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With my wife and I and our 3 kids, our daughter's 2, my sister's 3, and pretty much every other family we know, the grandkids spend far more time with their maternal grandparents. I think I also find it normal that the father goes along with the mother's wishes, when it comes to the kids. t's just natural that the mother tends to trust and depend more on her own mother, and the father's parents take a back seat. When you think about it, the mother has known her own mother all of her life, while she may have only known her -moth-in-law a few years. Often they only see the in-laws at the wedding and maybe a few holidays or birthdays. Still, it would be unfortunate if there are formal rules on when they can visit. With our daughter we can call or text any time and ask to have the boys stay overnight with us and she will bring them over. We call our son and ask when would be a good day/time to visit our granddaughter, and wouldn't think of asking to have her overnight unless they bring it up.
...but a daughter's a daughter for the rest of her life.
Interesting, my son and DIL told my ex the same thing. They weren't cutting off the relationship, just setting boundaries so they could have some private family time without him sitting on the couch every Sunday for hours.
How to deal with their decisions? Stay out of it. You don't know all the reasons why they decided this.
I think it's unfortunate that you think your son is a wuss for supporting his own wife and not doing what you think he should do. You just need to be a wonderful grandma and respect their family choices.
Interesting, my son and DIL told my ex the same thing. They weren't cutting off the relationship, just setting boundaries so they could have some private family time without him sitting on the couch every Sunday for hours.
How to deal with their decisions? Stay out of it. You don't know all the reasons why they decided this.
I think it's unfortunate that you think your son is a wuss for supporting his own wife and not doing what you think he should do. You just need to be a wonderful grandma and respect their family choices.
Best post so far, and in my opinion probably highly accurate in most of these situations.
I can understand why an excited grandparent might feel iced out in a situation like this. But it's healthy setting limits that prioritize the nuclear family for a while. Plus hosting people when you have a little can be stressful too. And lastly, I can say in my case that of the 4 grandparents there are a couple that frankly, while loved deeply, aren't great with little ones.
Last edited by rokuremote; 08-10-2023 at 09:56 AM..
In the old days (and overseas) Grandparents were important and were valued members of the family, even helping raise children. We aren’t seen that way anymore.
In a world where people want “stuff” - and more and more of it - I see kids treated as pawns. That can be seen not only in divorce situations but also in grandparent situations.
Grandparents can only be grateful if and when they are included, and keep their mouths shut otherwise.
BTW, I am estranged from my son. Have been for years. Yet, I am extremely lucky to spend Saturdays with my grandson while my daughter and SIL run weekend errands and they can have a meal alone as a couple.
In the old days (and overseas) Grandparents were important and were valued members of the family, even helping raise children. We aren’t seen that way anymore.
In a world where people want “stuff” - and more and more of it - I see kids treated as pawns. That can be seen not only in divorce situations but also in grandparent situations.
Grandparents can only be grateful if and when they are included, and keep their mouths shut otherwise.
BTW, I am estranged from my son. Have been for years. Yet, I am extremely lucky to spend Saturdays with my grandson while my daughter and SIL run weekend errands and they can have a meal alone as a couple.
I dont believe that to be true, especially in my experience as a father of young kids. Many/most/all(?) of our friends parents (kids grandparents) are healthily involved in their lives.
What I suspect, is parents/grandparents that have outside issues w/ their children are removed from the equitation for other issues. You are "estranged" from your son. Why?
Just like in this case - we still haven't seen/heard from the again, and have no context as to why there was a big fight with the grandfather.
I guess it wasn't a very pressing problem. OP hasn't returned to the thread. More info needed on this issue. Otherwise, I can't imagine why there would be a problem with the nuclear family wanting family time on the weekends. Isn't that pretty normal? And healthy? It doesn't mean they're cutting the grandparents out altogether. Just that they want weekends to themselves for the time being.
I guess it wasn't a very pressing problem. OP hasn't returned to the thread. More info needed on this issue. Otherwise, I can't imagine why there would be a problem with the nuclear family wanting family time on the weekends. Isn't that pretty normal? And healthy? It doesn't mean they're cutting the grandparents out altogether. Just that they want weekends to themselves for the time being.
Again sticking with EBLR theme yes, it's normal for most families to want some one on one time alone to be by themselves. Then you have the Marie Barone's of the world who feel all definitions of family include themselves (along with perhaps spouses) and do not (or will not) be excluded.
Most men, especially of certain generations are wired differently. Even if they do or did feel slighted aren't likely to go on about it. Some women OTOH do seem often to get upset at what they perceive as exclusion from their child's (and by extension grandchild's) life.
OP hasn't been back likely because response wasn't what she wanted. Too few people joined her pity party offering moral support as it were.
I guess it wasn't a very pressing problem. OP hasn't returned to the thread. More info needed on this issue. Otherwise, I can't imagine why there would be a problem with the nuclear family wanting family time on the weekends. Isn't that pretty normal? And healthy? It doesn't mean they're cutting the grandparents out altogether. Just that they want weekends to themselves for the time being.
There really is nothing else to add to the above. Let your kids and grands be. They're not abandoning you (OP), but if you keep pushing they're likely to get resentful and pull back more. They have enough stress at this time in their parenthood.
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