Maine Humor

[msina]

Good un

[moughie]

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael, the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of
satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look, Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked
puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've
put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place
of balance." "Balance?", inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, "For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while
southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will
be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and
over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to
different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this
one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by
God's work, then pointed to a large land mass and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Maine, the most glorious place on earth. There are
beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets, and rolling hills. The people from Maine are
going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous and they are going to be found
traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and
high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats
and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then
proclaimed, "what about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm putting next to
them in New Hampshire, and Massachusetts."

from Mainah Jokes

[cebdark]

I just found this link. Gotta love Tim Sample.

This is good for Maine Jokes too (but no posting unless you get permission from the website owner).

Mod: I can post this link 'tho can't I?

Confused Are You

[moughie]

Originally Posted by reloop

I just found this link. Gotta love Tim Sample.


Confused Are You

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!

Thanks so much- you made my night!

[moughie]

Reloop,
I think you should post your awesome " Random Musings of Silliness"
on here! Your poem was awesome!

[moughie]

Courtesy of mainejokes.com!

Upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
Sep 28th, 2009 by Danonymous.
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, Golf 4.0, and Racing 3.6. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User

REPLY: Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING. It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support