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What's "sad" is that you asked a truly deep, legitimate question and the preponderance of responses have been to "take some drugs." Like that is the only answer and that your questions aren't even worth considering. Think about that for awhile. It is just insane.
Anyway, I resonate with your questions, a lot and agree life was fun as a kid and teen and that it often sucks to be an adult.
I do think there are happy people - people with causes and hobbies they love - people who "do stuff" seem to be happy.
Are you and introvert or extravert? Have you taken the Myer's-Briggs Inventory? It might help you. Have you looked into the Enneagram? Again, it might help you understand your temperament and personality.
Are you now doing work you love? Confucius supposedly said something along the lines that if you do work you love, you will never work a day in your life. I think that could be a good answer. Since you don't have a family yet, you can afford to take some risks. Is there a business you might like to start? Have you traveled? I would recommend you think of both of those things - and also think about how to make your daily life more satisfying - does it entail going out for coffee or lunch or dinner? Seeing a movie? Volunteering? Hiking? Spending time with animals? There are so many things to do with one's time.
Good luck.
I'm very interested in personality typing and have researched my MBTI type for awhile now. I'm a ISTJ with very heavy distribution on the S and the J. One thing I've noticed is that I often want to go out more and experience more things, but at the same time being an introvert really drains me quite a bit when I do go out and socialize in larger settings. I feel happiest as a homebody, but ironically also feel a guilt that I should be getting out more. Unfortunately, I don't always enjoy myself when I do go out.
Having a successful career and fulfilling job has always been one of my biggest ambitions. I had ambitions since being a little kid yet to work my "dream job". I spent my whole childhood and teenage years working towards it. Once I finally graduated, I landed an internship in the incredibly competitive field and even got promoted to a temp contractor. I thought it would only be a matter of time before getting the full-time job I wanted so bad. As an ISTJ type, stability is very important to me, so I naturally hated the spontaneity of my contract work, even if it was my dream job. Unfortunately, my career ambitions kind of fell flat. Despite tons, (AND I MEAN TONS) of effort looking for full-time work, I never got there. I was fortunate to work a very good string of temp contracts in the field, but it still wasn't enough. I even worked as a lead in one of the contracts for 2 years... not enough. I networked till I was blue in the face... not enough. I was laid off, unemployed, kicked to the curb multiple times despite my good resume. Not being able to go on with the struggle anymore, I'm currently unemployed right now (was laid off...) but enrolled back in school to change careers to HOPEFULLY a more stable career.
Like some other people have suggested, I tried to "force" myself to be happy, to think positively, but it just doesn't work that way! All I keep realizing is how everything I do really never makes me happy and I'm not sure what will. I am looking forward to starting a family with my wife in the near future, but who knows if that will be the fulfillment I'm looking for. It's definitely a philosophical question, but I think one worth pondering about.
Are you now doing work you love? Confucius supposedly said something along the lines that if you do work you love, you will never work a day in your life. I think that could be a good answer. Since you don't have a family yet, you can afford to take some risks. Is there a business you might like to start?
What small percentage of people can truly enjoy the luxury of doing work they love? And how many, spent untold number of years studying for a career, rang up tons of student debt, arrived at their goal, and discovered they had done a major miscalculation!
I work in a LTC/Rehab facility. Many a nurse, earlier, thought this was going to be the job of their dreams, only to find out it was the job of their nightmares.
I love doing massage, but I found out 20+ years ago, a recession will have you begging in the streets to supplement your income. So, I work a job I somewhat enjoy (there are moments!) and a job I love, very part time.
So good luck achieving your Confucian dream!
If ever there was a candidate for anti-depressants, that's me! They were prescribed to me 35 years ago, and have steadfastly refused to take any since. And what's so wrong with displaying your emotions, anyway, and scaring people away! Those who you don't scare away, those are the people you want in your life!
I'm very interested in personality typing and have researched my MBTI type for awhile now. I'm a ISTJ with very heavy distribution on the S and the J. One thing I've noticed is that I often want to go out more and experience more things, but at the same time being an introvert really drains me quite a bit when I do go out and socialize in larger settings. I feel happiest as a homebody, but ironically also feel a guilt that I should be getting out more. Unfortunately, I don't always enjoy myself when I do go out.
