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Another dream last night--more scary now then bad at the time---I felt my DH crawl in the bed and I turned over and could feel his breath on me. For some reason I was not scared but felt relaxed and went back to sleep. I think that is about enough strange dreams--not sure what is bringing them on but I am going to find a way to keep them away if possible. Must just be lots on my mind. Lots of responsibility that I have never had to deal with so maybe now that it is more under control I won't be so concerned--I hope anyhow. I may need to move the ashes to another room too. May be just to much for me right now.
Another dream last night--more scary now then bad at the time---I felt my DH crawl in the bed and I turned over and could feel his breath on me. For some reason I was not scared but felt relaxed and went back to sleep. I think that is about enough strange dreams--not sure what is bringing them on but I am going to find a way to keep them away if possible. Must just be lots on my mind. Lots of responsibility that I have never had to deal with so maybe now that it is more under control I won't be so concerned--I hope anyhow. I may need to move the ashes to another room too. May be just to much for me right now.
That sounds like a good step to take......moving the ashes.....The fact that your mind went that way is enough indication that is part of the dreaming.
I think he was the one who loved this house and property ....maybe move them for now and then bury them on the property come spring. There is nothing to say that you have to keep the ashes with you or in your room.....we both know that the ashes aren't him.
Keeping ashes has the down side of what is going to happen to them when you pass.....we know his son wont have any sentimental attachment to his ashes. So at some point the decision needs to be made....about where they should repose.
I hope you respectfully move his ashes from under your bed before you go to sleep tonight.....move them respectfully but without to much fuss......and put them away in a drawer or chest, till spring.
I tend to agree with elston. His ashes deserve a forever home, somewhere he loved to be. He will always be with you, but this way is not really a way. I guess this weird dream was a way for him to tell you so.
I did move them to the top shelf in the pantry. I think all that has been going on was enough to put me over the top and it came out in nightmares. I hope that is what it is. Makes me a little scared to go to sleep now. Just very very weird nightmares. Could feel movement, even his breath--weird! Never had a dream seem so real. I'll say a prayer before I go to sleep asking for some sound seep.
Once again my sister asked me how long is this going to last?? My grieving. I told her she needs to learn more about it. I refuse to feel badly for grieving. I think I'll send her one of my books we use at the grief sessions.
I did move them to the top shelf in the pantry. I think all that has been going on was enough to put me over the top and it came out in nightmares. I hope that is what it is. Makes me a little scared to go to sleep now. Just very very weird nightmares. Could feel movement, even his breath--weird! Never had a dream seem so real. I'll say a prayer before I go to sleep asking for some sound seep.
Once again my sister asked me how long is this going to last?? My grieving. I told her she needs to learn more about it. I refuse to feel badly for grieving. I think I'll send her one of my books we use at the grief sessions.
Good cyn. Put them up in the pantry and put them out of your mind.
Your sister is being thoughtless and selfish....but we know that. You excuse it because of her illness and medication.....you are very kind. I would refuse her calls until she can put someone before herself. How long is she going to go on hurting you due to her selfishness? Is a better question And the answer is ....as long as you let her get away with it.
I agree elston. I don't remember her ever being like this before her illness and then of course the pain killers. The pills really seemed to change her. I just keep hoping she will be able to cut back on those soon. I do avoid her calls when I am especially vulnerable or feeling very down---I always worry it may be a very important call but I just have to take that chance sometimes.
I had BuBu come in and sit with me yesterday in the den for awhile. He was moaning and lonely and I was feeling blue too so he and I enjoyed each other for a bit. I trimmed his toe nails, cleaned his ears and put a fresh batch of Frontline on him. He was so good and just sat next to me for quite awhile. I normally don't use that Frontline but last year the fleas were horrible so I don't want to let them get started this year. In between I just use the DE and that is all I use on my inside cats. Course lately I have not vacuumed nearly as much as I did before since I have had so many other things that have to be done plus work so that doesn't help either. I need more energy and time!
Cyn, I am from a different culture from you and so, pardon me for asking this. Everyone stores their LO's ashes? I didnt know that. What we do is, spread the ashes around the places where the LO used to love to go before. For my grand father, we took the ashes all the way to himalayas (we are from india) because my grand father believed that only from Himalayas there is a way up to heaven. I know....weird but true. So, we took his ashes there and immersed them in a river. Kind of like, one with nature concept. We have nothing when we take birth and we have nothing when we leave this world.
Also, not to trivialize your pain but be careful while cleaning the pantry! You dont want the ashes flying all over the place accidentally when cleaning.
next time your sister says something insensitive, tell her, it will last as long it will last and if she ever heard you complain about the pills/ her moods etc. Why cant she return the same courtesy?
About the dreams, i have a theory. But i better not say it. I dont think a lot of people would understand and would start laughing at its absurdity.
Maila.....thanks for sharing your culture. We have some ashes from my parents and pets.....and my DP's late partner... and flower garden soil from where we interred the rest.
The majority of the ashes are still in that garden.....and some are at a favorite grove in a church camp. We do have my FIL's ash on a family alter with his picture and pictures of other loved ones, and that container of soil from that Maine garden.
We put water or tea or sake on the alter and flowers and a Japanese custom ..... if we get given or buy something nice for us or for the house, especially food treats....it goes on the altar for a day or two for the the spirits of the ancestors to enjoy. My father-in-laws creamated bones are in a perpetual care vault at his temple in Japan where they are prayed over regularly by the clergy of that temple.
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