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When we bought our house a few years ago, there was a box of cremains in the yard. Neighbor said they belonged to the previous owner, Bob, who died in 2012 and has no family.
Neighbor opined that Bob would want his ashes scattered on the hill above the house. I finally got around to it the other day, scattering them among some big saguaros in an area with a great view.
When I was done, I happened to look at the label on the bag that had held the ashes. To my surprise, it had a woman's name, Fern. I googled and found her obituary; she also died in 2012.
Should I try to contact her survivors and let them know what happened to her cremains?
I might be able to recover a spoonful.
If they noticed they got the wrong ashes, they might be comforted knowing what happened.
Should I contact the crematory?
Should I just leave it alone? I never knew Bob, don't care where he wound up, and I don't mind Fern sharing our hill.
It's possible that Bob was Fern's only survivor (by a different name) or maybe he was her only close friend / loved one and that's why he was in possession of Fern's ashes in the first place. He might have been keeping them so his and her ashes could be scattered together at the same time once he died. Maybe his own ashes were already combined with hers in the box when you found it and the box was just left there by some delivery person after Bob died.
If I was in your position I might contact the crematorium/funeral director to ask if they have a record of Fern and if she had any known survivors, and ask who it was that requested Fern's ashes be given to them. If she had survivors that were relatives I'd expect that information would have been listed in her obituary. Other non-related loved ones and friends don't usually get listed in obituaries.
My feeling is that if Bob was already in possession of Fern's ashes before he died then he had a valid reason for keeping them. But Bob is gone now before he had a chance to follow through with his arrangements for Fern's ashes and now YOU have already done the right thing by the cremains that you found, regardless of whose cremains they were. Personally I would prefer to let both sleeping dogs lie at rest in peace and not make any enquiries or stir things up with other people since so many years have already passed by since the two of them died.
Cute story about Bob and Fern knowing each other, but the neighbor is the one who accepted the ashes from the crematorium, and he believed they were Bob's.
He even built a little alcove on a rock to house them: in full view of the living room windows. Great conversation starter! Recent visitors noticed the box was gone and asked about it.
Okay, if I'm understanding you correctly then Bob was already dead and gone and your neighbour was the one who later took delivery of somebody's cremains assuming they were Bob's cremains and he left the box in Bob's yard.
In that case I guess I would contact the crematorium/funeral director and inform them of what happened with you discovering Fern's name on the bag after you scattered the ashes, and try to find out if Fern had any survivors who may have ended up taking delivery of a stranger's cremains instead of Fern's.
If you can track down whoever it was that Fern's cremains were supposed to have been delivered to I think the conscientious thing to do would be to inform the survivors of the mixup and what eventually happened to her ashes several years later. If it was a mixup that could potentially cause trouble for the crematorium but so many years have gone by and I don't think anyone would be able to prove they were responsible unless you can produce the bag her ashes were in with her name on it.
If there are no known survivors ..... well then at least you have now done the right thing by her and laid Fern's cremains to rest.
Now I'm really curious about the mystery of it all and wish I knew what actually happened to Bob's remains.
Maybe another family has Bob's ashes in an urn over their fireplace and thinks they are Fern's. My sister has her husband's ashes in her living room. I am sure she would go absolutely nuts if she discovered they were someone else's.
If you do try to find Fern's survivors, please let us know how it goes.
Even so, personally I would just let it go. But I'm sort of like that anyway - to me, once a person is gone, they're gone.
Funny aside note: I had a great uncle who became very, very wealthy. He was married several times, had several kids, numerous grandkids (who he made call him Uncle instead of Granddaddy or whatever) - and he was an odd duck. To make matters worse, his CPA apparently stole all his money over time - who knows? Anyway, not my circus, not my monkeys. So my dad bought the old homeplace from the heirs...and lo and behold, he found his uncle's ashes in a box upstairs in one of the barns! He couldn't give them away to ANYONE for love or money. He finally found a granddaughter who was willing to take those ashes. I have no idea what she did with them. It was crazy - we'd go upstairs in the barn and there would be that box of ashes, just sitting there. My dad had made a nice little plaque for the outside of the box but still...it was just weird.
Actually if I had to put him somewhere, up in that barn where he used to play as a child is exactly where I'd leave him. Oh well. It wasn't my call.
When we bought our house a few years ago, there was a box of cremains in the yard. Neighbor said they belonged to the previous owner, Bob, who died in 2012 and has no family.
Neighbor opined that Bob would want his ashes scattered on the hill above the house. I finally got around to it the other day, scattering them among some big saguaros in an area with a great view.
When I was done, I happened to look at the label on the bag that had held the ashes. To my surprise, it had a woman's name, Fern. I googled and found her obituary; she also died in 2012.
Should I try to contact her survivors and let them know what happened to her cremains?
I might be able to recover a spoonful.
If they noticed they got the wrong ashes, they might be comforted knowing what happened.
Should I contact the crematory?
Should I just leave it alone? I never knew Bob, don't care where he wound up, and I don't mind Fern sharing our hill.
It is a great story.
I would not contact anyone, you already did what you did, why ask for trouble, one never knows what someone else will say, think, do, or feel.
I'd absolutely let it die with you and do nothing. JMO
Personally I would prefer to let both sleeping dogs lie at rest in peace and not make any enquiries or stir things up with other people since so many years have already passed by since the two of them died.
.
Was the 'stir things up' pun intended?
Sleeping dogs lie? Now I'm wondering if Fern was a dog.
I would listen to Kansas' song "dust in the wind" and maybe sing along in Fern's honor, and that would be the end of it.
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