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My husband does'nt know because for years he has gone to bed a little earlier than I. He knows we have vodka in the house but does not pay any attention to the amount left, that it's the 4th bottle that looks the same, etc. He knows that I drink but not that it's an every night thing.
A few months ago while in an office waiting room I read an article in a women's magazine about a mother of young children whose drinking increased dramatically and her husband wasn't aware of it. I can't find the link but this woman's story is interesting. Crossing the Line: Female Alcohol Addiction and Abuse: A Slippery Slope
Not all alcoholics hide their drinking or feel any shame as a result of it. Our alcoholic family member never hid his drinking and was open about his consumption. The problem with defining an alcoholic is that we can't. They don't all fall into specific categories.
I disagree. We cannot determine when another person feels shame. Shame is when I judge me and guilt is when you judge me. Some folks may drink with impunity because they feel they are doing all they can to not hurt others by their drinking or to be as independent as they can with regards to their life choices.
I can determine whether I think another person is alcoholic or not based on the definition A.A. gives, which is very simple; The A.A. book was written by alcoholics for alcoholics. It's not a mystery nor was it meant to be. An alcoholic is one who cannot control the amount they drink once they start and they cannot keep themselves away from the first drink based on what's right, necessary, how they feel about it, what's rational, etc. Whether a person feels guilt or shame or whatever does not determine how they will behave with regards to alcohol anyway. A bad alcoholic may feel a lot of shame and use booze to deal with it. Meanwhile, folks who still care about the alcoholic or show concern for him/her for whatever motive will judge that person by their actions with regards to the consumption of booze.
Now, what I cannot do is convince someone else that they are alcoholic or not. Within alcoholism, there is a thin line between alcoholic and hard drinker. There are some things that only the drinker can know for sure with regards to their own history. I believe that there is a continuum down the line of stage 1 alcoholic to the higher stages of alcoholic as is discussed in the book Under The Influence.
I think that most would agree that once you cross the line, there's no turning back. Not so for hard drinkers. They can do one of two things the real alcoholic cannot; either control the amount or stop and stay stopped on their own power.
Whether a person feels guilt or shame or whatever does not determine how they will behave with regards to alcohol anyway.
You're right; you said it better than I. (Jus trying to dispel a myth our family had believed: that because someone hides his drinking, it does not mean that his loved ones can rule out alcoholism.)
Take for example the classic closet drinker. My dad used to go to the garage and come back a little but drunker each time. I think he was what you would call a continuous hard drinker or maybe a maintenance drinker.
I was more of a binge drinker and my patterns were very sporatic.
I'm not trying to say I'm the expert here, but I have much experience with it and am fascinated by the different types of drinkers.
Not all alcoholics hide their drinking or feel any shame as a result of it. Our alcoholic family member never hid his drinking and was open about his consumption. The problem with defining an alcoholic is that we can't. They don't all fall into specific categories.
My father-in-law never hid his drinking. When he lost his drivers license permanently he had a taxi deliver him his bottle each day. My m-i-l couldn't keep vanilla flavoring or shoe polish in the house ... he drank anything. He drained it through loaf bread.
My husband was a difference story his drinking buddies (not our friends his) knew he drank but I about killed myself hiding his drinking from friends and family ... we never attended our work Christmas parties ... always a good excuse ... as a couple we became reclusive. After taking his truck keys the children and I could go. As the children got older I wouldn't allow alcohol or beer in the house so he would keep it in our barn. He never got violent, one of those loving slobby drunks. In addition he went to work every single day no matter how hung over he was.
My family loves my husband and when my husband explained to our children he had a problem, he was an alcoholic our youngest daughter did not and still doesn't believe it.
I assure you I can define an alcoholic .... the closet drinkers and those that drink openly. We have a very dear friend that I am concerned about right now. He is into Crown Royal and gets loud and mean and it's escalating. Hubby has tried talking to him to no avail. My aunt was a closet drinker and burned her house down.
I have another friend that was a binge drinker ... she would start and not stop day and night for a week or more ... ended up in a motel room in Mississippi and one time in Texas. Looking like pure hell. Then have to call someone to come get her. She has been dry 16 years and still faithfully attends AA.
I'm far from perfect I was in a motorcycle accident, thrown 40 feet off into a tree. In ICU in a coma for two weeks. I damaged to two cranial nerves and broke every rib, my tailbone, my pelvis, 180 stitches to put me back together. One doc put me on Ativan ... one pill at night ... soon it was two pills then three and when I hit 5 a night then 6 I knew I had a problem. I would go in to see my neuro doc and he would write me an Rx for Ativan, see my OB/GYN and he would ask did I need an Rx for Antivan and my GP did the same thing ... I would say NO. I didn't tell a soul ... just kicked it myself ... didn't sleep sat up all day and night for six weeks with the withdrawal. I read later Tammy Faye Bakker was taking 20 Ativan each day when PTL fell and ended up at Betty Ford Center. She was doped to the gills.
Addiction is a terrible problem to deal with and I understand addiction be it alcohol or drugs. It is so easy to get hooked on that high but it eventually will take more and more and takes it's toll. In addition it effects not only the addict or alcoholic but their love ones too.
But only the addict can stop ... you cannot make someone stop drinking or doping.
I'm not trying to play word games or get into semantics, but it helps me to avoid confusion when I separate types of drinkers (3) as I mentioned in post #31 on this thread as distinguished from classifications of alcoholics (the 3rd. type of drinker).
There are many classifications of alcoholics and 5 are listed in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous and described in detail by Dr. Silkworth.
I have a terrible hangover and I have 3 beers which I'm drinking right now and its of course helping. But do you think the hangover will come back even worse?
IMO alcohol should be banned completely.
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In addition he went to work every single day no matter how hung over he was. 
