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Well, I shall stop my talking as I don't want to say something I shouldn't...take care and hope you accomplish what you set out to do. I'm not walking in your shoes.
Huh, okay.... thanks. Yeah unless someone has had binge eating disorder, it's impossible to understand. It's the most devastating, awful thing you can imagine.
You can be depressed and have problems no matter where you live. So moving or not moving is a choice you will have to make anyway. I'd make the move and take it easy, don't set too high a goal. Start out fresh and give people and the new place a chance. Then at least you've tried if it doesn't work out. You have family to fall back on, something some of us don't have. So keeping that in mind, I'd go for it and go live where you choose to live.
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Where ever you go, there you are. I wish we could move away from our problems! That would be awesome. That said, it doesn't mean you shouldn't move. People move all the time for a better quality of life. But you can't expect it to change you. You will still be there with all your baggage and struggles. Which includes the struggle you are having making friends (not uncommon after a major trauma...it isn't the city you are living in that makes you not have friends...no city can do that).
I know you are thinking really positive...and don't want to hear it. But be prepared for some of the same struggles you are having now. Be prepared for some adjustments, some difficult times. Be ready to get help if you need it.
You may get an awesome honeymoon period, busy and distracted by the move and excitement of a new place. That will be a nice respite.
You can be depressed and have problems no matter where you live. So moving or not moving is a choice you will have to make anyway. I'd make the move and take it easy, don't set too high a goal. Start out fresh and give people and the new place a chance. Then at least you've tried if it doesn't work out. You have family to fall back on, something some of us don't have. So keeping that in mind, I'd go for it and go live where you choose to live.
Thank you. I do realize that just moving in and of itself is not an all-around problem solver...I know it's not a magical fix by any means. But I was just hoping to hear of people like me, who've been through really hard stuff, and moved to a new place and found the happiness and fulfillment they needed to help them overcome grief/trauma/depression....etc. Again, not a magical fix, but here in Colorado I'm wholly unfulfilled, I don't like it here, I'm out of my mind with restlessness and I'm just bursting out my skin, wanting to start living again. It's been really difficult to do that here, because it's not where I want to be, doesn't have what I want in a city/place to live, and all that. I'm kind of rambling, but my point is I know it won't be a miracle to move somewhere and all of a sudden be healed and 100% again - but I feel like it has to help, because I'm literally tried EVERYTHING else....
Where ever you go, there you are. I wish we could move away from our problems! That would be awesome. That said, it doesn't mean you shouldn't move. People move all the time for a better quality of life. But you can't expect it to change you. You will still be there with all your baggage and struggles. Which includes the struggle you are having making friends (not uncommon after a major trauma...it isn't the city you are living in that makes you not have friends...no city can do that).
I know you are thinking really positive...and don't want to hear it. But be prepared for some of the same struggles you are having now. Be prepared for some adjustments, some difficult times. Be ready to get help if you need it.
You may get an awesome honeymoon period, busy and distracted by the move and excitement of a new place. That will be a nice respite.
I'm definitely prepared for some of the same struggles...as much as I wish it was a miracle fix, I know it's not. But at this point, my depression is coming entirely from not being fulfilled--not doing what I love in life (which I'll be doing in NYC), from my weight, and from not having an active and busy life like I had in Los Angeles. When I moved to LA, I had problems, but living there and losing weight and being busy and having friends and a great life helped me cure my depression. It was just so amazing and wonderful. I have a feeling that the same thing will happen when I move to NYC. I know it will be stressful, just like LA was at first, but ultimately moving to LA was the best thing I ever did for myself. The positives outweighed the negatives, and I really made a great life for myself. It still angers me that I had to leave that life, and all this crap happened to me, due to the abuse/assault by someone I loved and trusted. I've never had anything devastate me so much or have such long-lasting, horrible effects on me. I want to believe that starting a new life and never looking back will help me be happy again.
