Losing a loved one - in death and in life

[metalmancpa]

Within the past six years, I have sat back and watched my wife suffer deeply losing loved ones, twice. First, her oldest sister was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. She hung on for a year, but succumbed to the disease. A couple of years later while driving with her mother shopping, her mother felt ill and my wife took her to the doctors. Two days later she was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and within a month she was in hospice care. She died on her 70th birthday, which is also the birthday of my wife. Losing someone in death is permanent and forever painful. Time heals somewhat, but feelings of loss and mourning bubble up inside her to this day.

In the past six weeks, my father contracted bacteremia, a serious blood disease. It traveled to his spine and cause osteomyelitis and attached to his Mitral Valve of his heart. He survived a traumatic 5 days where the risk of stroke and a fractured spine were at a high risk. But what has transpired appears to be dementia, as if it happened overnight. Around 6 months ago I noticed slight hints that maybe, just maybe, he was just beginning to show signs of what could be dementia, forgetting little things here and there. Part of me thought age (85). When the infection took hold, they put a PICC line in for a 6-week antibiotic treatment. Tomorrow we go and see if the infection is gone, and the PICC line will be pulled. Once he entered the hospital, the dementia like symptoms just arrived as if he feel off a cliff. I thought maybe the infection or the antibiotics was causing it, but at this point not sure. It's bad. He's less than 50% mentally of what I remember my father to be. I hold onto hope its not permanent, but I'm barely holding on. He hasn't been diagnosed with dementia yet, but his rapid decline has been stunning to me.

The losses are vastly different. Death is permanent, but losing someone while living is a completely different pain. I have to see my mother so sad, as right now she feels she's lost the man she's been married to for 60 years. By Friday we will know if this is temporary or permanent. But just seeing him in his confused strange mental state is a hard loss. I (we, the family) are reminded of the pain every time we see him.

Any loss of a loved one hurts, in death or in life.

[tamiznluv]

I'm so sorry, metalmancpa. I can't even imagine. So sad.

[littlechoirlady]

That is so rough and I'm sorry you're going through this.

[cam1957]

I'm sorry that you and your Mom are having to go through this. My heart goes out to you.