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It can be complicated, you don't reach an age where you just know everything about yourself. There are stories of older women turning gay, or simply thinking about it, kinda like Roseanne Conners mother, all those years, then suddenly she's gay.
i was just wondering, because i figured people know their sexuality in there teens and whatnot
you just used the phrase "turning gay" so are you saying that someone that is straight can turn gay? or was the person always gay but resisted it
Ace, I certainly think that those with gay feelings start to question it when they are around 12 or so and many times they think they have a choice, but as you can see, the issue never really goes away. And for men it's even more difficult b/c the penis gets very picky at around 50.
I'm a 54 year old woman. I've been married most of my adult life, most recently for 20 years to a great guy. We are best friends and we do love each other but not like most married couples who are "in love" with each other. The stresses of life, our opposite work schedules, and his health issues have made intimacy impossible for about the last 10 years and that is what probably caused the change in our relationship. Ever since I can remember, I've had an attraction to women but have never "gone there". I've never been unfaithful to my husband but now these feelings are becoming overwhelming. When I think about sex, I only think about women. Never men. Even when I see men and women kissing, it makes me feel sick. I'm old now. Why couldn't this have happened 30 years ago? I know of several female celebrities who have come out later in life but not sure how they knew they were really gay and not just disheartened with men. How does one know if they are really gay without physically being with someone of the same gender? I don't want to ruin my husband's life and my adult children's lives but this is killing me inside. Is there any way to know for sure before I ruin my marriage? How does an older woman trying to find out if she's lesbian meet someone, anyway? I don't think there are too many women out there that want to put themselves out there and possibly get hurt to see if someone else is serious about being a lesbian or just going through a phase. Serious advice please as this is a serious problem.
It's apparent you have deep hatred for men, possible exception for your probable soon to be ex husband. You are cheating him big time by staying because you are living a lie.
Why anyone would "feel sick" watching two people enjoying each other is very puzzling and something I cannot relate to. No different than straight bigots who feel that way toward gay people. Life is short and a connection with another human being is not easy for most people. Why you are so bothered by this is something that probably should be addressed.
The only "serious advice" I can offer is to find a good mental health professional ASAP.
John13, first I feel the need to clarify my statement about why seeing a man and woman kissing makes me feel sick. It's not because they themselves are kissing each other, it's because it brings about the thought of me kissing a man, and that is what makes me feel sick. How would that make me a bigot? I think straight people are fine. I think gay people are fine. I think whoever someone makes that special connection with is fine. Also, I don't hate men at all, I am just apparently not physically attracted to them any more. Thanks to all of you for your comments! By the way, could someone tell me why I posted this to the relationship forum and it got moved here? Am I to assume that being a lesbian is considered a mental issue? I must say I am a bit offended.
Last edited by O2bProzacFree; 05-13-2015 at 08:32 PM..
It happens. My best friend's mom came out in her 50s and a year later married a lovely older woman. She's happier than my friend has ever seen her but everything came as a HUGE shock to the family.
Her parents met in high school, got married in college, and took turns putting each other through their respective professional grad programs and then getting their careers set before they had kids. They were married for 35 years when financial issues started to break up the marriage. It was very strange - I was living with my best friend at the time and she was distraught because the two of them made well into the 6 figures each (her mother probably upwards of 200K) while living in a relatively low cost area with a paid off house. She couldn't understand why finances were causing the break up of a long marriage.
And then 2 years later, her mom came out. And it all became clear. Her mom, too, had always been attracted to women. Her father was the only man she ever dated and then ended up married to him. She loves him still, but never was attracted to him. They got married in the early 80s and that was just what you did. She really didn't even begin to question it until both the kids were in college and she had time to stop and breathe and think about her life.
Sexuality is fluid, but that doesn't mean its a choice. I hope by talking about homosexuality and bisexuality more and accepting it, more people feel comfortable accepting themselves at a younger age rather than marrying someone that they "should" but are not attracted to.
It happens. My best friend's mom came out in her 50s and a year later married a lovely older woman. She's happier than my friend has ever seen her but everything came as a HUGE shock to the family.
Her parents met in high school, got married in college, and took turns putting each other through their respective professional grad programs and then getting their careers set before they had kids. They were married for 35 years when financial issues started to break up the marriage. It was very strange - I was living with my best friend at the time and she was distraught because the two of them made well into the 6 figures each (her mother probably upwards of 200K) while living in a relatively low cost area with a paid off house. She couldn't understand why finances were causing the break up of a long marriage.
And then 2 years later, her mom came out. And it all became clear. Her mom, too, had always been attracted to women. Her father was the only man she ever dated and then ended up married to him. She loves him still, but never was attracted to him. They got married in the early 80s and that was just what you did. She really didn't even begin to question it until both the kids were in college and she had time to stop and breathe and think about her life.
Sexuality is fluid, but that doesn't mean its a choice. I hope by talking about homosexuality and bisexuality more and accepting it, more people feel comfortable accepting themselves at a younger age rather than marrying someone that they "should" but are not attracted to.
But why were their finances in trouble? You said her mom came out and it all became clear, I was waiting for you to say there was a secret kept woman somewhere or a lovenest to lead a secret gay life.
I'm so disappointed.
OP, I bet there are other issues in this marriage other than your lady attraction.
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