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Sometimes people are boring, and they're just looking for something external to humor them. I consider myself to be a boring person. When I was in Ohio I enjoyed myself, but then I found that if I hang around long enough and look deep enough I can find the same trouble in Virginia, so it isn't really my environs, it is me. Now I'm living in a similar situation, so my experiences have just come full circle.
Rather than complain about how boring it is ask yourself what are you doing to make life interesting in Hampton Roads, but first ask yourself if you're simply challenged because what you took for granted somewhere else does not exist here, if not just in the same form you recognized it in, and you're just struggling through your own reinvention.
Northerners, Midwesterners, Northwesterners, anyone from a large city with that metro area of millions of people get bored easily because everything is handed to them. They get to Virginia and they have to put in a bit of work and effort, because the large billboards and the bright lights aren't here. But instead of doing the math just create something cool instead. I did the math when I came here, over and over again in my mind and in conversations and inevitably bored myself to death in doing so. I figured I may as well see is going on in the area, and I was pleasantly surprised. A lot of what I thought I had left behind I honestly did not need, as it was not essential to anything but my intellectual curiosities, and I have the Internet for that if I cannot get it through any other means. Most things are small and spread out, and in strange, inconspicuous places, so it is easy to assume that there is nothing here because it does not take up the entire city block or it is not in a 30 story building like it may be back wherever whoever is complaining is from.
I would love to see more here, artistically. I know we have a lot of performing arts centers and museums scattered about, but I don't think you get the energy that you feel in other cities here, like in New York, Chicago, Atlanta, San Francisco, LA, Detroit, etc. You take that for granted until it is not there, and then you're like "what the ..." and you realize that perhaps it is time for you to do something different and stop relying on what everyone else is doing. Also I'm pretty sure there is probably a lot going on, underground, but no one will ever speak of it and you would never know because it is not as though you can type in "hampton roads" into a search engine and get back results.
People that want a more urban environment with better public transportation and "cultural amenities". I get it, for a metro this size we do lack a vibrant downtown area with lots of trendy bars, local restaurants with witty names, and dense walkable neighborhoods. This is a long term project and will take a while, unless you want to be part of that process and help build this then maybe these folks are just better off leaving because we won't have this for a while. I am moderately sympathetic to these folks and like to engage them in discussions as long as they don't refer to us as "simple", morons, car lovin' rednecks, etc... or use some other form of sarcastic hyperbole to demonstrate how we are just content to live our boring suburban lives as the world moves forward without us (see northeastern transplants above).
Downtown is spread out. Its downtown Norfolk, downtown Hampton, downtown Newport News, downtown Portsmouth. Its Virginia Beach Town Center and the Peninsula Town Center. It is not at a central, focal point. No different from LA, Atlanta, etc. Personally I think that is a good thing, because to be completely honest most people do not spend their days and evenings in the downtown of whatever city they grew up in or where they're living. They may go there from time to time, but there is a very good reason why the rest of the city is larger than downtown and has more people than downtown, even in NYC. I know that someone will respond and suggest that it is because people prefer to live in detached homes but outside of it, people do not necessarily need the infrastructure of a downtown area to have a good time. There is plenty going on throughout a city, if you are willing to look for it.
Most downtowns are expensive. I could not afford to live in the downtown of the city I grew up in, and no one even cares about that city anymore. I might go there to catch a play or something, and the City University is there and they have their own facilities that are open to the public but that was not high on my list and would not be if I were to move back there. Other than a cool Christmas window display in the one department store that existed there back in the eighties no one really cared about the place. The DMV was in there and I believe the University bought it out a few years ago.
Downtown is spread out. Its downtown Norfolk, downtown Hampton, downtown Newport News, downtown Portsmouth. Its Virginia Beach Town Center and the Peninsula Town Center. It is not at a central, focal point. No different from LA, Atlanta, etc. Personally I think that is a good thing, because to be completely honest most people do not spend their days and evenings in the downtown of whatever city they grew up in or where they're living. They may go there from time to time, but there is a very good reason why the rest of the city is larger than downtown and has more people than downtown, even in NYC. I know that someone will respond and suggest that it is because people prefer to live in detached homes but outside of it, people do not necessarily need the infrastructure of a downtown area to have a good time. There is plenty going on throughout a city, if you are willing to look for it.
Most downtowns are expensive. I could not afford to live in the downtown of the city I grew up in, and no one even cares about that city anymore. I might go there to catch a play or something, and the City University is there and they have their own facilities that are open to the public but that was not high on my list and would not be if I were to move back there. Other than a cool Christmas window display in the one department store that existed there back in the eighties no one really cared about the place. The DMV was in there and I believe the University bought it out a few years ago.
I feel like there is a vibrant feeling that really only comes from dense urban environments with a lot of young people (with money)... that I do feel like we lack around here. That isn't my scene either, I am more of a play sports and bbq sort of person in my free time, but I can appreciate having it around. Overall though, I am of the same mindset as you... I used to live less than a mile from Waikiki and I never went there because it is crowded, loud, and expensive. After working all day the last thing I want to do is sit in some overcrowded bar and talk about how work sucks with a bunch of other people in the same boat. I would rather surf, golf, play basketball, go for a bike ride, or hit the gym. All of which I can easily do in Virginia Beach given the miles of shoreline, numerous parks, cheap municipal golf courses, and quality affordable rec centers.
