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Good Rant!
I am a real estate appraiser and a building inspector for a local jurisdiction. I can tell you your not alone in your lament. I AM NOT an attorney but will offer up some advice; on Long Island just be under the assumption that you need a permit or c/o for EVERYTHING. If you want to change your existing boiler; need a permit. Central a/c; need a permit, etc...
You have a right to access the building files for the home you want to buy (fill out a short FOI form) and look at what permits have been applied for, issued and any open permits that may exist. This would be a great add on service for Home Inspectors, but I digress. If the original permit for the boiler is from 1965 and the boiler was installed in 2002 there was not a permit for the alteration. If the fuel service and boiler were changed, permits and inspections are required.
The problem is if you take title to the home you inherit all the responsibility of the home including all fines and penalties associated with not having the proper permits so research and knowledge is power. The realtor will not like a buyer with this knowledge as they may actually have to work.
There are some good realtors on Long Island but they are found by a good vetting process by the buyer: you. A good buyer broker may be an option as he/she is working for you. The traditional agent is working for the seller and is looking out for the best interest of the seller as opposed to the buyer broker who is looking out for the best interest of their client, the buyer; you.
Buying a home is one of the most stressful things that you will do, especially for the first time. Research is key and most information is readilly available on line like school district information, etc..
I could write a book with a thousand stories like yours. Take a breath and take the small steps and the rest will start falling into place.
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