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Someone is trying to pay a kind word to the memory of your loved one and it annoys you? So sad. Not everyone is going to see the world from an atheist's point of view, nor will everyone see it from a christian's pov. I think it's important to look for the intent behind the message and not pick it apart because you don't like what you think it might mean.
I don't know if she's christian. I don't discount the intent, either. I want to be clear on that. I have no idea, really. I'm just voicing what's in my head when I see it. I won't do that with her, so I'm here with it. I think that's ok.
I don't know if she's christian. I don't discount the intent, either. I want to be clear on that. I have no idea, really. I'm just voicing what's in my head when I see it. I won't do that with her, so I'm here with it. I think that's ok.
It's just one of the many meaningless clichés people use. It's no different than somebody telling you everything will be OK when they clearly know it will not.
It's just one of the many meaningless clichés people use. It's no different than somebody telling you everything will be OK when they clearly know it will not.
So true. I'm now thinking back to the PROTOCOL of the services. Geesh, that was so lame, too.
When my grandmother was finally taken off ventilator and died (after 6 months of being in a coma), I could literally say that she is now in a better place, i.e. no longer suffering. I guess it really depends on the circumstances of the death. Sometimes appropriate, sometimes inappropriate, and sometimes just cliche.
For my part, as a true believer in the afterlife, I would say this is a genuine remark that I do believe he/she is in a better place. You and her both grieve for your brother, though you may not believe in the same things. The beliefs do not take away from the grief. And sometimes it is just something people will say, but there are those who mean it. I am not sure if you are being intolerant of her beliefs, or if there might be something else you dislike about her. Or maybe you are mad at your brother for leaving you. There is some anger mixed into all this.
She's 18. Most people of that age are not experienced enough or worldly enough to know the "right" thing to say because most haven't lived that loss themselves. In fact, many people much older don't come up with the answer you're looking for because the "right" thing to say is subjective. The "he's in a better place" line may very well make some people feel better because of their belief system. It may annoy others, make some roll their eyes. To this girl, it may have been the perfect thing to say. This is the reality for all the diverse ways of thinking we have on this planet.
But I don't blame you for feeling annoyed. I might too, in your place. You're entitled to your feelings just as surely as she is to hers.
She's 18. Most people of that age are not experienced enough or worldly enough to know the "right" thing to say because most haven't lived that loss themselves.
But I don't blame you for feeling annoyed. I might too, in your place. You're entitled to your feelings just as surely as she is to hers.
To add to that, many people who've not experienced the death of someone close to them simply are horribly awkward when it comes to expressing themselves and often come up with all those well-worn cliches for want of something else to say.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette
For instance, according to my mother's wishes, she was cremated. If someone said that "she's in a better place" stuff to me, I'd have said, "Where? On my sister's dresser?"
Which probably would have made my mother laugh, come to think of it.
That reminded me of one of the best farewells which I helped organize. My friend was a garrulous character, larger than life with a Churchillian voice and a sense of the ridiculous. He passed away in England and his ashes were returned here to the islands in accordance with his final wishes that they be scattered in the Caribbean off a beautiful private beach where he had spent many idyllic days and nights in the company of dear friends who owned the property.
He was quite a boozer so I packed his ashes into three large Cruzan rum bottles (he was a big man!) which sat on a shelf in my bedroom until all the arrangements were finalized. A flotilla of boats left on the appointed day to sail over to the cove where we had a wonderful party at the beautiful house on the beach, following which we gathered at the water's edge and three of us special female friends of his waded out a short way and emptied our bottles into the gentle rollers, accompanied by a recorded selection of his favorite classical music.
As we sailed back to home base under the setting sun we could all well believe that our dear friend was with us and thoroughly enjoyed such a splendid farewell. Thanks for the memory!
I feel my beloved family & my beloved four legged Pal's who have passed, are waiting for me at the "Rainbow Bridge", for when my time comes.
My beloved mom, her fiance, & my sis chose to be cremated. They rest in peace here, below a beautiful old growth Doug Fir, above the bass pond. Some of my four legged buddies rest there also.
My beloved wife chose to rest in peace, in a small cemetary.
They kind of bother me. I would never in a million years respond negatively, but they annoy me. There's this one girl (the daughter [18-19 yrs old] of my bro's friend) that leaves messages like this on my brother's fb page. I really like that she still thinks of him. It means the world to me, to be honest, but the whole "you're in a better place", as an atheist, gets me ruffled. I think to myself, "no, he's not in a better place, he's in no place. And before that he suffered a majority of the time for the past 20 years". I love her for it, tho. I love her young, bright-eyed, hopeful youth. It's awesome. Me, OTOH, am just p*ssed about the whole thing. The consequence of this is that I spoil his dog beyond reproach. She's the queen of my house.
Ahh, I'm having a sharing night. Any way, to the peeps who have lost, or can imagine, and maintain an ongoing, interactive memorial, how do you feel about such sentiments or what do you think?
Do most people really know what to say? I mean, if she's posting, clearly she does mean well. Given that he suffered a majority of the time for the past 20 years, wouldn't you, as an atheist agree that "nothingness" is better than suffering?
I lost an infant daughter many years ago. If I hadn't believed that she had gone to a "better place", rather than into just nothingness, I probably couldn't have survived the situation. We all have our own beliefs and way of grieving and coping with death. I'd rather have someone say something like that than "He/she is better off dead."
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