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To start let me say I do not need to be told to get over or on with it, I have my whole life and that is a false premise as is well known to a lot of trained people, even those who told me to.
I have finally learned/realized this for myself. Also I am not a one demensional character so please refrain from quick flippant insults or remarks, I know they feel good I'm from Jersey too, but I also know I learned to think and be as sensitive, open and fair as I am in NJ too! So this is not psychobabble or whining to everyone out there, I know other's in NJ understand this or I couldn't.
There were good DYFS workers, and other's who tried their best to help and protect me as most of them do/did then and now.
I am taking appropriate action with the State to get my record, this is a public plea for people who may have known me or were there in the shelter at around the same time, just to know each other and maybe talk about it. I've never had anyone who knows to talk about it too.
I posted here(people search) looking for other's who were in the Shelter (Essex county children's emergency shelter ECCES) as I was there from May 67 til I don't know when.
I was in a foster home for the moonshot and maybe one or two before that. So I figure sometime in 68 I was sent on to foster care.
I am hoping to find other's, who were there at the same time and maybe the little boy I keep seing in my minds eye, was he a friend? I don't know. I don't remember his name, he was black, had his hair close shaved and had huge ears:-}. And smiled all the time. we were very small, I was 5ish.
We sat next to each other in class and always got into trouble for talking or something. The teacher used to put us under her desk and sit down tucking her chair in so her knees were in our face to punish us. Once she put both of us under there. I think he looked out for me as I was timid. I don't have much else I could or would post here.
So it's a little whiny, but I think most of you understand the need I have to find and connect with the other's who had the same kind of experience in the same place as me. As I said, I've never gotten to speak to anyone that knows, about it. It's a very lonely feeling.
I suspect the other people I am seeking have the same need.
Well for one you don't really think they documented anything negative by the staff do you?? Your best bet is to try & connect with other children that were there the same time you were.
Believe me I sympathize with you...My wonderful grand mother grew up in an orphanage as her parents both died. It was a different era...1917..Mount St Loretta on Staten Island..she left @ 16 pregnant from a rape.....boys & girls were not kept together so we assume it was staff..her memories of that place were so horrific until the day she died she never would speak about it.
I wish you much luck in your journey to find peace>
Thank You Kate. I am hoping this post finds some people. I am applying for my record to put a timeline to my life, otherwise I started living at twelve in Nutley. Everything before that is just a bunch of memory w/o any chronology to it.
Thank You Kate. I am hoping this post finds some people. I am applying for my record to put a timeline to my life, otherwise I started living at twelve in Nutley. Everything before that is just a bunch of memory w/o any chronology to it.
Well thank goodness it's 2009 and you can get your records as you are entitled to them. This was not the case a few decades ago.
I hope that you are able to find the answers that you need and I hope that you are able to get in touch with your friend and others who may help you.
I am sure you already have, but utilize google and other search engines and post on message boards that you come across that are relevant. I actually posted something on a board I came across regarding my great grandmother who was in a facility and I heard from someone a year after I posted. Of course you want to hear sooner but my point is post in as many relevant places that you can. The more places you are the better chance you have.
What about a library in Essex cty? Might they have old news articles, etc. that may give you clues?
Another place I occasionally see posts similar to yours are on genealogical websites. Not all are free-but some are free to use the message boards and it might be worth a shot-you might come across someone doing genealogical research who may have some info for you.
I hope that you are able to find the answers that you need and I hope that you are able to get in touch with your friend and others who may help you.
I am sure you already have, but utilize google and other search engines and post on message boards that you come across that are relevant. I actually posted something on a board I came across regarding my great grandmother who was in a facility and I heard from someone a year after I posted. Of course you want to hear sooner but my point is post in as many relevant places that you can. The more places you are the better chance you have.
What about a library in Essex cty? Might they have old news articles, etc. that may give you clues?
Another place I occasionally see posts similar to yours are on genealogical websites. Not all are free-but some are free to use the message boards and it might be worth a shot-you might come across someone doing genealogical research who may have some info for you.
Good Luck,
Nicolem
Excellent advise!!! I found out so much about my grand mother's orpanage on websites like that...even photos of the hauntingly ugly place before it burned down
I did see your first couple posts, and now this one. I sure hope you do find some connections in order to work through the experiences of your childhood. It sounds like quite a rough go you had. I wish you all the luck in successfully connecting with your past.
nicolem, can you name some message boards and other websites that might have information please. I found City Data on a google search but that's about it.
Kate, I'm trying to get my records but DYFS and the Attorney General's office is fighting me claiming I have no right, or that it might be use against them! Like I don't know I am entitled to every single page w/o redaction! What was the lie/line "we have no record of you, it is sealed by the court anyway so we can't send you anything". At least I got a chuckle out of it.
I have consulted an attorney and am waiting for a reply. OPRA doesn't seem to cover this situation.
Thanks really, it feels good to get nice replies.
Last edited by nutleynut; 02-17-2009 at 01:01 PM..
Adoption is very personal to me so I hope you find what you are looking for. It sounds like you've received a lot of good advice.
I can only add that I did a quick search and can't find the ECCES even under the full name. Are you sure that's where you were? If not, there was an Orphanage called St. Mary's in Newark at the time. I'm sure there must have been others which the library or historical society could help you locate.
I would definitely contact the library. There is also the NJ Historical Society and a website called Adoptions.com. They have different forums. There may be some adoptees that came from the orphanage/shelter where you were.
Good luck to you, I hope you find what you are looking for.
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