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I still talk to Mike about other things, and we will likely play golf next weekend, but I guess at this point I have to let it go yet again.
What do you mean "let it go yet again"? If I had a friend so determined to remain in denial about something harmful they do I would probably tell them I am no longer willing or able to watch them self destruct. No more life as usual (such as golf). If life with them just continues, in a way you are complicit. Just talking about this over and over again obviously isn't enough. There's no follow through, no consequences for refusing to face the music. If knowing they'll lose a friend over it means anything to them it might make a dent. If not, there's nothing I can do to save them. Don't get me wrong. Of course I don't want to lose someone I care about and I'll grieve them. It will be like a death...but some ways that's already happening.
What do you mean "let it go yet again"? If I had a friend so determined to remain in denial about something harmful they do I would probably tell them I am no longer willing or able to watch them self destruct. No more life as usual (such as golf). If life with them just continues, in a way you are complicit. Just talking about this over and over again obviously isn't enough. There's no follow through, no consequences for refusing to face the music. If knowing they'll lose a friend over it means anything to them it might make a dent. If not, there's nothing I can do to save them. Don't get me wrong. Of course I don't want to lose someone I care about and I'll grieve them. It will be like a death...but some ways that's already happening.
Getting our other friends on board is more of an issue than telling Mike. Yes, Mike also thinks he’s “still working on learning when to cut myself off” but every time I bring up getting him to join AA to the rest of the group, they either don’t respond or don’t think it’s necessary. They also don’t want to tell his family in case we get in trouble with him, and Jay has already told me not to tell Mike about his disclosure to me about last night’s events. They’re being wimps and just not direct. If I had had to deal with Mike literally falling down, making a scene at the bar, and having to get the paramedics and police involved last night, I wouldn’t have just gone out to breakfast with him this morning as if nothing had happened the way Jay did.
I hope you know by now that your friend has alcohol dependence. At this point, I'm fairly sure he's either in a state of intoxication or withdrawal egging him on to drink more (the hair of the dog that bit you). Unfortunately this pattern could go forward, waxing and waning for years before something drastic happens that prompts your friend to get help. In the meantime, as drug/alcohol addicts do, he could hurt many people along the way.
The point you need to remember is that you can't "recover" for him. He has to want to stop drinking and acknowledge mostly to himself, that he can't drink alcohol. With his genetics, his brain is hard wired for addiction and with that said, there is no in between. So, in my opinion, at your young age, you should consider moving on with your life, surrounding yourself with healthy people and taking care of yourself, you can't take care of Mike indefinitely. Only he can do that. If you'd said your piece with him, that's all you can do. To just keep repeating yourself, "bailing him out", "covering for him", taking care of him when he's sick/drunk, making excuses for him, etc., will not help him AT ALL. He's digging a very deep hole for himself and he will eventually fall in and lose function, he could possibly pull you down with him if you're not careful. The red alert signal should be going off in your head that this guy could cause you harm, unexpectedly, and most likely unintentionally. To protect yourself from possibly harmful people is just smart, and should not cause you any guilt, but Mike, like addicts do, will pile on the guilt and manipulate you if he can. He may need money, he may need housing, he may need bailed out of jail, or any other number of uses for you. That's not what friends are for when you're talking about chronic alcohol dependence. Short term caring and concern are typical but you should have limits and boundaries to protect yourself if he is unresponsive and takes no action to get help.
So as sad as it might be for you, you can't save him, you can't recover for him, and you can't spend your time taking care of him AT THIS POINT. Move on with your own life and be well. You are not responsible for him. He will use you to support his habit in any number of ways as things get worse for him. Eventually, he will drink before work and get fired, he may get a DUI or several DUI's or worse, and keep drinking. Denial is a strong defense and difficult to penetrate if he doesn't want you to. It sounds like you have already been a good friend despite his alcohol abuse, and it's time to take care of yourself before you become more at risk from consequences that he could cause you.
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