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Hi. I apologize for starting a new thread. I would have posted it in a previous thread but it was closed. So I have had a lifelong pull towards Judaism. Lately, I made good on what used to be wishful thinking and actually had a meeting with a rabbi. Unlike others with the community I have spoken to that seemed very welcoming, he seemed nice but also slightly skeptical. I admit I had a hard time reading him. I expected questions but he only had a few, and overall seemed in a hurry, which I can understand.
Now he's part of a reform congregation, and as I understand, they don't do a lot of discouraging of hopeful converts. Is it normal to feel slightly unwelcome during this process? I was invited to his class this weekend, and intend to go, I just admit I felt more confused than enlightened by this initial short meeting. I was hoping maybe others could tell me this is just a normal part of the process.
Is it normal to feel slightly unwelcome during this process?
I think it is good that you felt "slightly unwelcome".
There are many stories about religious people (almost never Jewish, by the way) who give a very warm welcome to new people and entice them to join their group. Once they suck them into their group, they control them and get them to do their bidding.
The most egregious example of this was Jim Jones, a religious leader of some sort in California. He enticed people to join his group, led them to some place in South America, and convinced about 1000 of them to commit suicide.
My guess is that you are very safe dealing with Rabbis, but please be careful if you get involved with other types of groups.
Hi. I apologize for starting a new thread. I would have posted it in a previous thread but it was closed. So I have had a lifelong pull towards Judaism. Lately, I made good on what used to be wishful thinking and actually had a meeting with a rabbi. Unlike others with the community I have spoken to that seemed very welcoming, he seemed nice but also slightly skeptical. I admit I had a hard time reading him. I expected questions but he only had a few, and overall seemed in a hurry, which I can understand.
Now he's part of a reform congregation, and as I understand, they don't do a lot of discouraging of hopeful converts. Is it normal to feel slightly unwelcome during this process? I was invited to his class this weekend, and intend to go, I just admit I felt more confused than enlightened by this initial short meeting. I was hoping maybe others could tell me this is just a normal part of the process.
Something you might want to keep in mind is that Judaism is a non-proselytizing religion; while we do accept converts, we don't seek them and do often question why they wish to go through it. I don't have much experience with the Reform Movement, but my rabbi did actively try to turn me away; even after the process was done and I was preparing for the biet din, he reiterated that I was putting a target on mine and my family's backs for the rest of our lives in choosing to become Jewish. And that was echoed by the biet din.
Hi all. Sorry it took me so long to respond, life just got a little hectic. I still haven't gone to the class due to various real life issues (the class is at a kind of wonky time). On top of that, the rabbi did not respond to my last, very short e-mail. I'm just raking my brain if I said or did anything inappropriate but I can't for the life of me think what it would be. They're a very small congregation, so this might have something to do with it. I've decided that I'm going to make a concentrated effort to go next weekend and probably find out that everything is fine and that I'm welcome. So far I've pretty much only interacted with the rabbi. I think he's just an eccentric personality, he would close his eyes a lot while speaking, sometimes for 5 minutes at a time, so I think I'm just misinterpreting him. A few years ago I was looking into converting to Christianity (much against my will) since my then fiance thought her parents required it. They were excessively forthcoming and would spam me with e-mails and correspondence, much like what Hiker45 is referring to. I guess this is just the polar opposite and probably a good thing. Maybe the rabbi felt like I was not very committed and wants to see me commit before giving a warm(er) welcome?
I still haven't gone to the class due to various real life issues
...before giving a warm(er) welcome...
...food for thought....that a part of you is resisting, and seriously not enthusiastic....that is valuable information to pay attention to. It is more important to be honest with yourself about your feelings. I don't understand why you would want to force yourself to do this, but it is valuable to explore within, and honor what you find.
What if there never is a "warmer welcome" ? That was something i have had to come to terms with, and I've been going to shul for 7+ years now. I go there to learn how to live a Jewish life and build a strong connection to God. Part of that is being active in a Jewish community. But there will be people you deeply connect with, and people who drive you nuts. Just like school, just like work, just like family. There may never be a "warmer welcome."
Best wishes to you.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 12-20-2015 at 11:05 AM..
They tried to discourage me also years ago. It didn't work. After about a year of regular services and classes, they no longer looked at me with that look of politeness intermingled with mild distrust. It won't happen overnight or even after 3-4 times. Good luck, if this is what you want. You'll have to earn the trust and respect by walking the walk.
Hi all. Sorry it took me so long to respond, life just got a little hectic. I still haven't gone to the class due to various real life issues (the class is at a kind of wonky time). On top of that, the rabbi did not respond to my last, very short e-mail. I'm just raking my brain if I said or did anything inappropriate but I can't for the life of me think what it would be. They're a very small congregation, so this might have something to do with it. I've decided that I'm going to make a concentrated effort to go next weekend and probably find out that everything is fine and that I'm welcome. So far I've pretty much only interacted with the rabbi. I think he's just an eccentric personality, he would close his eyes a lot while speaking, sometimes for 5 minutes at a time, so I think I'm just misinterpreting him. A few years ago I was looking into converting to Christianity (much against my will) since my then fiance thought her parents required it. They were excessively forthcoming and would spam me with e-mails and correspondence, much like what Hiker45 is referring to. I guess this is just the polar opposite and probably a good thing. Maybe the rabbi felt like I was not very committed and wants to see me commit before giving a warm(er) welcome?
It's his job to discourage you three times...This is not Christianity where you say a sinner's prayer and you're in like Flynn...There is a lot more to it...It is like becoming a citizen of a nation...
Good luck, if this is what you want. You'll have to earn the trust and respect by walking the walk.
well said, thanks for this 1+1
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