I had a horrific life change when I moved with my husband and 2 yr old from PA to So. Calif. I thought I had the greatest marriage. A couple yrs into living in So. Cal. my ex, now deceased husband, announced he didn't love me and was leaving me for his secretary. Talk about a major stress, I feel my shoulders tightening just talking about this. Here I am 3000 miles away from family with a 5 yr old... My first reaction was to pack up and go back to PA....I did not...my child had a father here and I wasn't going to take her from this experience nor he from being the father. I stuck it out and made friends, worked, raised my child, dealt with the ex thing...long long story...
For me I can truthfully say my challenges has made me a stronger person and one has to go thru a lot of grief often to get to a better place.
And I was restless and thought about a move and at one point took a transfer to San Jose and stayed up there for 5 yrs, but came back to the Energy of Santa Monica. And warmer weather..
Often people need to make a move and often realize what they left.
I was in a sales position for some years, and 5 yrs outside sales which took me to NYC for meetings with corporate and as vibrant as NYC is, I could not believe the fast pace of it all. I love the laid back life in So. Cal. Take care.
I'm definitely prepared for some of the same struggles...as much as I wish it was a miracle fix, I know it's not. But at this point, my depression is coming entirely from not being fulfilled--not doing what I love in life (which I'll be doing in NYC), from my weight, and from not having an active and busy life like I had in Los Angeles. When I moved to LA, I had problems, but living there and losing weight and being busy and having friends and a great life helped me cure my depression. It was just so amazing and wonderful. I have a feeling that the same thing will happen when I move to NYC. I know it will be stressful, just like LA was at first, but ultimately moving to LA was the best thing I ever did for myself. The positives outweighed the negatives, and I really made a great life for myself. It still angers me that I had to leave that life, and all this crap happened to me, due to the abuse/assault by someone I loved and trusted. I've never had anything devastate me so much or have such long-lasting, horrible effects on me. I want to believe that starting a new life and never looking back will help me be happy again.
Are you sure it cured you from your depression or just distracted you from feeling? People with trauma issues often keep super busy and can outrun their anxiety or depression...for a while. And then it catches up. And its like...what the heck? I was so active and life was so great. Then look for a cause...blame it on that. When really, we just ran out of energy to run.
I just thought of you...hearing a commentary on NPR about the tighter than ever affordable apts in NYC...I knew they were expensive many yrs ago for a walk in closet but this commentary said worse than ever...it pushes people to brooklyn and queens for something under $3000. There is a glut of high priced apts in the $8500/mo area in NYC.
As someone who has a similar diagnosis I can promise you, a new city will not fix this. It sounds like you're trying everything but therapy. I would strongly suggest a therapist, and you need to commit to it.
Getting mentally healthy is not easy, you can find any number of reasons to blame it on, but at the end of the day it's just you.
If you can't be happy inside, with who you are, I don't think it matters much where you live. I honestly don't know of a single person with mental health problems who recovered by moving. If anything I know a few what it made it worse.
As someone who has a similar diagnosis I can promise you, a new city will not fix this. It sounds like you're trying everything but therapy. I would strongly suggest a therapist, and you need to commit to it.
Getting mentally healthy is not easy, you can find any number of reasons to blame it on, but at the end of the day it's just you.
If you can't be happy inside, with who you are, I don't think it matters much where you live. I honestly don't know of a single person with mental health problems who recovered by moving. If anything I know a few what it made it worse.
I guess you missed my post where I said I've been seeing a psychologist for the past almost-year. Didn't help much - and he was a great psychologist, I really liked him, and he helped as much as he could. But overall, it hasn't helped.
I'm an extremely self-aware person--I know myself very, very well, and I know deep down that as of now, my depression and unhappiness are DIRECTLY being caused by the fact that I am completely unfulfilled, not doing what I love, and that I'm without any friends or social life whatsoever. I never intended to stay in Colorado, I'm anxious to get on with my life and do what I love and LIVE again. Anyone would be depressed if they were in my shoes, as my psychologist put it, in more or less words. And I don't have a social life or friends here because when I first moved here, I was in such a horrible state, depressed and filled with shame, that there was no way I could or would go out and meet people. It just wasn't what I could do then.
I don't mean this rudely to anyone whatsoever, but I guess I should know better to ask total strangers about something so personal, only because it's impossible to explain everything so people completely understand. I just posted here asking if anyone could relate or had gone through anything similar, but I guess not.
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