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my mom ( 83 years old) was admitted to ER sunday. she had lost a lot of blood. turns out she was diabetic and went into diabetic shock. also problems with ephysema. she couln't breathe
some relatives say she died on the way to er. some say at hospital. but i know her heart stopped beating for at least 20 minutes before resisatation.
she arrived at hospital around 9:30. still don't know if she was breathing on her own then or not.
if not. why wait to 2 hours to put her on respirator ??? because 2 hours later is when she went on respirator.
i sat with her. kept telling her i love her...
when i asked if she could hear me while on respirator, doctors said "yes".
how could this be?
45 minutes later.. doctors said we had the option to put keep her on respirator. said she would be a vegtable. and brain was dead. (she was only on 45 minutes)
or take her off and let her die.
we chose to take her off. she stopped breathing on her own 10 mins later.
should we have waited to take her off respirator.????
Last edited by Rainbow Connection; 02-24-2012 at 11:26 AM..
Reason: change title
Firstly I'm sorry about your mother I went through a similar situation with my stepfather years ago . We thought he would die within mins of taking him off of life support and it ended up taking 2 days and him waking up several times. It was horrific and tramatizing to say the least..
The brain cells will begin to die less in less than 5 mins after not recieving oxygen. After that usually you're talking severe brain damage (severe mental retardation/vegitative state) . People have been knowing to revive after 20 mins without oxygen but only in cases usually where they are submerged in things like a frozen lake after falling through the ice. As far as it being the right choice I can't answer that , thats a personal decision. Altho if it was ME in that situation (and I have been in a similar one) then yes it would have been the right choice for me to make. Being it only took 10 mins for her to stop breathing off the ventilator tells me she was infact brain dead or it was highly damaged and would have been on the breathing machine the rest of her life .
I am so sorry about your mother. I just want to tell you to try not to second guess yourself and the doctor's decisions. Don't beat yourself up. What happened is what happened and it's just made worse if you doubt yourself. No amount of second guessing will change what happened. Try to accept it. It's all you can do. I know this from experience with my dad.
I am so sorry about your mother. I just want to tell you to try not to second guess yourself and the doctor's decisions. Don't beat yourself up. What happened is what happened and it's just made worse if you doubt yourself. No amount of second guessing will change what happened. Try to accept it. It's all you can do. I know this from experience with my dad.
I am sorry for your loss OP. I agree with the above. Celebrate her life and one day you will find comfort in the memories you have. God bless your family!
Rainbow Connection........I,m sorry you lost your mom...I can only imagine your pain...and the anguish of not knowing if what you did for her was the right thing......Part of the grieving process is anger...it's very hard when you feel more could have been done.....I lost a friend, and went through the stage of anger (woundering why, why)..it still brings tears to my eyes....the only relief from the pain of loss was when I finally accepted it...there's nothing more you can do Rainbow Connection...and though it's hard...after some time you will (like myrc60)has said...find comfort in your memories....realize there was nothing more you could do..........let all the doubt and anger go...and celebrate her life.
I agree with the others . . . You made the right decision; it is what most of us would want our loved ones to do on our behalf if put in the same circumstances.
I am so sorry for your loss, but rest assured that you were looking out for your mother's best interests. She is at peace now . . . and time to celebrate her life and the good memories you have of times together.
As the others have said, taking her off the respirator was the best --- and kindest --- thing you could do for her.
I suspect that the doctors only used the ventilator for that short time to give everyone an opportunity to come to grips with the situation. They also used that time to evaluate her condition so they could tell you that keeping her on the ventilator was not going to allow her to recover. It is hard to know why they chose the time they did to start the ventilator. She may have been breathing on her own, but ineffectively, due to her emphysema. Someone may have been breathing for her with a hand-operated bag. Her condition may have just gone downhill over the time between her arrival in the hospital and the time she was placed on the ventilator.
Doctors do encourage family members to talk to people who are unconscious. The ones who recover do sometimes remember hearing what was said.
So you have nothing to feel guilty about. My condolences to you and your family.
My dad was in very poor health..........then.......had a massive bleeding stroke.
I guess the hospital wanted to scoop up on some of that gravy Medicare money.......wanted to keep him alive......so he could recover and be a vegetable.....haha, nope......told them to pull the plug.
If your mom would have lived....well, let me just say.....there would have been very little if any quality of life...........as in diapers and spoon-feedings.
Not too many years ago, your mother would have been pronouced dead when she arrived at the ER. But now, thanks to inventions, and liability suits, a patient can be kept alive for much longer.
So, yes, you did the right thing. You let nature take it's course. Someone that can't breathe, can't live. Everything else was artificial.
This is a good lesson for all of us. Make sure your children know how you would feel if you were treated in a similar way. The death rate is still 100%. It can only be postponed, usualy with horrible results.
You did the kind and loving thing. I am sure that you mother knows and appreciates your decision.
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