My biggest down fall is being lonely (make, pain, feeling)
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I agree the the older you get the harder it is to make new friends. I lost so many friends over the years they have kids and/or get married or relationships we grow apart for reasons etc. I have been lucky to make newer friends and keep in touch with a few friends who moved out of state.
Do you have facebook (Meta) are you still friends with people from college? Join some local pages on facebook and see what going on around town.
Maybe getting a "Fun" night job and work a few hours (Bar/Restaurant or retail store) maybe you can meet some people there.
College classes? go to the next level of your degree?
Join the gym and start working out at the gym.
There are a lot of lonely people in the world so you're not alone. It sounds like you need more than someone to talk to, it sounds like you're looking for a love interest in your life. When you get to a certain age in your life, friends, family and just general socialization aren't enough. You've done all the preliminary work on yourself, and you're looking around thinking "is this all there is?" No, it's not all there is.
I hesitate in making this suggestion because it can be a Pandora's box of danger, pain and rejection, but high-end dating sites can be successful if you know how to negotiate them and go into it with the right mindset. You have to educate yourself and know that they're full of people who just want a sexual hook-up, fake profiles, opportunists (especially those seeking females), scammers, and people who just want to play games. But there are legitimate people who are seeking serious, monogamous, long-term relationships on line. You usually have to spend money to get anywhere, you can do your own research on the highest rated, safest, most vetted dating websites. Having said that, you have to expect rejection and decide before you ever join a dating service that you will not take it personally. It's a given that you will be rejected. There are plenty of articles that discourage people from dating websites citing an increase in depression, anxiety and hopelessness. If you have any kind of pre-existing mental health issues, you should avoid dating websites altogether.
If you're very lonely, you'll be vulnerable to a handsome, smooth talking man (or woman for that matter) so you have to guard against that. If it seems too good to be true, it is. You can also establish right up front that the person you're talking to is not: overseas, in the military overseas, a non-US citizen, someone looking for help with a VISA or VISA sponsorship, or someone who says they "love you" quickly and want to move in with you but need financial help to come meet you and beware of extremely handsome people that look like their pictures were professionally taken-these are all big red flags. When you detect that someone wants something from you other than a relationship, be prepared to move on. Most higher end dating sites coach you about what to avoid and the danger signs of a scammer, and they verify the person's identity before they allow them to become a member. Once you've done your homework and decide you want to try it, you can search for someone that meets your criteria (and you should establish criteria before ever embarking on a dating website), someone that is within striking distance, and someone that is willing to exchange messages for months to feel them out and see where it goes. Resist the temptation to meet in person too quickly and make sure it's a public neutral place, not your place, not their place. If the time comes that you have met someone, you've exchanged messages for months, you have met in person and the chemistry seems to be there, and you start talking about embarking on a relationship with this person, you should insist on a full battery of STD/STI testing. Most public health centers offer comprehensive testing and do it for free. Don't take someone's word for it, and insist on seeing the test results for yourself. If they're not willing to do that, move on. If they are truly interested in a relationship with you, they'll do it, and they may ask you to do it also and you should be willing to undergo the same testing even though you highly doubt there are any health issues for yourself. It's a safety issue that usually both parties are interested in knowing about. The more hoops someone is willing to jump through for you, the more trust can be built between 2 people.
If this sounds interesting, research the dos and don'ts of dating websites, the pitfalls, signs of a red flag, etc. There's a wealth of information from legitimate sources that offer this kind of education, and many reviews from legitimate sources about the pros and cons of various dating websites. Dating websites have become mainstream and the #1 way people meet each other. But you must know what you're doing and educate yourself before ever joining one.
I feel for you. I think society would say that lonliness is probably up there w/ one of the worst feelings in the world. I personally don't get lonely. I honestly don't. I guess some people never get used to not having friends/people around if they're used to having all that before.
