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I just found out that my husband shot and killed himself last night. It was a huge shock and very sad for me. He was a terrible alcoholic which had shattered both our lives and tragically now ended his. I'm sad that he had to do this and know it isn't my fault. I really need help with how do I pay for a funeral? His alcoholism had left him penniless and me with very little money as well. I'm trying to check on his pension and see if he had life insurance or does the fact that he committed suicide cancel out life insurance. Any help would be appreciated.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,575,923 times
Reputation: 8044
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. As I said in your other post, you need to find his Will to know if you're the one legally responsible for handling his funeral, burial and what estate he might have. Then you need an Estate attorney. If he has no Will, you still need an Estate attorney, probably even more. Since you're still legally married, you are probably by law, his heir, unless he left a Will stating otherwise. An Estate attorney will clear up all your questions and help you get all the paperwork you need to close his estate.
Unless there's some money you didn't know about, you may have to settle for cremation.
(Life insurance policies do not cover suicides.)
That's what I & my husband have chosen, many of our friends have, as did my parents.
There's no plot or headstone to buy, and, you don't have to buy an urn to store his ashes in somewhere, either.
Many people's ashes are sprinkled over a garden or the ocean, or, buried in a favorite spot . . . etc.
(You can do this yourself, instead of paying someone else to handle it.)
"How to Find the Cost of Cremation in Your Area"
http://www.ehow.com/how_4887859_cost-of-cremation-area.html
"How to Avoid Funeral Costs, Donate [His] Body and Get a Free Cremation"
http://www.ehow.com/video_2194148_costs-donate-body-free-cremation.html
EVEN though you've been separated, you obviously still care some for the man. You wanted a much better future for him, and many believe that victims of suicide have no hope. However, that is not what God's Word indicates. It shows us that God is full of mercy, and when someone is not in their right mind, He takes that into consideration when they do wrong! . . . It also tells us that *death* is payment for our sins, and that one is *acquitted* of their sin at death. Which means that when they are resurrected after Armageddon, it will be to the opportunity of a brand *new* chance to get things right . . . totally free of whatever caused them to go wrong the first time!
Both of those issues can be read about in more depth, in the articles:
"Have You Lost a Loved One to Suicide" http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/102001763?q=Have+You+Lost+a+Loved+One+to+Suicide&p =sen
"Judgment Day—What [Really] Is It?"
http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/bible-teach/
Last edited by 2Q&Lrn&Hlp; 09-06-2014 at 03:43 AM..
Reason: To clean it up, but, the URLs have kept getting messed up again when I repost my answer. ): And, to add a source of comfort.
Unless there's some money you didn't know about, you may have to settle for cremation. (Life insurance policies do not cover suicides.)
That's not true. Life insurance usually has an exclusionary period for suicide. It is usually a two year period. The clause is to avoid fraud - intentionally buying a policy to cash in a death benefit through suicide.
both of your threads contain the same answer, (1) find a will and (2) get a lawyer etc. Hopefully in his good paperwork his friend found there is a copy or the name of his lawyer.
Then all will be known. Anything else will be speculation. It may be you have a lot of involvement or it may be very little. So don't borrow trouble. It is sad enough as is.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,575,923 times
Reputation: 8044
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Q&Lrn&Hlp
My Deepest Condolences!
Unless there's some money you didn't know about, you may have to settle for cremation.
(Life insurance policies do not cover suicides.)
That's what I & my husband have chosen, many of our friends have, as did my parents.
There's no plot or headstone to buy, and, you don't have to buy an urn to store his ashes in somewhere, either.
Many people's ashes are sprinkled over a garden or the ocean, or, buried in a favorite spot . . . etc.
(You can do this yourself, instead of paying someone else to handle it.)
EVEN though you've been separated, you obviously still care some for the man. You wanted a much better future for him, and many believe that victims of suicide have no hope. However, that is not what God's Word indicates. It shows us that God is full of mercy, and when someone is not in their right mind, He takes that into consideration when they do wrong! . . . It also tells us that *death* is payment for our sins, and that one is *acquitted* of their sin at death. Which means that when they are resurrected after Armageddon, it will be to the opportunity of a brand *new* chance to get things right . . . totally free of whatever caused them to go wrong the first time!
Both of those issues can be read about in more depth, in the articles:
This would be much more relevant in a religion forum. It really doesn't belong in a forum for comforting and supporting the grieving or mourning, some of whom may not believe in a Christian God or in any deity at all. This comes across as proselytizing which is not appropriate for this forum.
My H didn't kill himself but we were separated when he died. Not even legally separated, just living several states apart. We hadn't even begun the divorce yet.
His cousin was the POD on his bank accounts. She was worried about how to tell me and didn't know if I knew or if she should give me the money. I knew she was POD and I asked her to give me 2K to pay for his final expenses...she didn't have to but she did. That 2K let me cremate his body, paid for me to fly out there and drive his car back. I ended up paying nothing out of pocket. And his cousin was grateful I was understanding about the money. We are still friends.
The bill for a plain cremation was about $800.
I agree you need to talk to a lawyer and find out what you can actually be held financially responsible for. Do what you have to do and nothing more. Don't feel like you have to 'sell the farm' to pay for the funeral of a man who had already bankrupted you with his alcoholism. And if his family whines and complains, tell them you would be happy to let them take care of it and have whatever kind of funeral they are willing to pay for.
You have to see the lawyer asap. But then I might lay back a little and see if someone else steps up for the funeral.
Sad, sad situation, stormynh. I'm in sympathy for how rough things must have been for you and hope your grieving is gentle and your healing timely.
I have read elsewhere that people have run into unexpected expenses in donating a body so you may want to check on this. There are transportation costs, I know, but I'm not sure who is required to pay them.
I have located his well and I am indeed getting everything which means I do have a lot of work to do which is both heartbreaking that this man died alone. I can see from his papers he was still struggling with sobriety, but, like in our marriage it was a battle he lost over and over again and was taking me down. There should eventually be money to pay for the funeral with death benefits, life insurance etc, but needless to say those monies don't just float out the minute he dies and the funeral home expects there money pronto. I am having a very hard time coming up with $3000. I got the $1500 deposit so they will at least go forward and cremate my husband as that is what he wanted and everything else is frugal and at my mothers. Baby steps, but, once it is done it is done.
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