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The worst part is I have so much I am doing right here at home with online business--be it slow it is still going and it probably is making me as much as if I went out and got a part time job that I had to drive to in my gas guzzler! Also, and I know many just do not get his, but my critters mean something too. They have gone through this as well...you can see it in the way they act...they know they are sad and daddy is gone. They may not understand but they do feel. Would it be the right thing to do then to up and be gone half of the time? Not right now. We all, me and the critters, need time. We're progressing but not as fast as some think we should but those have never been where I am. It doesn't really hurt me or upset me it just makes me frustrated not to be able to make them understand. And Lilly--you are 100% correct about my feelings regarding elston. He would never do or say anything to intentionally hurt me--quite the opposite--he is only protecting me and can butt in any time and anywhere. I am very fond of elston and respect his thinking. He has pulled me up, dusted me off and told me to get my head on straight more times then I can ever tell you! I can't even imagine where I would be or what my thinking would be without his help! Yep, you are right Lilly!
And you don't have to drive that gas guzzler out there in the lousy weather, ( when it's lousy), and you can work on your own time, and around other things that you want to do. I'm just sorry business is slow, but I'm glad it's going enough to give you a little income at least.
I know your critters appreciate your being there as much as you are- you're a source of security and love to them- it's ok as long as you're there. And they're a source of comfort to you as well.
You're doing well- getting out as you need and want to, meeting people, and thank goodness your neighbors and friends are so wonderful in their support and wanting to help you out as they see the need- says a lot, I think, about you as a person that people care so much about you. They see a good, hardworking lady with a wonderful character and they want to help you through your rough spots. I don't guess that sadness you're living with, and the emptiness you feel at times these days will ever go away entirely, but as time goes on, you'll put it in perspective as you go on with your life. It happens gradually, as you're busy with other things, and you'll find you can even be happy again.
And the kids? What's the old saying about wanting patience, and wanting it NOW!!!! I don't know that it's even possible to change someone's mindset about things, especially when they think they're right. They may not understand your way of handling the changes in your life after your DH's death, they don't have to, hopefully they accept that this is your way, and works for you, and you will do what is best for you.
Every step along this way.....from the first time her DH started showing some weakness....and she had to fight to get him a Dr's appointment.....thru all of his decline .... the financial problems...transportation problems....sick beloved pets and on and on and on....Cyn has shown good judgment and class and managed to keep it all together...inspite of power outages, declining health, rehab center problems....adaptive equipment that worked and that didn't work..absent family members.......Cyn has managed admirably. The last thing anyone should do is to try to second guess or God Forbid act like they know better than she knows herself.
Cyn.....You are a class act....a compassionate lady.....with a core of iron. No one has a right to judge you.....(altho from time to time....I may send you a DM or an email that offers another point of view.
The worst part is I have so much I am doing right here at home with online business--be it slow it is still going and it probably is making me as much as if I went out and got a part time job that I had to drive to in my gas guzzler! Also, and I know many just do not get his, but my critters mean something too. They have gone through this as well...you can see it in the way they act...they know they are sad and daddy is gone. They may not understand but they do feel. Would it be the right thing to do then to up and be gone half of the time? Not right now. We all, me and the critters, need time. We're progressing but not as fast as some think we should but those have never been where I am. It doesn't really hurt me or upset me it just makes me frustrated not to be able to make them understand. And Lilly--you are 100% correct about my feelings regarding elston. He would never do or say anything to intentionally hurt me--quite the opposite--he is only protecting me and can butt in any time and anywhere. I am very fond of elston and respect his thinking. He has pulled me up, dusted me off and told me to get my head on straight more times then I can ever tell you! I can't even imagine where I would be or what my thinking would be without his help! Yep, you are right Lilly!
I don't know elston, or you, for that matter, cyn, but his post about your kids showed me what a great friend you have in him. Only a true, great friend would come out and say what is obvious to others that you, being too close, may not. Even at the risk of pissing you off.
Then there is what I have said many times, though people try to comfort, they have NO IDEA what you are going through. They are lovely people but they just don't know. You need to go at your own pace and may need to start telling people that. I understand why your daughter wants to get you out and employed but it is just not that easy. I had to QUIT my job because I could not smile at the customers anymore no matter how hard I tried to fake it. It just wasn't working. YOU can be the only judge of when it's time to get back into the world of the living. It has taken me just about 3 years now. From what I read, you are doing better than I ever did.
You are also so right about the pets too. Our American Eskimo was never the same after Daddy disappeared. Mickey would never leave his side during the last two weeks of Daddy's life and the look of love, pain, confusion was almost more than we could bear to see. Mickey lost his oomph and died 13 months to the day that Daddy did. So don't mistake it, the pets are effected too.
"One day at a time" is all you can do or be expected to.
I don't know elston, or you, for that matter, cyn, but his post about your kids showed me what a great friend you have in him. Only a true, great friend would come out and say what is obvious to others that you, being too close, may not. Even at the risk of pissing you off.
Then there is what I have said many times, though people try to comfort, they have NO IDEA what you are going through. They are lovely people but they just don't know. You need to go at your own pace and may need to start telling people that. I understand why your daughter wants to get you out and employed but it is just not that easy. I had to QUIT my job because I could not smile at the customers anymore no matter how hard I tried to fake it. It just wasn't working. YOU can be the only judge of when it's time to get back into the world of the living. It has taken me just about 3 years now. From what I read, you are doing better than I ever did.
You are also so right about the pets too. Our American Eskimo was never the same after Daddy disappeared. Mickey would never leave his side during the last two weeks of Daddy's life and the look of love, pain, confusion was almost more than we could bear to see. Mickey lost his oomph and died 13 months to the day that Daddy did. So don't mistake it, the pets are effected too.
"One day at a time" is all you can do or be expected to.
Sorry for butting into your thread again.
No need to be sorry--this is a thread for us all--a place for people to come and share and hopefully learn. A place for anyone who needs support and honest caring is what we have to offer here.
Maila, you didn't hurt my feelings one bit---you are such a sensitive woman. I do believe you and my daughter have similar feelings about me getting out in the world around people ASAP.....but it just doesn't work that way. You just care and there is nothing wrong with that!
Morning friends. Merry Christmas to everyone of you here. Thanks Elston and Cyn.
I have my vacation starting from tomorrow.
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