me and my brother. I want my grandkids to know that love. But my daughter doesn't want them to know it if it causes me to lose my sanity.
That's so nice-it sounds like you and your daughter have a good understanding! That way, everyone benefits!
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How much is too much babysitting? You get to decide that - you're the one doing the work.
; or most of the time;
