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My ex-wife recently died from pancreatic cancer at age 57. What a horrible disease. Even more horrible was how her family pretty much phoned in their support.
I know riffs happen in families but when one is dying, you would think trivial issues would be water under the bridge. I guess not.
Luckily, my ex had a terrific best friend who was there for her to the end.
Goodbye T, I'm sorry you had to go this way. I'm even sorrier I couldn't get to see you before it was too late. It was an undignified and painful death...even in Hospice. Just glad you don't have to suffer anymore. Tragic.
Horrible? Painful? Undignified? Alone? There is not a day goes past that I don't pray that my ex goes this way. Abusive, narcissistic and deserving of true evil.
But I understand YOUR hurt OP. There is no reason why two people who loved one another, but grew apart for whatever reason, cannot share a moment of peace and closure when life is about to end. Anything else, in a normal relationship, is just silly.
Were my current SO to succumb, whether we stay together or part, I would be devastated. She is a gift, given to me by some power way beyond my comprehension, and not a day goes past that I don't say thank you for being so privileged.
Condolences. And congrats for being a good person.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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UEHelp ~~ I understand the indignity of pancreatic cancer. My best friend's husband went to the ER on 4th of July 2013 with horrible pain in his sternum area. They thought he might have gotten food poisoning from their picnic at the park, and instead was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer. Until that day, he felt absolutely fine. For the next month he suffered so horribly with pain, severe weight loss, and loss of strength. In mid-August he went to hospice, but then decided he wanted to die at home. Six weeks after his diagnosis, he died. It was horrible watching him decline so rapidly, and in so much pain....
You are to be commended for still caring for your ex-wife. You are a true gentleman....
I don't know about being a gentleman but I did do what I thought was right. Lots of "should of, could of, would of" combined with indecision.
By the time I found it, it was too late. Thought I could get up to Canada (where she lived) but my passport had expired. Really wouldn't of mattered; by the time I was notified, she was already checking out with all of the drugs she was on. In a perfect world, I could have done much more if I knew earlier but that's the past.
We were not close after our divorce but I did what I thought she would have wanted. I wrote her an email that was read to her apologizing for everything and told her that I loved her. I did also speak to her in a minute of lucidity.
Even worse, my ex's best friend had me on speaker phone the day before she died. The thought was that I would say a few words on speaker. But what I heard was just awful. Either moaning, groaning or screaming. I could not tell. The best friend said she had to call me back and that was it. I NEVER want to hear that sound again.
There was nothing dignified or easy about this. Her best friend is an angel for being by her side to the end. She will be organizing a Celebration of Life event which I will attend out of respect to her friend and my ex. The family will be having a ceremony of their own which I have no interest in attending.
But I am still devastated. Just from the situation. The person I was once married to is now dead and went out in pain and scared with a family that didn't do everything they could have done to help.
I got a call from the family which I let go to VM. I don't know what to do with it. They would like to speak to me. I don't want to.
I'm so sorry to hear about all of your situations. It's all just tragic. Time to kick up the research on curing/treating cancer.
That is just an awful story and a terrible way for the dearly departed to leave this earth.
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