Having a successful career and fulfilling job has always been one of my biggest ambitions. I had ambitions since being a little kid yet to work my "dream job". I spent my whole childhood and teenage years working towards it. Once I finally graduated, I landed an internship in the incredibly competitive field and even got promoted to a temp contractor. I thought it would only be a matter of time before getting the full-time job I wanted so bad. As an ISTJ type, stability is very important to me, so I naturally hated the spontaneity of my contract work, even if it was my dream job. Unfortunately, my career ambitions kind of fell flat. Despite tons, (AND I MEAN TONS) of effort looking for full-time work, I never got there. I was fortunate to work a very good string of temp contracts in the field, but it still wasn't enough. I even worked as a lead in one of the contracts for 2 years... not enough. I networked till I was blue in the face... not enough. I was laid off, unemployed, kicked to the curb multiple times despite my good resume. Not being able to go on with the struggle anymore, I'm currently unemployed right now (was laid off...) but enrolled back in school to change careers to HOPEFULLY a more stable career.
Like some other people have suggested, I tried to "force" myself to be happy, to think positively, but it just doesn't work that way! All I keep realizing is how everything I do really never makes me happy and I'm not sure what will. I am looking forward to starting a family with my wife in the near future, but who knows if that will be the fulfillment I'm looking for. It's definitely a philosophical question, but I think one worth pondering about.
If you're interested in personality systems, as long as you are bored right now, it could be a great time to check on the Enneagram. I think you would get a lot of insight into yourself once you type yourself . . . I am guessing there might be a Five component in there - strictly a guess - you really haven't posted enough for me to really know.
Since you know you are an introvert, that can really help you in your job search. What kind of work was your dream job work that you were unable to make a go of?
What's "sad" is that you asked a truly deep, legitimate question and the preponderance of responses have been to "take some drugs." Like that is the only answer and that your questions aren't even worth considering. Think about that for awhile. It is just insane.
Anyway, I resonate with your questions, a lot and agree life was fun as a kid and teen and that it often sucks to be an adult.
I do think there are happy people - people with causes and hobbies they love - people who "do stuff" seem to be happy.
Are you and introvert or extravert? Have you taken the Myer's-Briggs Inventory? It might help you. Have you looked into the Enneagram? Again, it might help you understand your temperament and personality.
Are you now doing work you love? Confucius supposedly said something along the lines that if you do work you love, you will never work a day in your life. I think that could be a good answer. Since you don't have a family yet, you can afford to take some risks. Is there a business you might like to start? Have you traveled? I would recommend you think of both of those things - and also think about how to make your daily life more satisfying - does it entail going out for coffee or lunch or dinner? Seeing a movie? Volunteering? Hiking? Spending time with animals? There are so many things to do with one's time.
Good luck.
Yes, a life filled with purpose is a happier life.
I'm a middle-aged woman, an ISFJ. I've been married and divorced twice.
When I can't stand being in the world and living in the present, I go toward the past, but in a productive way: I took up genealogy as a hobby, and now I'm completely addicted. I got a subscription to Ancestry.com, started with myself and my parents, and it gives me hours of productive fascination to keep looking back to find out where my ancestors came from. Since you're young, you likely have family members to interview, and I mean seriously interview. Get all the photos and letters you can, and ask them EVERYTHING. Bother them. You might kick yourself later if you don't.
Try it out as a project, and if you don't like it, start something else that you can do at home that will take hours of your time like building an online portfolio (choose two careers; one in contracting and another in something else altogether). Go to AllExperts Questions & Answers and look through each category. You can likely qualify as an expert in at least one or more fields. Then, start taking questions. This counts as "work experience," and it's especially good because you do it on a volunteer basis. Employers appreciate that.
Then, at the same time, if your work can at all be done on a freelance basis at home, sign up on one or two of the many websites (Guru, Elance, Odesk are the top three that come to mind) and hang out your shingle. You get to bid on jobs; employers come to YOU. Research all of this to determine what you should charge and all the other particulars unique to your field(s). Again, don't limit yourself; in my mid-20s, I still wanted to pursue two careers but worked full-time in one (in the Reagan years, the '80s, when jobs were abundant). Later, I parlayed some of that experience into a related field and started a second career. I've nearly always had something bringing in income "on the side." They can be related or vastly different.
I can't tell you how to handle your personal life, but if it were me and I thought of starting a family at your age but still felt this sense of blank emptiness, I'd hold off until I got my bearings again. It's culture shock. You married early in life, and suddenly, you're an adult. That feels weird. It shocked me, and I was 28 when I married. When you become a parent, you'll have about a thousand more "adult" responsibilities, so put yourself first now for your wife and future children.
Recreation-wise, if you can play anything even halfway strategic, it helps keep your mind sharp. Learn a language or how to play chess if you don't know. Play pool or table tennis. Get very good at it or anything else you can think of, because that automatically enhances your confidence. If you can't play guitar, buy a second-hand acoustic, get a Mel Bay chord book and a basic how-to video and teach yourself. Or pick up any other instrument. Or sing, if you can sing. Do YouTube videos on a subject of your choice if you don't already.
