Double Standard for Gays? (generations, Massachusetts, gay people, claim)

[Der Vogel]

I need to ask you good people if you feel I am being overly intolerant or judegemental about a situation at work.

I have a co-worker. A female. A lesbian. A proud, self-proclaimed lesbian who makes no qualms, indeed, even flaunts who she is and what her sexual proclivities are. First: she goes by a man's name: Mickey.

She looks and dresses like a man; has hair styled like a man: short, parted on the side. Her girlfriend--who looks equally butch comes by often at closing time and hangs around for 15-20 minutes waiting for Mickey to get off.

So..yeah, yeah, to each their own and live and let live and all that. But here is my question:

Now, Let us for a moment switch the tables. My name is Tim. So..let's say I am a very, very effeminate gay guy. Let's say I dress like a woman; wear make-up and wear my hair in an effeminate style. I go by the name "Tina." I have my equally femme and obviously-gay boyfriend come by work once in awhile. Would this be tolerated in most workplaces, do think? Would I have ever even gotten the job? (I work in a public-contact environment.)

So, if you think the "Tina" thing would not fly, then is it sort of unfair that a "Mickey" is allowed? Is thisnot discriminatory? Unfair? Or should both types be allowed? Again, in a job where the general public is served all day long?

I am of the opinion that Tina would certainly not be allowed at my workplace. He just would not get hired in the first place. Also, I believe this "Mickey but not Tina" dynamic is fairly commonplace. And my opinion is that this is unfair to the male gays.

What say you? And is you agree with the "Mickey but not Tina" thing is goin' on, why do you think it is tolerated more?

Thank you for your thoughtful opinions.

[okie1962]

I think we got so used to seeing females wearing men's clothing and cutting their hair short that it's not too much of a shock. I'm from a ranching area, it's not unusual to women dressed like your coworker Mickey. By the way, we were once friends to a former Ms Texas who went by the name Mickey.

[LDYHWH]

In fact, it depends, depends on feelings and thoughts of people around you.
As to me, a decade ago homosexuality was acceptable even interesting, however, I hate it nowadays and deem it symptom or even crime.

[thatguydownsouth]

We have a girl at my new job that is lesbian and dresses like a guy, has a peculiar haircut for the accounting environment, big stud earings, and such. Nobody says a word about her dress code. I think people are used to being afraid of telling females the wrong thing and being sued as there is a history of such suits. It seems nobody has an issue telling guys how to dress. For instance I wore jeans at my first job and my boss straight up said "I know youre not going to ever wear those again right?" However the girl there that was pregnant got away with wearing jeans for "comfort."

[NVplumber]

Originally Posted by Der Vogel

I need to ask you good people if you feel I am being overly intolerant or judegemental about a situation at work.

I have a co-worker. A female. A lesbian. A proud, self-proclaimed lesbian who makes no qualms, indeed, even flaunts who she is and what her sexual proclivities are. First: she goes by a man's name: Mickey.

She looks and dresses like a man; has hair styled like a man: short, parted on the side. Her girlfriend--who looks equally butch comes by often at closing time and hangs around for 15-20 minutes waiting for Mickey to get off.

So..yeah, yeah, to each their own and live and let live and all that. But here is my question:

Now, Let us for a moment switch the tables. My name is Tim. So..let's say I am a very, very effeminate gay guy. Let's say I dress like a woman; wear make-up and wear my hair in an effeminate style. I go by the name "Tina." I have my equally femme and obviously-gay boyfriend come by work once in awhile. Would this be tolerated in most workplaces, do think? Would I have ever even gotten the job? (I work in a public-contact environment.)

So, if you think the "Tina" thing would not fly, then is it sort of unfair that a "Mickey" is allowed? Is thisnot discriminatory? Unfair? Or should both types be allowed? Again, in a job where the general public is served all day long?

I am of the opinion that Tina would certainly not be allowed at my workplace. He just would not get hired in the first place. Also, I believe this "Mickey but not Tina" dynamic is fairly commonplace. And my opinion is that this is unfair to the male gays.

What say you? And is you agree with the "Mickey but not Tina" thing is goin' on, why do you think it is tolerated more?

Thank you for your thoughtful opinions.

