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I've been out of work for 8 months and now have an opportunity out of state. The idea is being criticized by my parents on the basis that I would be "taking their grandchildren away from them", and the fact that they are aging and will need help from my wife and I as they decline. I have to work, as I have always been the bread-winner and don't like the area we live in currently, besides. We don't think its the best place to raise our kids and feel that the new prospect would be more ideal. Any thoughts as to how to handle the situation with the Grandparents?
Tough choice. No easy answer without knowing all of the vairables. How much do you depend on them for help out with the kids? If you want to go, go. It sounds like you do, kids can always go visit for summer, holidays, Grandparents can come visit. Don't get blackmailed by "we need you". Nope, when they get to the point that they will "need" you, they will be ready for assisted living. Ask them what plans they have for that eventuality.
In this situation, there is no choice. Parents can always move to the kids if it becomes necessary. After all, unless they are supporting you, you have to provide for your family.
Tell them you have an obligation to support your family, and that's what you're going to do. There's not really much they can do about it - unless you allow them to run a guilt trip on you.
Your obligation is to your spouse and your minor children.
I'm so sorry your parents are trying to guilt you into doing what is best for them rather than what is best for your family. Eight months without a job is a long time. Since you are the main breadwinner of your family, and you are not independently wealthy, you must accept the job and move. Your first and primary obligation is to your wife and children. You must give them the best life possible and the new location gives you the opportunity to do that.
Accept the job, get ready to move, explain to your parents that you must take this job, and invite them to join you in the new locale. If they truly feel as strongly as they say they do about being close to you they will make the move. If not, you'll know they were just trying to guilt you into staying. Best wishes.
Your obligation is to your spouse and your minor children.
My dh recently had to say to his father, "My obligation AS a father is more important than my obligation TO my father."
BTW... his parents have "helped out" with our kids exactly twice. They are 7 & 9. We've never asked them to though. They have volunteered to watch the kids "if ever" we take a cruise. Of course, this was said in a breezy way while going through some of their cruise photos... not an offer I took seriously.
I'm sorry that your parents are doing this to you...it reminds me of when my husband and I told his parents that we would be moving away from them. My MIL's exact words were, "Well, you'll be losing your babysitter!". She rarely watched the kids for us, and when she did, with lots of complaint. We had gotten to the point where we no longer asked.
You just need to be firm and inform them you need to do what is best for your family. Do they intend to pay your bills if you don't move, or allow your family to live with them if you lose your house? I doubt it.
We only moved an hour and a half away, but it was across state lines. Our move was not job related; my husband commutes back, but we live in a nicer, cheaper area that has better schools. We didn't want to raise our kids where we were. It is hard with no family close by, but we've made some great friends and couldn't be happier.
It is totally understandable that they will miss all of you, but you have to do what you have to do. If they can't stand living so far away, they can sell their own place and move closer to you. Throw the choice back on them because you really don't have one. Feeding the family always comes first.
Wow, everybody has their issues to deal with, huh?
My daughter recently went through a divorce & has been living with us for 8 months along with her young son. She had been a stay at home Mom since he was born & is back working and just started going to school. I am doing a lot of child care & adjusting. It is hard to know where the boundaries should be. As he is getting very attached to me and I want him to stay close to his Mom & love her the most. Any helpful comments or suggestions to buffer the balance when you spend so much time & attention with a little one. Some days work better than others.
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