Make lists of things you want to do, places you'd like to go. Then make lists of the things/jobs you'd never want to have to do and places you'd never want to go. Then ask yourself why on each one.
Also wanted to add, because you asked, that I don't feel particularly happy, but I think I'm content. I disliked most of my jobs because they were boring, even though they were jobs I had always wanted. Life isn't awful to me, but it has been awful for days on end. Mostly, it's been meaningful in very small doses, and that counts for a lot to me. I also have chronic, major depression and anxiety, and I've been on medication for 20 years. I had to try four different medications before my system adjusted to the "right" ones. They do help.
Working is boring sometimes, and sometimes for long periods, but there's always lunch, and usually something funny happens at least once a day. I think EVERYONE pretty much hates to work, at least some percent of the time.
Hi, the grimace, you asked about any side effects when I took an anti depressant for 6 months.
Lower libido.
Was it worth it?
Oh my Gosh, yes.
There were no reasons, what so ever, for my depression...everything
in my life was right on! This sudden change was not "me". This depression
was over a year long. No one recognized me anymore.
As far as enjoying life, being happy and content...they are my most important priorities.
I don't tolerate any unhappiness bec I know now we are meant to be happy.
If even a whiff of unhappiness enters my head...I know it is because of stinkin' thinkin'.
One thought has the power to spiral a person into a pit of many unwanted, unproductive, useless
emotions.
I can not talk about it in this psychology thread...but my happiness and enjoyment of
most everything is because of understanding how the Universe works now and who I am
in relationship to God.....See? I shouldn't talk about spiritual things in this section....but good luck
being happy without knowing who you are and what you were created for...really knowing we have a fountain
of joy inside us. (I'm not Christian, per se, either.)
Now, one sentence or paragraph of truth from the right author or teacher or mystic poet
fills my heart with clarity...and clarity of mind makes me extremely happy.
From a non spiritual take, I would read Dr. Wayne Dyer's books like "Excuses Begone"
or his many others, I think "The Power of Intention" is one....to get your power back.
Getting your power back is very important, imo....I refuse to be lead around by
stupid, useless thoughts...when I can be in control of them.
It is MY choice where I place my focus...all around me I can find something to be happy about...
It could be simple, like, "Oh boy, can't wait to read that book or oh boy, I have 6 Seasons
of DVDs to watch."
A rise of enthusiasm inside me puts me right onto the continued path of enjoyment....
NOT the spiralling pit of depression anymore.
It is truly a choice I see now....and I have the power to chose.
I love my job , not "everyone" hates to work.. but I like cleaning the house, too.
I made the choice over 30 years ago to do what I like...like everyday it's my birthday
and MY day to do whatever I want.
So, if I must go to the DMV, I bring a book...I include a side trip to my favorite store.
How easy is that to change a lemon into lemonade?
It's all about choices in my opinion.
I could choose to be depressed or bummed...right now this second...I could come up
with a few people to think about and things they've said very inappropriately and hurtful.
Sure.
I could fill my head with worries and fears and bad memories, too.
Why would I do that?
Been there...see where it leads...it goes into a pit of USELESS, life
destroying depression...so I banish stupid thoughts, yes stupid thoughts.
Been there.
Last edited by Miss Hepburn; 03-07-2014 at 05:32 AM..
My husband has been depressed before. It's hard to live with him when he's like that. The first time, he quit talking at all for nearly a month. I packed up his stuff and told him he could go on back home if it would make him feel better, or we could go to the doctor and get him some help. He didn't go to a doctor, but he made an effort to function more normally after that and he got over it in time. The second time, he totally quit eating and he would call me while he was at work and just scream at me. He was having panic attacks too. I was pregnant then and it went on through the whole pregnancy. After I had the baby, he was still horrible for another year. He would follow me around the house and corner me in the bathroom and tell me everything that he was mad about. After that I told him I couldn't live with him that way, and he went to the doctor and got Prozac. He took it for a week and then stopped because of the sexual side effects...he said that was the one thing in his life that was working right and the pills killed it. But then he changed jobs and he started to calm down and mellow out. It's been almost 9 years since his last bad time. I know it will probably happen again at some point.
Anyhow, my reason for sharing this was to tell you how it can feel from the spouse's point of view. You might ask your wife what she thinks you should do, and how your depression is affecting her. She may have some insights gained by living with you on a daily basis that might be helpful.
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