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I was raised Jewish growing up. I met my basheret at the end of University and we got engaged. I was shomer shabbat, Kosher, and observed the mitzvot.
My mother had a conversion because her grandmother was not Jewish before she married my father, even though she was raised Jewish.
With this in mind, I approached the Rabbinical Council about my situation without any doubt in my mind that I was Jewish.
Unfortunately, they found my evidence to be insignificant and I underwent a 2-year conversion under the auspices of a respected Rabbinical body. While it was not challenging for me to undergo the process, it took an emotional toll. I found the constant questioning of my identity and being treated like an outsider to be very hurtful.
Eventually my fiancee was brought into the process and she had to demonstrate her commitment to Judaism even though she was raised in a more strictly observant home than myself. During the process, I started to lose faith in our religious leaders and what it meant to be a Jew. I felt as though my entire identity was only seen through saying specific brachot or the extent to which I observe the mitzvot.
I eventually became disillusioned with the process.
I felt especially hurt the day I was dipped in the Mikvah. I felt like an imposter and humiliated to have to prove my Judaism. This was about 5 years ago.
I always viewed Judaism as unique and better than all the other religions. Having been through a long, arduous, and frankly unfair process of becoming a halachic Jew again, I no longer believe that today.
After the wedding, I found it difficult to go to synagogue or to participate in Jewish events. Even though our religion is supposed to embrace converts, we all know they are not treated as equals.
While there were so many aspects of Judaism that I loved: intellectual rigor, commitment to a moral life, and strong community, I no longer found joy in participating in any Jewish ritual or event.
I have stopped keeping Shabbat and only maintain a kosher home and eat dairy out. I hope to find a way to enjoy Judaism and to restore trust in our institutions and overcome my insecurity.
If it was not for my situation, I could approach and Rabbi and seek help. But if I no longer am observant, am I even a Jew now? What is my marriage? I feel alone and lost.
I would really appreciate any thoughts or advice on this topic and how to cope with this.
Thank you,
Shimon
It can seem like a check list, a test but they want to make sure youre serious about it. Sure they could take on any tom, dick or harry but they dont just want numbers, they want hearts.
I would try a different Shul. My conversion will take about a year and im already almost 6mo in! No strings attached, special things. Show up, learn, grow.
It can seem like a check list, a test but they want to make sure youre serious about it. Sure they could take on any tom, dick or harry but they dont just want numbers, they want hearts.
I would try a different Shul. My conversion will take about a year and im already almost 6mo in! No strings attached, special things. Show up, learn, grow.
This thread us about Orthodox conversion which is much more challenging than a Reform conversion as one needs to follow all the mitzvot etc.
This thread us about Orthodox conversion which is much more challenging than a Reform conversion as one needs to follow all the mitzvot etc.
yes we had considered Orthodox and it was very detailed... Oy!
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