I worked in a similar situation once, with a whole group like what you des tribe here. "Bobby" "Joey" "Ronny". All male variants of their actual female names. All were the masculine types, to extremes, even altering their voices and talking in trench slang all the time. "Flaunting" their lifestyle is less appropriate a term than tbey were downright confrontational about it.

Only one of them had a public contact job, which was limited in such, the others worked the shop floor with me. I had to get used to a lot. The one thing I never did cotton to was , constantly, being called "Alice". To this day, I have no clue what that's supposed to mean, but it was always used in a derogatory context, so I just took it that way.

I do not believe a group of gay men , interacting with a woman, in the same fashion as this, would fly any further than a lead balloon. So, I do see a double standard, as well.

[stormynh]

Originally Posted by Der Vogel

I need to ask you good people if you feel I am being overly intolerant or judegemental about a situation at work.

I have a co-worker. A female. A lesbian. A proud, self-proclaimed lesbian who makes no qualms, indeed, even flaunts who she is and what her sexual proclivities are. First: she goes by a man's name: Mickey.

She looks and dresses like a man; has hair styled like a man: short, parted on the side. Her girlfriend--who looks equally butch comes by often at closing time and hangs around for 15-20 minutes waiting for Mickey to get off.

So..yeah, yeah, to each their own and live and let live and all that. But here is my question:

Now, Let us for a moment switch the tables. My name is Tim. So..let's say I am a very, very effeminate gay guy. Let's say I dress like a woman; wear make-up and wear my hair in an effeminate style. I go by the name "Tina." I have my equally femme and obviously-gay boyfriend come by work once in awhile. Would this be tolerated in most workplaces, do think? Would I have ever even gotten the job? (I work in a public-contact environment.)

So, if you think the "Tina" thing would not fly, then is it sort of unfair that a "Mickey" is allowed? Is thisnot discriminatory? Unfair? Or should both types be allowed? Again, in a job where the general public is served all day long?

I am of the opinion that Tina would certainly not be allowed at my workplace. He just would not get hired in the first place. Also, I believe this "Mickey but not Tina" dynamic is fairly commonplace. And my opinion is that this is unfair to the male gays.

What say you? And is you agree with the "Mickey but not Tina" thing is goin' on, why do you think it is tolerated more?

Thank you for your thoughtful opinions.

\\


I don't care if you dress like a woman, but, I'm guessing small minded people like yourself might have a problem with it.

[Cape Cod Todd]

Gay or lesbian I don't think it matters as much anymore to most people. There is an over the top gay guy in our office building and he is a funny guy. He comes into our office to gossip and I don't talk about my bedroom shenanigans and when he starts about his I tell him I don't want to hear it. end of story.
Here on the tip of Cape Cod is Provincetown a haven for gay people in the Summer and it gets crazy up there. Some of those gay guys can actually be pretty and some the lesbians can be scary.

We have gay and lesbian clients and what does it really matter at the end of the day?

I don't know how tolerant Arizona is when it comes to gay people but Mickey and Tina wouldn't have a problem here in Massachusetts.

[hothulamaui]

mickey is not just a male name. I have a straight lady friend well into her late 70's named mickey. women have been wearing pants now for generations, does the opp have a problem with all women wearing pants or just the ones that are lesbians? does the op prefer when a woman "looks too unfeminine" they be discriminated against in the workforce and not get a job? to discourage gay people from "flaunting" should they be disallowed being able to talk about their personal lives so as to not offend the people like the op?

[vanguardisle]

Originally Posted by okie1962

I think we got so used to seeing females wearing men's clothing and cutting their hair short that it's not too much of a shock. I'm from a ranching area, it's not unusual to women dressed like your coworker Mickey. By the way, we were once friends to a former Ms Texas who went by the name Mickey.

I agree with this. It's also really hard to judge women's fashions they really can be all over the place from one season to the next while men have less choices in what is considered suitable in how they dress. I guess your coworker is considered more like a tomboy, while a guy in drag showing up for work would be just plain weird.

[43north87west]

Double standard. Highly likely that the amount of harassment or jokes would be more for a gay guy than a butch woman, especially in some parts of the country. For whatever reason, while lesbians are sometimes made fun of (stereotyped), they don't seem to elicit the same response as campy or femmy gay guys.