I'm not really that big on nightlife, if I want to have a beer and watch the game I call up my buddies we go to kroger for a case ($15) and sit in the back yard with the TV on. I don't need to drop $8 a glass plus cover charge for ambiance and some whiny band or DJ trying to break my eardrums. I did it when I was young and single, simply because that's where the girls were a lot of the time, but I didn't really like it then either. If I need culture there is the internet... the wealth of human knowledge is at my fingertips every time I boot up my computer. And maybe a couple of times a year we hit up the Chrysler or take a long weekend to DC to see some of the Smithsonian, but I don't need to live on top of those places.
My overall point though, in response to munstrosity, was simply that there are very specific types of people that tend to complain about the area with pretty specific complaints. And if you live here long enough you get tired of hearing the same complaints from the same people so you become less likely to engage them in a discussion and more likely to just dismiss it. When I was in Hawaii I didn't run around saying "In the mainland we do xxx better and you guys need to change to be like that or you are backwards morons", I don't know why people think it is OK to act like that here.
My overall point though, in response to munstrosity, was simply that there are very specific types of people that tend to complain about the area with pretty specific complaints. And if you live here long enough you get tired of hearing the same complaints from the same people so you become less likely to engage them in a discussion and more likely to just dismiss it. When I was in Hawaii I didn't run around saying "In the mainland we do xxx better and you guys need to change to be like that or you are backwards morons", I don't know why people think it is OK to act like that here.
Because it is the Internet and people like to troll, and some are very good at engaging people in rhetorical threads. Also, IRL, because people are fascinated with the fact that said individual is from said city, and are either seeking their approval, or picking their brain, and prideful, narcissistic individuals fall for it every single time. Whatever floats their boat, it isn't personal, and they would engage with people like that wherever they lived. If they were back home they would complain about the hipsters, or the fact that Latinos have taken over the neighborhood, or whatever.
When I first moved here people used to engage me all the time. I could not bring the same arrogance that a New Yorker could, but I had my talking points. You then get into these polite discussions about the differences and similarities. Then I realized that I am not that individual; where I'm from, when New Yorkers moved into town or came through they never asked my opinion on anything. We don't have a lot of outsiders and a huge transient population. So I put that into the perspective of being here, and I changed my attitude. Plus the place had started to grow on me by then. When I was in college I heard a New Yorker say that Detroit was a nice place to live, which was funny to me, because Detroiters have a lot of pride about how dangerous of a city they live in. But there is some truth in what the New Yorker said, because every city has those dangerous, boarded up, bombed out, urban decay neighborhoods, Detroit just has more of them. If you talk to the right person, supposedly you'll get shot at as soon as you arrive into the city; well, I actually stayed there for a few weeks back in the nineties and the urban decay was cool and everything and sure, hearing other people get shot at got old after a while but it wasn't as scary as people make it out to be. But everyone needs something to be proud about, so people turn to something, anything, to make it look good (or to make themselves look good).
You've read it in my responses to other threads in the Hampton Roads forum. It really is not that much different. Northeastern Ohio has more people, and some aspects of it are faster and some are slower and some perhaps more dangerous but there is no world of difference. You'll find taller buildings, and you may find a more densely populated place, but there isn't the night and day difference you'll find from a place like New York. So, I'm not really that interested in hearing myself talk, that has never really been my MO. I am more of a listener and observer of human behavior, and I like to learn. Also it is not just HR; when I was in Harrisonburg I ran into someone from New Jersey out there, and we had that discussion for a few hours and moved on towards other things. She had spent a lot of time living in Northern Virginia and sought a slower pace of life and did not like the fact that Harrisonburg was growing. Then again she was in her fifties and had lived life, and was in a different space.
People leave here, and they come back, particularly considering the military aspect of it so if people have served and lived in Germany, Japan, Korea, etc. and they like to call this home there must be something to it. If they wanted a faster scene they could make that happen. That is one of the differences you'll find here from some other places people move to.
Indeed, thanks Goofy. I have a great fondness for this area and your posts are reassuring in that there are those of us who appreciate it here and are engaging with others to make it even better.
So much potential amongst these tidal waters!
Because it is the Internet and people like to troll, and some are very good at engaging people in rhetorical threads. Also, IRL, because people are fascinated with the fact that said individual is from said city, and are either seeking their approval, or picking their brain, and prideful, narcissistic individuals fall for it every single time. Whatever floats their boat, it isn't personal, and they would engage with people like that wherever they lived. If they were back home they would complain about the hipsters, or the fact that Latinos have taken over the neighborhood, or whatever.
The internet complaints I expect, that is just par for the course online where people go to post their grievances with the benefit of anonymity. I come on the forum when I'm bored at work and expect that. Face to face it is just so culturally unacceptable (where I am from) to talk down to other people that I am just taken back when I hear it still. I would have had a bar of soap in my mouth if my mom saw me talk to other people like that, particularly when I am the outsider trying to assimilate in their culture. But yeah.. you get all kinds I suppose and thats life.
The internet complaints I expect, that is just par for the course online where people go to post their grievances with the benefit of anonymity. I come on the forum when I'm bored at work and expect that. Face to face it is just so culturally unacceptable (where I am from) to talk down to other people that I am just taken back when I hear it still. I would have had a bar of soap in my mouth if my mom saw me talk to other people like that, particularly when I am the outsider trying to assimilate in their culture. But yeah.. you get all kinds I suppose and thats life.
People develop a thick skin and a cold exterior. There are a lot of good people, you just have to cut through their rhetoric. It may just be a lot different than what you're accustomed to.
On some level a lot of people may unconsciously try to push people away, just to see if they're still going to hang around. I've been in that situation and I've probably done that someone else without even realizing it. Sort of like a social hazing of sorts.
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