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Does anybody live in the same neighborhood as your parents or in-laws? How do you find that it works out for you? If not, what would be your reaction if your parents or in-laws were interested in moving into your neighborhood?
My mom is looking to move right now. She currently lives about 45 minutes from me. She is looking at some houses in my town, and even in my neighborhood. I feel like that would be nice if she lived closer, but my husband is kinda worried about it. He thinks it would make things harder in our marriage if my mom lived that close. It's not really that they don't get along, but he thinks that her proximity would bring more drama into our lives. I keep thinking that it would be nice if my kids were able to walk over to grandma's house when they wanted to, and that it would be good for their relationship with her. And also nice for me. Am I being naive?
Guess it depends on the grandmother. A family of children from my street growing up all bought houses on the street to raise their children near their parents. It worked out for them. All of the cousins play together and the grandparents are right on the street to keep an eye on them after school. It seems like an ideal situation. But their mother was never a nosey woman even when we were growing up. She doesn't stop by their houses unannounced. It's her house that is homebase and the other houses are simply satelite sanctuary houses nearby. It really depends on your mother and your relationship with her.
No parents in the neighborhood now, but we did live in the same town as my parents when my oldest was a baby. It was convenient for me, but my parents moved to another state when they retired before my son's 2nd birthday.
I think it can be wonderful to have grandparents close enough to see regularly, IF both parties treat each other more like favorite neighbors than relatives. By that I mean no dropping in whenever they want, without calling and making sure it's convenient. No assuming grandma will watch the kids so the parents can shop or go to dinner. With the proper respect for each other's time, I see it more a positive than a negative.
I would say it depends on how busy you expect your life to be and what goals you may have for your own family and kids. As your parents age, they will likely rely on you more and more, even for simple things like changing lightbulbs. Now, who wouldn't say, no to that request, right? The problem becomes when their requests start getting to be what most people would consider unreasonable, some of which may or may not be guided by their reasoning ability and/or physical impairment. By unreasonable I mean that they demand that you attend some social function with them when you already need to be in three places at once or you just want to rest and/or had just seen them two days earlier. Are they the type that guilt you into spending time with them?
I completely understand the mixed feelings. My parents and in-laws live 1000 miles away and have expressed interest in moving nearby. I have very mixed feelings as well. My husband's rule - they can't live in walking distance! They have to get in the car to come to our house!
I'm currently facing the same scenario. My wife and I moved to a more rural area, about a 30 minute drive from either set of parents. It has definitely cut back on the time we spend them and means some planning is needed if we need help with the kids one day or they want to visit.
Both sets have decided that they are selling their homes and downsizing. My parents are planning to move to an active adult community, that would still be an equal distance away. My in-laws, however, have expressed interest in moving to our neighborhood.
They own a very large home that requires a lot of upkeep and my FIL works nights, so my MIL is generally alone a lot. My MIL's sister who is disabled does live with them, but she is moving into a subsidized apartment, so my MIL really will be alone. There are plenty of smaller homes in my town that they could purchase outright and the tax burden and maintenance would be much lower. However, this means they will be living pretty much down the street from us.
While I like my in-laws (maybe even better than my own parents) I'm not 100% sure I'm cool with the proposed arrangement. There are lots of positives particularly for my wife. She will have someone who can easily lend her a hand with the kids and that would allow her to return to work or go back to school without worrying about daycare costs. It would be nice for the kids to have their grandparents close by and it would be nice to have an extra set of eyes and ears in the neighbrohood as the kids get older.
However, there are some negatives. Since my FIL works nights and sleeps most of the time during the day, where do you think my MIL will end up? I can pretty much guarantee she would be at my house or my wife and kids at hers most days through dinner. After that is she just going to go home to an empty house at night? Probably not. What that means is that we lose some of our privacy and time to ourselves. Again, I like my MIL, but I don't want her to "live" with us either.
I strongly suspect that this will happen in the next year or so pending their ability to sell their home. While I like the aspect of having extra help around all the time and the fact that my wife could go back to school or restart her career which would mean a lot more income for us, I do fear the loss of privacy that having them that close would bring.
Does anybody live in the same neighborhood as your parents or in-laws? How do you find that it works out for you? If not, what would be your reaction if your parents or in-laws were interested in moving into your neighborhood?
My mom is looking to move right now. She currently lives about 45 minutes from me. She is looking at some houses in my town, and even in my neighborhood. I feel like that would be nice if she lived closer, but my husband is kinda worried about it. He thinks it would make things harder in our marriage if my mom lived that close. It's not really that they don't get along, but he thinks that her proximity would bring more drama into our lives. I keep thinking that it would be nice if my kids were able to walk over to grandma's house when they wanted to, and that it would be good for their relationship with her. And also nice for me. Am I being naive?
I agree with others who've said it depends on the personalities involved.
But since you asked what my reaction would be, it would pretty much be and .
I love my inlaws, and have made peace with my mother, but I am way too private and independent a person to have any of them live in my neighborhood.
I think it's good you're telling your husband's side. If he has reservations it's probably for good reason, and that reason might simply be that he doesn't like the idea of your parents being so close. It might make him feel crowded, or infringed upon in some way.
I'd pay really close attention to how he feels about it, because I think that's the most important opinion you need on the idea - his.
We moved across the street from my parents when our daughter was about 18 mos. old. My parents were in their 70's. It worked out well for us for a number of reasons. About a year after we moved in my dad got sick and had a bad year, which ended with him dying about 11 months later. I was happy to be so close because I could fix dinner for them, check on them, buy their groceries when I bought mine and deliver them easily, etc. I would have done it anyway if we'd lived in town, but it made it easier.
After he died and my mom was alone, she and my daughter spent a lot of time together. They were great buddies up until my mom moved to an assisted living place and it was nice having her right across the street--both for babysitting and because I helped her do lots of stuff.
Now my brother and his family live in my mom's house across the street and my daughter sees her cousin, who is 2.5 years older, fairly often.
We (and I don't think my husband would disagree) were glad to be close to my parents when they needed us and I know my daughter benefitted from having my mom there. But my parents are/were very nice people who never interfered or overstepped their bounds. As others have said, it depends on all the people involved.
While I like the aspect of having extra help around all the time and the fact that my wife could go back to school or restart her career which would mean a lot more income for us, I do fear the loss of privacy that having them that close would bring.
Yah, I think that is my husband's concern too, the loss of privacy. I can see that. It's really hard for me to predict how my mom would be with that. It's weird, because she's talking about moving to another state one month, and then the next month moving right to our town and even our neighborhood! I have no idea what she's ever going to do. Other than that her current house is going on the market and she's going to downsize when it sells.
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Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
I'd pay really close attention to how he feels about it, because I think that's the most important opinion you need on the idea - his.
Yah, I definitely don't want to make a negative impact on my marriage. On the other hand, I don't know how much control I really have over where my mom moves. It's not like I'm considering moving to her neighborhood. But maybe I can try to steer her towards other neighborhoods in my town instead. Like a PP said, so she'll have to get in the car and drive to get to my house, instead of walk. That sounds like a pretty good rule.
Everybody loves Raymond. What you didnt get enough exposure with your show?!
Just kidding.
My parents and In-laws live across town. Works out perfect. We also set limits: Call before you come no just dropping by.
Also several others. You get the point.
Definitely need to draw boundaries and enforce them. Just like kids and dogs one slip up and they think the can jump up on the couch.
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and 
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That sounds like a pretty good rule. 