I'm an only child & never really had friends my entire life. I was never part of a group of friends EVER. I never went away to college...always still live at home w/ parents during the college yrs & that was fine w/ me. I don't know what it feels like to ever go out w/ a group of friends on a Fri or Sat night. Heck, I never really regularly talked w/ anyone on the phone at all...except a boyfriend. I had a pal here & there at a few different times in my life & the few to several or so times we met up, it was just the two of us (since it was never a group). Looking back, I literally had 5 pals in my life (& none of them knew each other), but I know I wasn't best friends w/ any of them. They had their own (much closer) friends too whom I never knew. Other than family get togethers, I've never been to a party in my entire adult life. I never knew that many people to throw one or go to one. That's just how my life went.
However, I have had a SO since I was 18, but they were good guys, so it wasn't just some guy just to have so I wasn't alone. I can stand alone. The boyfriends I had, I met them both at whatever work I had at the time. The 5 pals I've had, I met through school, work, or believe it or not, jury duty once.
That's the story of my life & what I mean is that I don't personally think my life is lonely, but others would probably say so if I told them how my social life has been.
Another thing I hear/read people say is that, "to have a friend, you have to be a friend." I know I make a good friend. It's if I ever meet one & I never tried to seek them out like volunteer somewhere or go to meet-up groups, etc. My motto always was, "Friends are nice, but I don't need them to be happy."
I truly don't know what advice to give someone on how not to be lonely. I don't know if a person can truly ever get used to solitude if they never used to have that before. I guess just get involved w/ activities so you meet people.
Basically same story here. I've had 3 LTRs but no close girlfriends. Just the way my life worked out.
I was single for 5 years in between those and believe me, I kept VERY busy. 3 jobs, and a couple hours of outdoor exercise: every day cross-country skiing and walking the neighborhood 2 miles a day. If I was home alone, which I almost never was, I DID get lonely so I made sure to keep busy. I met many men on Match.com but that was ages ago. A date from there did lead indirectly to my now-husband.
This situation might be one where work-from-home is a detriment, yet I wouldn't want to be forced to be close to others while this plague is going on. So I suggest getting outdoor and spending lots of time there doing whatever is available in your area.
If you're not a "joiner" or a volunteer-type (I'm not either) you have to get creative and get OUT there. Even if you're by yourself, it's a vast improvement on sitting home alone.
I've joined a couple Zoom groups (out of my comfort zone but I need the interaction) through my church, and also got some counseling from the online church.
Basically same story here. I've had 3 LTRs but no close girlfriends. Just the way my life worked out.
I was single for 5 years in between those and believe me, I kept VERY busy. 3 jobs, and a couple hours of outdoor exercise: every day cross-country skiing and walking the neighborhood 2 miles a day. If I was home alone, which I almost never was, I DID get lonely so I made sure to keep busy. I met many men on Match.com but that was ages ago. A date from there did lead indirectly to my now-husband.
This situation might be one where work-from-home is a detriment, yet I wouldn't want to be forced to be close to others while this plague is going on. So I suggest getting outdoor and spending lots of time there doing whatever is available in your area.
If you're not a "joiner" or a volunteer-type (I'm not either) you have to get creative and get OUT there. Even if you're by yourself, it's a vast improvement on sitting home alone.
I've joined a couple Zoom groups (out of my comfort zone but I need the interaction) through my church, and also got some counseling from the online church.
Yes, it's something something how life goes for certain people. As long as we're as content as possible, right?!
I have used meetup for sure. I used it pre pandemic (even like 10 years ago) for book clubs and the like.
When we moved, I used it again and have done several activities with them. I have found that it's often repetitive meetings that fosters some connection. The thing that is very good with meetup is that it's generally quite random but about some common interest or activity. It takes some work looking through but I have also found out about some interesting places and activities that even if I don't do with a meetup group- are good and fun.
Every bit of connection is a good thing.
I've used Meetup just to find groups to hike with in areas where it would be risky for me to hike alone (unfamiliar, wilderness area, etc.) -- not to make friends, necessarily. But I made a few... It can happen! However, it's more about sharing hobbies than "hooking up," per se.
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